# Whats with Greta Van Susteren's face? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 18, 2003, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-with-greta-van-susterens-face/162240 "2003-03-18T10:16:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-with-greta-van-susterens-face/162240/21 "2003-03-19T16:22:43Z")
They’re scientologists, I doubt they process reality the same way we do, kiddokat. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-with-greta-van-susterens-face/162240/22 "2003-03-19T17:06:14Z")
The ‘after’ picture isn’t a very good likeness, though. [Here’s](http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,42016,00.html) her Fox News page, with pictures. Similar, I guess, but smoother and more face-lift-y. Still not as scary as that Shepard guy…I think they grew him in a vat. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-with-greta-van-susterens-face/162240/23 "2003-03-19T17:13:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kiddokat \* > Can you imagine what she must look like lying down? In the “missionary” position? Her face even MORE contorted than it already is by sexual ecstacy? Actually, I can pretty much imagine ANY woman like that. ---
**Author:** ![kiddokat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ce7236/32.png) [@kiddokat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiddokat)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-with-greta-van-susterens-face/162240/24 "2003-03-19T23:27:22Z")
I dunno. I keep imagining a scenario that goes sumpin’ like this: Greta: _lying seductively in bed in a garish polyester kimono_ “c’mon, babe…let’s do it!” Mr. Greta: _trembling_ “Ummm…sure, cupcake. HEY! why don’t you… umm…turn over…YEAH! Turn over! We’ll do it doggy-style!!” Greta: _trying to see her old man through the slits that used to be her eyes_ “Again? But I love looking at you as you’re pounding away at me in all your male glory!!! Don’t you want to watch as my face contorts in sexual ecstacy???” Mr Greta: \* Mutely fiddling with his pecker…torn between desire and revulsion. Again.\* Greta: _Her face contorted…this time by anger, he thinks. (It’s kinda hard to tell)_ “Well??? DON’T YOU???” Mr. Greta: _desperate now_ “Well, sure I do!! It turns me on to no end!! But I can’t stop myself when I see your face, baby! And I wanna make it last! I wanna go all night! I wanna fuck you like a monkey in the jungle, dammit!!! Turn over NOW! And…OPEN WIDE FOR CHUNKY!!!” Greta: _rending the fabric of her kimono in heated desire…as she assumes the position_ “YOU FILTHY ANIMAL!! TAKE ME NOW! DO ME LIKE THE BITCH I AM! OR AT LEAST LIKE THOSE BONOBOS ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL!!” Mr Greta: _Thanking God or Scientology for the Discovery Channel_ “Woo HOO! Turn over and let me drive you to St. Louie, baby!!!” And…scene. Cut. That’s a wrap. Oh, boy. All it takes is a question like “What’s up with Greta Van Sustern’s Face?” to send me into a flurry of scenario writing. Dangerous…very dangerous. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![kiddokat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ce7236/32.png) [@kiddokat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiddokat)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-with-greta-van-susterens-face/162240/25 "2003-03-19T23:37:38Z")
_realizing that smilie somewhat resembles GVS’s face in the “after pic.”_ Yikes! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-with-greta-van-susterens-face/162240.md?page=1)