# What's wrong w/ this message board? **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [October 21, 2002, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256 "2002-10-21T16:29:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JAPrufrock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@JAPrufrock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JAPrufrock)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/1 "2002-10-21T16:29:50Z")
So, you opened this thread up because you thought I was trying to start a flame war, didn’t you? Actually, I have a question about the speed of this board. Everytime I come here, it takes FOREVER to load! I use DSL at home, and am on some type of network here at my job. Everything else moves quickly, but this board (the only bulletin board I use, I should note) takes too long to load. Anyone else having this problem? I’m guessing it’s because message boards are slow in general, but I wanted to know if other people were experiencing this, or if it was just me:) ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/2 "2002-10-21T16:33:49Z")
You don’t know the secret password? ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/3 "2002-10-21T16:38:01Z")
This board is slow for everyone. If you go to the ATMB forum you should see a trillion board speed questions. I think it’s safe to assume this thread will probably end up there too. Welcome **JAPrufrock**. Don’t tease the hamsters! ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/4 "2002-10-21T16:38:19Z")
Our message board is so huge, and has so many users that are on for a long time each day that the servers can’t keep up. We considered briefly going to a subscription system, to pay for access, but decided I suppose to drop that idea. The SDMB can’t take donations or offers of money since it belongs to the Chicago Reader magazine. Nine am to five pm EST and CST in the U.S. are usually the busiest times since a lot of us access from work. j ---
**Author:** ![starfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@starfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/starfish)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/5 "2002-10-21T17:20:50Z")
Think of the time (money) our employers could save by buying this board and closing it. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ccd318/32.png) [@John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Kentzel-Griffin)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/6 "2002-10-21T17:28:11Z")
Off to ATMB. **DrMatrix** - General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/8 "2002-10-21T22:19:13Z")
None o’ that is happening, jilleroo. We just have a very old server. Plus, it’s past due for a tune-up. It’s time to get the belts and hoses changed again. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2002, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/9 "2002-10-22T02:10:09Z")
I still can’t believe the OP has been registered for over a year and a half and has apparently never seen any threads about the perceived “slowness” of the board. However, this is a real collectors’ item thread, as it is one of the rare ones to contain a non-smartass comment by **jarbaby**. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2002, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/10 "2002-10-23T17:57:05Z")
Actually, **jilleroo** , we already know what causes the largest server load. It’s the message board search engine. Unfortunately, we can’t very well get rid of the search engine entirely, and nor can we replace it with a better one (if such even exists), because that would void the service arrangement with Jelsoft (makers of vBulletin). But thanks for the suggestions! ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2002, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/11 "2002-10-23T22:53:11Z")
No one has mentioned the root cause of the problem, which is related to adenosine triphosphate production in Mesocricetus auratus. Genetic engineering seems to be our only hope. ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2002, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/12 "2002-10-23T23:11:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chronos \* > Unfortunately, we can’t very well get rid of the search engine entirely, and nor can we replace it with a better one (if such even exists) Such exists: ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2002, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/13 "2002-10-24T01:44:45Z")
I swear minty works for them. 😉 I wonder - and this is just me wondering, not something I’d act on - how precisely the search engine is used. Is it used primary to search for the newest posts, or for the older ones? Is it used more in one forum than in another? I mean, since we’re dreaming and all - wouldn’t it be nice to have archives set up on a regular basis? After a certain time period, threads are saved offline (archived). Since using the search engine is such a huge strain, then presumably if there was less to search, the strain would be lessened. So you shift the old stuff offline, available upon request (meaning that someone would have to be looking for it precisely, as opposed to a word or phrase). Then, perhaps, an admin could send that thread to the person. Yeah, I know, ruins the dynamic attribute of the board. And yeah, there would be links in the newer posts that basically went nowhere. But it comes back to how the search engine is used (are people looking for a particular thread?). But - and this has been discussed before, of course - MPSIMS and IMHO recycle themselves pretty frequently, as does CS and even the Pit. You could set the “archiving” of those fora at something like 3 months. GQ, GD, ATMB, and the column forums could be archived for a year, maybe longer. So… anyone know how it’s used? As Chronos said, turning it off is not an option. But maybe finding a way to use it more wisely is. ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2002, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/14 "2002-10-24T02:08:51Z")
Hey **Alphagene**! What did **Arnold** say? ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2002, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/15 "2002-10-24T03:39:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arnold Winkelried \* > \*\*No one has mentioned the root cause of the problem, which is related to adenosine triphosphate production in Mesocricetus auratus. Genetic engineering seems to be our only hope. \*\* I don’t believe I just took the time to Google this but: **adenosine triphosphate** is the chemical which carries energy in the body, and **Mesocricetus auratus** is the Syrian, or golden, hamster. ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2002, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/16 "2002-10-24T08:02:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by \*\*LurkMeister \*\*\* > adenosine triphosphate is the chemical which carries energy in the body, and Mesocricetus auratus is the Syrian, or golden, hamster. So, in other words, the hamsters are too damn lazy? ---
**Author:** ![Ross](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@Ross](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ross)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2002, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/17 "2002-10-24T08:26:36Z")
I’d just like to add my perpetual suspicion that _I_ am what is wrong with this board. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2002, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/18 "2002-10-24T12:14:48Z")
They just don’t have any energy, man. You dig? Their karma’s fizzled. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2002, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-w-this-message-board/133256/19 "2002-10-24T14:53:48Z")
I changed to a 2.4ghz with Netscape 7 & use the tabs feature & things are sailing a little bit faster for me & I only use 56k.