# What's worse, getting caught masturbating at work or having sex at work?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [May 30, 2014, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647 "2014-05-30T17:23:47Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/1 "2014-05-30T17:23:47Z")
Co workers were casually discussing which is worse- getting caught at work masturbating or getting caught at work having sex. They thought being caught masturbating was worse because they consider it more “pathetic”. At least if it involves another person there is somebody to share the blame. But I guess it might depend on location, and in the case of sex, the other person.
Location: Bathroom, supply closet, employees cubicle, other cubicle, dumpster, company vehicle, crawl space, boss’s desk.
Other person (either the one catching the masturbator Or the one that the employee is having sex with: Co worker, person of same sex, person very old, person who ‘looks’ underage (but swears they are 18), co worker, large breed of dog, homeless person, security guard, contractor, supervisor.
Since the poll feature can’t cover every possible combination it’s better to just think about the overall effect of each category.
I would say an employee getting caught having sex is worse because there is a potential security risk if the other person is not an employee. Also, what boss wants to walk in on one of their employees having sex with some homeless guy out back? :eek: Then again, the last thing the contractor running phone lines through the crawl space wants to see in his flashlight is some employee enthusiastically jerking off down there. But he may not care enough to make a big deal about it.
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### Author:  [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/2 "2014-05-30T18:09:15Z")
“Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here, that that sort of thing was frowned upon, you know, 'cause I’ve worked in a lot of offices and I tell you, people do that all the time!”
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### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/3 "2014-05-30T18:11:26Z")
Absolutely worst is getting stuck staying overtime when you have plans. But that’s missing from the poll.
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### Author:  [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/4 "2014-05-30T18:23:57Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#):
>
> “Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here, that that sort of thing was frowned upon, you know, 'cause I’ve worked in a lot of offices and I tell you, people do that all the time!”
While jerking off or having sex with the boss’s dog?
“Bitch lead me on!”
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### Author:  [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/5 "2014-05-30T18:49:03Z")
Dude it’s gotta be running manual override. You get caught doing that and you’re a sad-sack forever after. Get caught getting your freak on in the conference room and you become a legend. Everyone kind of wishes they’d get laid in the conference room! Not so much with the rubbing one out in the cleaning supply closet. Either way, you’ve gained some notoriety and will be a topic of conversation at your work’s holiday parties for years to come.
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/6 "2014-05-30T19:03:10Z")
What’s worse, driving a Yugo or a Porsche Twin Turbo on the Autobahn?
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### Author:  [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/7 "2014-05-30T19:04:53Z")
I thought having sex with the boss was a traditional method of getting a promotion and/or other perks.
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### Author:  [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/8 "2014-05-30T19:07:31Z")
I will confess that I have been caught having sex at work. When I was in grad school, I was working this night temp job with a woman I was dating. We would sneak off during our breaks to have sex (this was an office building at night, so most of the building was empty). We got in trouble, but neither of us cared, it was a college temp job. It was just one of those funny stories young couples have.
If I had been jerking off at work and caught, I would have resigned the next day.
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### Author:  [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/9 "2014-05-30T19:18:08Z")
> [@PastTense](#):
>
> I thought having sex with the boss was a traditional method of getting a promotion and/or other perks.
That should be near the top or the last line of your résumé.
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### Author:  [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/10 "2014-05-30T19:30:05Z")
At least if you get caught having sex you can always use the George Costanza defense:
> [@](#):
>
> Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon, you know, cause I’ve worked in a lot of offices and I tell you people do that all the time.
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### Author:  [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/11 "2014-05-30T19:30:08Z")
The first is being antisocial, the second merely is boundery issue.😃
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### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/12 "2014-05-30T19:35:21Z")
The worst is returning from a bathroom break with fresh cum on your tie.
Been there.
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### Author:  [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/13 "2014-05-30T19:42:25Z")
But what if the other person is really ugly? Or fat?
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### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/14 "2014-05-30T21:19:27Z")
> [@Incubus](#):
>
> But what if the other person is really ugly? Or fat?
Or gagged and bound with duct tape?
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### Author:  [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/15 "2014-05-30T21:28:51Z")
> [@Shakes](#):
>
> At least if you get caught having sex you can always use the George Costanza defense:
Well, now I know who has me on ignore!
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### Author:  [@fuchsiagroan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuchsiagroan)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/16 "2014-05-30T21:38:05Z")
It’s not going to look good, professionally, either way.
Why does it matter if the partner is ugly or not? Just make a sdmb account and bring it up as much as possible that your wife is hot. You instantly win as a human being.
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### Author:  [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/17 "2014-05-30T22:00:42Z")
Clearly masturbating at work is worse. What, you can’t save that shit for a few hours?
Maybe the person’s sexual partner is only available then, like she’s another employee or something.
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### Author:  [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/18 "2014-05-30T22:05:11Z")
No “… need answer fast”? 😃
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### Author:  [@racepug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racepug)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/19 "2014-05-30T22:16:56Z")
I voted for “getting caught jerking off.” Not sure why. I guess because of what the OP mentioned about getting caught masturbating (or I guess the term now is “'bating” - here in “Merka” I guess we’ve never met a word we can’t try to shorten one way or another) being more “pathetic.”
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### Author:  [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-worse-getting-caught-masturbating-at-work-or-having-sex-at-work/689647/20 "2014-05-30T22:20:48Z")
> [@Incubus](#):
>
> Location: Bathroom, supply closet, employees cubicle, other cubicle, dumpster, company vehicle, crawl space, boss’s desk.
>
> Other person (either the one catching the masturbator Or the one that the employee is having sex with: Co worker, person of same sex, person very old, person who ‘looks’ underage (but swears they are 18), co worker, large breed of dog, homeless person, security guard, contractor, supervisor.
Sex, with a dog, in the crawl space; it’s like some demented game of Clue.
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