# What's this sticky crap on my right hand? (Ridiculous/paranoid answers only, please.) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 29, 2010, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767 "2010-10-29T14:48:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/41 "2010-10-30T19:54:04Z")
Oh, hey, I’m really sorry about that. Maybe the Japanese have it right - maybe we should just bow to one another. Gosh… this is REALLY awkward… ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/42 "2010-10-30T20:05:06Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > The sticky crap is, in fact, crap. Specifically, bedbug crap. You are infested. Don’t scratch - it’ll only make it worse. The only hope is to fill your bathtub with cider vinegar, rub olive oil all over your body before submerging in the tub, and finish with garlic powder in place of talcum powder. > > But first, you must burn all your clothing, shave all your body hair, and call everyone you’ve had contact with in the last 37 hours… > > You’re welcome. It’s leftover lickspittle from FairyChatMom. Clearly she liked your flavour, and is now manouvering you into the soup pot. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/43 "2010-10-30T20:20:57Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > The Snuffleupagi are extinct. I killed the last family myself, eating the mother’s heart in front of her pups before putting them out of their misery. That is why Big Bird, Ernie & Bert, and Kermit all hate me. > > Don’t believe anything you see on _Sesame Street_. They’ve been lying to us for years. The Snuffleupagi are extinct?!! Noooo!!! ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/44 "2010-10-30T20:39:20Z")
Out, Out, damned spot! ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/45 "2010-10-30T20:40:06Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > The Snuffleupagi are extinct?!! Noooo!!! Don’t listen to him. I have one hidden under my bed right now, between the dust bunnies and the lost socks. There’s a large Snuffleupagi Underground Railroad working to bring them to safety. We call it the Rainbow Connection. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Hugh\_Manatee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/58f4c7/32.png) [@Hugh\_Manatee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hugh_Manatee)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/46 "2010-10-30T21:27:49Z")
Oh, that was me, sorry about that :Hands **Skald** a towel: ---
**Author:** ![MN\_Maenad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e95f7d/32.png) [@MN\_Maenad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MN_Maenad)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/47 "2010-10-30T21:45:15Z")
A rabid Ben Stiller fan broke into your house and reenacted The Scene from _There’s Something About Mary_. However, instead of the emission ending up on the masturbator’s ear, it got lost on the doorknob. You were just too distracted with fantasies of coffee to notice. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/48 "2010-10-31T18:43:34Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Don’t listen to him. I have one hidden under my bed right now, between the dust bunnies and the lost socks. There’s a large Snuffleupagi Underground Railroad working to bring them to safety. We call it the Rainbow Connection. 😉 It’s not clear to me why you would write this where I can read it. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/49 "2010-10-31T21:21:33Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > Have you tried shooting the sticky goo from your hands? I cannot believe you people let this go by. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/50 "2010-10-31T22:43:30Z")
You’re melting, I’m afraid. Soon, there will be nothing left, but a puddle of rapidly rancidifying goo. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/51 "2010-11-01T03:05:21Z")
If it’s The Rapture, can I have your car? ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/52 "2010-11-01T06:00:25Z")
Ectoplasm. But don’t worry - bustin’ makes you feel good. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/53 "2010-11-01T06:19:21Z")
You don’t have a puppy, do you? A three-metre-tall invisible puppy, energetic, slobbery, likes to chew on leather upholstery, cars, and 6 x 6 timbers, and answers to the name of Smidgen? No? Are you sure? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767.md?page=2)