OK Kepi, since you are our online expert, what is the proper way to spell D’OH (ala H. J. Simpson)
A) d’oh
B) doh
*dough is not an acceptable response
If the answer is A then what is d’oh a contraction of ?
I started to read bj0rn’s first post in this thread but almost instantly my brains began to hurt, so I gave up and moved on. I’m guessing a lot of folks do the same with this guy’s babbling - totally disproving his thesis which (I THINK) is: you can write/spell/punctuate as badly and improperly as you want, as long as the idea you’re trying to convey is a sound one.
The problem with this is, if I have too much trouble trying to decipher anybody’s world-altering words of wisdom, I simply stop trying (there’s so much more out there vying for my attention). So the message NEVER gets across at all, whether it’s world-altering or “Please pass the mustard.”
You have it back-asswards, my friend. You must write so your audience can UNDERSTAND you first, and then you can introduce your whacked-out, bizarro “truths.”
Here’s an analogy: I tend not to pay much attention to signs written in Chinese or Japanese or Thai, because the WAY it looks means NOTHING to me, I can’t read funny-looking scribbles and scratches. Similarly, I have great difficulty reading run-together sentences like bj0rn’s, filled with poor spelling, worse grammar, and nonexistent punctuation. The result is, the message is just as convoluted and incomprehensible as if it were written in Sanskrit, because it’s impossible to follow (and too much trouble to figure out).
The consequence of this is, I’ll never try to read ANY of bj0rn’s posts again because (a) he’s proven (and apparently proud) that he doesn’t give a shit if I understand his messages or not, and (b) I don’t understand his messages.
NEXT???
Disputin
Flagrantly ignorant statements cheerfully
crammed right back down your neck.
Regardless of the choice, “d’oh” would probably not be a contraction. When transcribing the spoken word, an apostrophe is often used to indicate a slight stop or breath that may occur before a vowel. Hebrew, for example, uses the aleph to indicate a glottal stop. English has very few actual glottal stops, so the apostrophe is pressed into service to handle their appearances.
The difference between Homer’s D’oh and Dilbert’s Duh is that Homer voices a slight hesitation after the “d” that is not necessary when quoting Dilbert’s inDUHviduals. (If anything, people quoting Dilbert will often extend the word to two syllables, “Well, du-uhh.” requiring a totally different method of transcription.)
Tom~
Jillgat: OK, I understand that you had to make sure the stuffed puffin was dead and that your tardiness to work was a result of the stoppage. But what was the stuffed puffin doing on the road? I mean, everybody knows that stuffed puffins are non-migratory.
Eissclam.
PS: And where did it get that coconut?
Wow! I’ve been deemed an Online Expert! And I didn’t have to do anything to prove my expertise other than inadvertently asking a rather pointless question in the wrong forum.
One question, though. What am I an Online Expert of, since I don’t remember claiming any expertise in anything at any time?
Proudly Serving as Your Online Expert Since March 1, 2000
spelllling
The above Vinny should not be confused with my cousin Vinnie. My cousin Vinnie doesn’t really care about spelling.
Lynn
A nasty looking dwarf throws a knife at you.
No, it would be like us trying to get across to you that grammar and punctuation are important. Something you obviously miss everytime someone tells you that. Unlike you, most people actually take the advice of native speakers in mind, to try to improve their grammar and spelling.
Also:
Wow, that statement reflects just how lazy, arrogant you must be.
Ok, I’ll give a serious response to your inquiry. In regards to the spelling errors, this is a very informal forum. Individuals should be judged on what they have to say and not the fact that they might have accidently pressed a key twice. As for the grammar I think Robert Frost said it best:
“You can be a little ungrammatical if come from the right part of the country.”
Vinny -
I agree with you. I try not to judge posters because of their typing and/or spelling mistakes. We all make mistakes here. I just noted that several posters - posters that normally have few typing or spelling mistakes - have a tendency to type “manny” all the time. I figured it was some sort of inside joke, and I was just curious what it was all about. If you read the second post in this thread, you would see that I didn’t even intend for this to be in the Pit, but rather in MPSIMS. I wasn’t being critical of people’s typing and spelling mistakes. I just noticed a pattern here.
Lighten up!
Kepi-
As you can see by the number of post, I too am a realitive newbie. If I had bothered to follow the post from top to bottom I would have responded differently. I guess I’m just one of those people who hate to admit that occasionally they need a dictionary to look up polysyllabic words.
ok…im not expecting the original speaker of this statement to read this message. but how can he make staments like this if he doesnt understand what i am saying? do not try misunderstand this statment i just made, im not making a joke(im not very good at that).
yes…you got that right. and wrong…
you seem to be deliberately misunderstanding what i am saying, or you truly do not understand it at all. if you truly do not understand it, i am confused. how can you then argue that i am wrong?
if so…dont bother me!
and when has anybody given me advice about HOW i can improve my spelling, grammar and etc…
my style is not using capitals. “’” i dont know how to use. punctuation is something i dont know how to use in english. and if i dont know how to spell a word correctly i usually try not to use that word.
basically, you are not correcting me, so i am still writing in the way i have always written. and i do not belive understanding the words i am writing is too difficult for you to follow or decipher.
bj0rn - enjoy
Well, I’m pretty sure that I suggested using capitals. This is NOT a “style” choice. You’re not e.e. fricking cummings, so you either choose to be correct in your use of language or you choose to be incorrect. “” are used when directly quoting–pretty simple, I would say.
No, YOU don’t think you are hard to understand, but lots of us do! We can’t read minds, which is why we have language and rules of language use. The rules are flexible–if we understand each other, no rules are really broken. But you are incredibly hard to understand. Not to change this is arrogance or ignorance on your part.
Follow along now with a few lessons:
-
Begin sentences with a capital letter on the first word. Other than that, use caps for proper names and not much else.
-
Put a period at the end of a sentence if it is a simple statement. If it is a question, use a question mark (?). If it is emphatic, use an exclamation point (!).
-
Use a comma when making lists, or when you have phrases that work as an adjective. Example: “John, who is my neighbor, threw up.” Commas can also be used to ease reading if they separate phrases from each other. The phrase should usually contain both a verb and a noun. It can get tricky here, so we’ll keep it simple.
-
Use a dictionary or a spell-checker. It’s not flawless, but it helps.
-
Proofread your posts. Consider waiting five minutes before sending anything and reading it over again.
-
Ask yourself if this will make sense to anybody else but you.
-
Remember (from an earlier post by me) that your non-capitalizing of “I” means that you are a slave, and that I claimed you first. Thus, I command you to follow my orders!!! (evil laughter) On the other hand, if you do follow them, you free yourself from slavery and allow us to understand you more effectively.
-
This isn’t “art for art’s sake.” It’s communication, and you are not establishig a transaction that can be followed. The message must be sent effectively if it is to be received effectively.
Bucky
Oh, well. We can always make more killbots.
And to think I ignored this thread all this time! Of course, bj0rn is being his usual obnoxious self. Once more, he is one of the few examples of non-native speakers of the English language that doesn’t give a flying fuck about how incoherent his posts sound to other people. I could go on and on about this, I could advice bj0rn to write all his mindless drivel in a personal diary and stop bothering us, but that has never worked before and it probably never will.
However, I just couldn’t help but see the quote above. The entire stuffed puffin debate cracked me up, but this takes the cake: bj0rn, since you never use a regular sig line (you slam your forehead on the keyboard three times after typing your name and before clicking “submit”), I suggest you start using the following:
Yer Stuffed Pal,
bj0rn
C’mon, admit it. You love it!
Coldfire
Voted Poster Most Likely To Post Drunk
"You know how complex women are"
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
Okay, I’m going to try posting this again.
I know that I have suggested that you use capitals, Bjorn. It is not “your style” to choose not to use them, it is arrogance or ignorance. This is just plain laziness, I suspect. I would say that “writing the way you have always written” is not a good plan. (1) You write in an uncommunicative style. (2) Persisting in writing like a child is childish. (I may guess that you wrote when you were a child? If so, then that is the way you’ve “always written.”)
As far as “” go, use them when you quote someone or something.
Punctuation, I would wager, exists in Iceland. But here’s a quick run-down of English punctuation. Sentences usually end with a period; questions end with a question mark–it looks like this ? and is very handy. Exclamations end with an exclamation point. It looks like this ! and would be used in statements like “use a fucking exlamation point!”
Review what you write before you post it. Communication is a transaction between the sender and the receiver(s). It is the duty of the sender to try to make the message as clear as possible, not to simply send out whatever mumbojumbo spills out of their mouths or keyboards.
Seriously, if you WANT help, I am willing to give you lessons through the email. If you don’t want it, expect to be ignored.
Or, as you might type,
adjajoi!@ 9320lk**/ewiop swljklkcma 11232 i um ycelanderic zo dunt gkit maddd if u cond interstannm me
bJ0)rrcn
Oh, well. We can always make more killbots.