# What's up with black people, dating, and marriage in adulthood? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 9, 2007, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126 "2007-10-09T18:37:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/121 "2007-10-10T13:28:13Z")
[QUOTE=Rubystreak] I’m not worried. I MADE it happen. 😃 [/QUOTE] That’s how the smart Dopers do it. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/122 "2007-10-10T13:30:12Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] That’s how the smart Dopers do it. 🆒 [/QUOTE] Nah, the smart Dopers order a pizza and jack off. That way, you have the leftover pizza the next day too. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/123 "2007-10-10T13:35:33Z")
As long as you wash your hands, I have no problem with this. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/124 "2007-10-10T13:45:04Z")
[QUOTE=bbs2k] As long as you wash your hands, I have no problem with this. [/QUOTE] Are you kidding? I make sure to order Papa John’s, just so I can use that little tub of buttery “Special Garlic Sauce” to lube up. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/125 "2007-10-10T13:45:06Z")
[QUOTE=bbs2k] As long as you wash your hands, I have no problem with this. [/QUOTE] Yeah, I hate getting pizza grease all over my dick. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/126 "2007-10-10T13:46:32Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] Are you kidding? I make sure to order Papa John’s, just so I can use that little tub of buttery “Special Garlic Sauce” to lube up. [/QUOTE] Wow. Really unfortunate simulpost. ---
**Author:** ![lobstermobster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobstermobster/32/10033_2.png) [@lobstermobster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobstermobster)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/127 "2007-10-10T13:59:38Z")
whoa whoa whoa **nzinga, seated** is so not invited to my birthday party ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/128 "2007-10-10T14:01:33Z")
[QUOTE=lobstermobster] whoa whoa whoa **nzinga, seated** is so not invited to my birthday party [/QUOTE] Huh. Is _anyone_ in this thread invited? None of us have really been at our best here. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/129 "2007-10-10T14:06:00Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] Huh. Is _anyone_ in this thread invited? None of us have really been at our best here. 😛 [/QUOTE] Meh. I have a birthday coming up. You’re all invited. Bring presents. ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/130 "2007-10-10T14:23:16Z")
[QUOTE=lobstermobster] whoa whoa whoa **nzinga, seated** is so not invited to my birthday party [/QUOTE] Don’t make me choose between the two of you for my birthday. It would really kill the day for me. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/131 "2007-10-10T14:37:09Z")
[QUOTE=faithfool] Those I see as just the first steps. I’m sure others could offer better advice, but truly, if you’re looking for a new path to take out of this whole that’s been dug, talk to **Omega**. I can’t sing his praises highly enough and he could definitely help you (even all of us) a lot. [/QUOTE] Thanks for the kind words. I think this thread is proof that **VCO3** ’s threads are becoming more accepted at face value and less as trolling. I had my doubts about him at first but I had to admit to myself I was judging him with no reason to do so, so I apologized and started accepting what he says as the truth as he sees it. ---
**Author:** ![Li\_l\_Pluck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee59a6/32.png) [@Li\_l\_Pluck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Li_l_Pluck)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/132 "2007-10-10T14:39:41Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] I do kind of want to ask why black people are all cheating on each other in popular music. 😃 [/QUOTE] Heh-heh. As a rule (i.e., as a matter of personal taste), I don’t listen to any “Black” popular music post-disco era (except for jazz–yes, folks, I know that jazz isn’t \*only \* a Black folks’ thing), so I’m at a loss on this one. [QUOTE=featherlou] He does seem to be slow on that up-take. [/QUOTE] Yes, he is. And the shame of it is that it prevents him from learning what it is he says he wants to learn. Though, as others have pointed out, this might be easier to do if he actually associated with more (and varied) Black people. Then again, given the racial schisms and paranoia that continue to plague this country,\* that might not be the easiest thing to do. What I mean is, it might not be very easy for anyone of \*any \* ethnicity to meet (much less really get to know) people of \*other \* ethnicities. \*Sad, but true: I’ve often thought to myself, “Goddamn, can all of the racists (and hetero-sexists, et al.) just die–like, NOW–so that those of us who really give a fuck about this shit can get on about the business of trying to fix it?” ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/133 "2007-10-10T14:44:20Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] I completely agree with your co-worker’s assessment of dating life. I am in my mid-thirties as well, and I find that the available women tend to fall into many of the same categories. All in all, I find that my dating experiences mirror his very closely. [/QUOTE] Really? You find a lot of white women in their mid 30’s with out-of-wedlock children? Do you think it’s anywhere near the rates for black women? If **VCO3** ’s coworker is looking is for an educated woman, with no previous children, he’s going to have a better hit percentage staying away from black women. That’s just statistics, though. I’m not making any claims about the root causes of this. For instance. . .[PDF!](http://www.ets.org/Media/Education_Topics/pdf/AmericasPerfectStorm.pdf) (search on “wedlock”). ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/134 "2007-10-10T14:48:22Z")
[QUOTE=Li’l Pluck] \*Sad, but true: I’ve often thought to myself, “Goddamn, can all of the racists (and hetero-sexists, et al.) just die–like, NOW–so that those of us who really give a fuck about this shit can get on about the business of trying to fix it?” [/QUOTE] I’ve often wished for the same thing. We had some friends over for dinner a few weeks back. There were 5 people at the table, one was (and still is 😉 ) black. After appetizers and much wine, my gf brought out a platter of fried chicken. The black person asked for more appetizers, since she does not like fried chicken. My gf said, “I can’t believe you don’t like fried chicken”. There was a short, stunned silence, then we all laughed. My gf had “forgotten” that our friend is black, she meant that she thought _everyone_ like fried chicken. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/135 "2007-10-10T15:18:54Z")
[QUOTE=Trunk] If **VCO3** ’s coworker is looking is for an educated woman, with no previous children, he’s going to have a better hit percentage staying away from black women. [/QUOTE] Wow. This thread is making me feel so special and cherished. ☹ - **ywtf** - single black female - age 30 - no children - non-whorish - has a regular alphabet soup behind her name - thinks it’s obvious that the (hypothetical) dude referenced in the OP is a jackass ignoramus and that is why he’s having a hard time finding a “good” black woman. Good black women run away from types like him. ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/136 "2007-10-10T15:22:23Z")
[QUOTE=Trunk] Really? You find a lot of white women in their mid 30’s with out-of-wedlock children? Do you think it’s anywhere near the rates for black women? [/quote] Whether it’s in-wedlock or out-of-wedlock, most guys prefer to marry a woman who doesn’t already have children by another guy. Also, to a lesser extent, women prefer to marry a guy who doesn’t already have children with another woman. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/137 "2007-10-10T15:24:46Z")
[QUOTE=Trunk] Really? You find a lot of white women in their mid 30’s with out-of-wedlock children? Do you think it’s anywhere near the rates for black women? [/QUOTE] Quite a few, and then quite a few more who are divorced (one or more times) with children. I wasn’t drawing a distinction between the two. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/138 "2007-10-10T15:25:44Z")
[QUOTE=you with the face] Wow. This thread is making me feel so special and cherished. ☹ [/QUOTE] Your status probably even gives you better odds at landing **VCO3** ’s coworker. Anyway, no one is saying they’re not out there.. And, I’m REALLY not saying that a white, childless, educated woman is any better than a black, childless, educated woman. Or even that a kid-having, uneducated white woman is better than a kid-having, uneducated black woman. I’d just dispute people who seem to think one is relying on stereotypes if they think that black women have more children out of wedlock, or tend to have less education. Which is sort of what **OneCentStamp** (and others in this thread) seem to be pointing out. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/139 "2007-10-10T15:27:47Z")
[QUOTE=brazil84] Whether it’s in-wedlock or out-of-wedlock, most guys prefer to marry a woman who doesn’t already have children by another guy. [/QUOTE] Yeah, and all I was saying was that statistically, you’re more likely to find that among non-black women. So, VCO3’s coworker might be extreme, and untactful, but it’s not like he’s just pulling it out of his ass. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126/140 "2007-10-10T15:39:27Z")
[QUOTE=Trunk] Really? You find a lot of white women in their mid 30’s with out-of-wedlock children? Do you think it’s anywhere near the rates for black women? If **VCO3** ’s coworker is looking is for an educated woman, with no previous children, he’s going to have a better hit percentage staying away from black women. That’s just statistics, though. I’m not making any claims about the root causes of this. For instance. . .[PDF!](http://www.ets.org/Media/Education_Topics/pdf/AmericasPerfectStorm.pdf) (search on “wedlock”). [/QUOTE] I didn’t check out your link, but I don’t doubt your claim. I can think of lots of reasons why it is probably true. I just always wonder about those that say, “they can’t find a good man,” or “they can’t find a good woman”. It isn’t about what the percentage of educated black women without children is. It is about whether or not _he_ has what it takes to hook the kind of woman he wants. There are some undesirable women out there. Probably way more than the desirable ones…that co-worker better step his game up if he wants one of the ‘good’ ones. As for me, my husband didn’t have a formal education, but he was smart, kind, of strong character, a hard worker. And there were many others with the same qualities. I didn’t have an education either. I dropped out in the 8th grade, (did go back to get my GED and Associates at community college). I am glad he didn’t consider me, “damaged goods”. Especially since I love to club hop! Since I don’t drink or sleep around at the club, maybe that’s why my husband didn’t consider me damaged goods. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-up-with-black-people-dating-and-marriage-in-adulthood/422126.md?page=8)