# what's wrong with dating big girls? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 16, 2002, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082 "2002-11-16T23:15:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/41 "2002-11-18T19:43:52Z")
Anybody ever see that magazine _Mode_? It’s a fashion magazine that uses bigger, more normally proportioned models than _Vogue_ or some of those other ones. There are some mouthwateringly scrumtrelescent creatures in there. It really is the confidence thing, I think. Not loud and obnoxious, there’s nothing worse than that, just confident and self-assured. There’s nothing sexier than a woman who _loves_ her body, just knows she’s hot and assumes you want some of what she’s got. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/42 "2002-11-18T22:24:54Z")
Conisder this … the majority of women are reluctant to date men who are shorter than they are, or even just an inch or two taller. Women I know justify this as “Darwinism in action,” where they don’t feel protected by a man who seems smaller than they are. Likewise, many men aren’t attracted to women who are larger than they are. However, a man admitting to this will find themselves the subject of far more flames than a woman saying that she won’t date short men; it’s one of Western society’s double standards. It’s okay for a woman to reject a shorter man, but a man can’t reject a larger woman because that’s “sizeist.” There’s far more Camryn Mannheims out there complaining about the bum rap large women get than … well, there’s really no equivalent group of short men. Take a look at most couples. If you apply the universal 1-10 scale of attractiveness to each partner, you’ll find that most couples consist of partners that are only a point or two apart. There’s few short, balding guys with drop-dead gorgeous women (except on television sitcoms), and few overweight women with tall, strapping hunks (except in certain ethnic communities). Most overweight women I know are in relationships … with overweight men who aren’t “outsized” by their presence. What’s wrong with dating an overweight man, who is probably more open to dating a BBW? ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/43 "2002-11-18T22:29:09Z")
> [@](#): > > What’s wrong with dating an overweight man, who is probably more open to dating a BBW? NOTHING! Several of us have already covered this. Several of us have already pointed out that we find some fat guys to be cute. (Oliver Platt is cute, OK?) ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/44 "2002-11-18T23:34:56Z")
In fairness, women on the other side of the spectrum, those that look boney, aren’t attractive to me either. ---
**Author:** ![raz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/45 "2002-11-19T01:18:22Z")
> [@](#): > > You are beautiful for what is inside as well as what is outside. [Jim Carey] That’s just something ugly people say! [/Jim Carey] ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/46 "2002-11-20T04:50:52Z")
**blink178** just called me ugly! Waaaaahhhh! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![EasyPhil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e47c2d/32.png) [@EasyPhil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EasyPhil)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/47 "2002-11-20T08:03:40Z")
To the OP: You say you’re a big girl? What’s your height and weight? ---
**Author:** ![bonita\_supreme](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@bonita\_supreme](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bonita_supreme)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/48 "2002-11-20T09:00:29Z")
i am 5’11" and weigh 260 ---
**Author:** ![Hugh\_Jass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4da419/32.png) [@Hugh\_Jass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hugh_Jass)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/49 "2002-11-20T09:27:54Z")
After reading through this thread, I’m more convinced than ever that it is all about confidence. I’m a pretty mediocre looking dude, but when my confidence is high, women look at me. Women talk to me. When I feel like crud, no one acknowledges my existence. I see plenty of short guys with women. They are always confident guys. The guys with a chip on their shoulder about their height always seem to be alone. I’ve seen big women with men. Invariably, their weight is as big a factor in their life as the color of the inside of their car’s glove compartment. Dressing well is another form of confidence. Take the opportunity to dress well and you will appear more confident, and probably feel good about yourself. That applies to anyone. ---
**Author:** ![bonita\_supreme](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@bonita\_supreme](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bonita_supreme)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/50 "2002-11-20T11:50:16Z")
i have a cam so he saw me all the time. He said he liked bbw’s. He thought i was beautiful. He was very excited to see me. We still talk and see each other everyday on cam and he still tells me i’m beautiful. He told me i wouldn’t work cause it was so far away and that he was going to move to oregon and i was till here in illinois. He said he couldn’t deal with being away from me. But i told him that i could make it work… i guess not with him. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/51 "2002-11-20T12:04:19Z")
Someone better start quoting Sir Mix-A-Lot. Stat. ---
**Author:** ![Bongmaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Bongmaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bongmaster)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/52 "2002-11-20T17:32:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bonita supreme \* > \*\*I would just like to point out that i am a NICE LOOKING 22 yr old latina female and i am upset that men do not look at me like they do with the skinny female. My question is Whats wrong with the big girl? We are just like other girls and we have more to share. > Why are men not attracted to BBW’s? ☹ \*\* Well, define “big girl.” Big as in 300+ pounds and 5’1"? Only people that have a fetish would get turned on by that, fat is generally considered ugly, god knows mine is. Or perhaps you mean big as in a little belly and a wide butt? In that area you’ll find plenty of guys that would be attracted to you. But it comes back to the fat thing. People don’t like it, its unsightly. The more you have, the less attractive most people will consider you. ---
**Author:** ![Mycroft\_Holmes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a5b964/32.png) [@Mycroft\_Holmes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mycroft_Holmes)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/53 "2002-11-20T22:57:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bonita supreme \* > **I would just like to point out that i am a NICE LOOKING 22 yr old latina female** Considering this, you could be the size of Jupiter, and I’d still hit on you. 😃 There is just something about latina women that drives me nuts. Maybe that’s why I married one. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/54 "2002-11-20T23:18:56Z")
There are plenty of fat women (I dislike the “BBW” euphemism because a) it’s a euphemism and b) many aren’t “beautiful”) that are involved with significant others, as is illustrated on this board. And there are plenty of thin or average-sized women who aren’t. Maybe you have to look at other reasons. It may also be that you aren’t picking up on positive signals being sent your way. Lord knows you have to beat me over the head with the flirt stick before I realize what’s going on. Personally, I find extreme fat unattractive. FTR, I’m an “average” sized woman, I guess. I know I could stand to lose probably 20 pounds, but my weight is pretty evenly distributed over my frame. I am a size 12. StG ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/55 "2002-11-21T04:51:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elmwood \* > \*\*Most overweight women I know are in relationships … with overweight men who aren’t “outsized” by their presence. What’s wrong with dating an overweight man, who is probably more open to dating a BBW? \*\* Nothing’s wrong with it, but you and other posters seem to be implying that us fat girls ought to seek fat guys. Fact of the matter is that I am not attracted to overweight guys. Never have been, and I doubt I ever will. I have felt attracted to exactly one overweight guy in my whole life, and he was barely overweight. But that’s my prerogative. And if some guy isn’t attracted to fat women, that’s his prerogative, too. He shouldn’t have to explain it or apologize for it. (Of course, he shouldn’t make sweeping statements like “fat women are unattractive” or denigrate those men who love fat women.) Fat women should seek out whatever types of men they find mostattractive. I know several fat women who are married to “big strapping hunks” (as **elmwood** put it). **bonita supreme** : My good friend Rebecca is about your size–6’ and 250 lbs to be exact–and she is such a knockout. She has no trouble attracting admirers. Yeah, like others said, it’s about attitude. Hang in there. p.s. oh, all right. I admit that I find John Goodman attractive even though he’s fat. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/56 "2002-11-21T14:06:47Z")
> [@](#): > > It’s all about “IT”. If you have “IT”, it doesn’t matter who are what you are, you will get what you are looking for in a mate. So all it takes is a _Segway_?! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![pestie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e5b9ba/32.png) [@pestie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pestie)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/57 "2002-11-21T17:49:55Z")
It’s not like there aren’t a bazillion other posts here already saying the same thing, but I’ll just chime in here and say that I, too, like BBW’s. Several of my ex-girlfriends have been BBW’s, and the woman I’m dating now is, too. I think **Turbo Dog** hit the nail on the head. I’ve seen large women who fall into both of the categories he mentions and they’re both hard to deal with, but the ones with cool confidence are very attractive. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2002, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/58 "2002-11-21T19:06:17Z")
You know something else that hasn’t been mentioned yet? The _Status Symbol_ factor. It’s not always right or fair, but people like to get with people that make them look good (and I don’t mean people who look so bad they make their partners look good by comparison, I mean people who look so good that other people are jealous when they see you walking down the street). So if the popular perception is that bigger women are less desirable than teeny ones, a status-obsessed guy will always go for the latter, even if he meets a big girl he finds attractive. ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/59 "2002-11-22T05:12:40Z")
As a larger-than-average Hispanic woman, I hear what you’re saying and assure you as you get older, more and more men will appreciate you. I had to grow into my look, pull everything together and appreciate myself. As a 32 year old divorcee, my self-esteem was on the floor and I didn’t look up to see if anyone was glancing appreciatively at me or not. As a 33 year old single woman, I was getting hit on in the grocery store, in line at the movies and walking into Starbuck’s. I grew in confidence and beauty, selected the pick of the litter and had a blast. I’m 5’ 8", 190 and dated a 5’5" bodybuilder, a 6 foot personal trainer, a 6’3" 270 cop and lots inbetween. I only dated men who gave me the ‘my, but you’re yummy’ vibe and didn’t bother with the ‘you’ve got such a pretty face’ ones. Some men like slender blondes—I’ll never be that. Some men like soft and curvy, black curls and chocolate eyes. I’ve got that going on all over. Is Strawberry Cheesecake better than Mocha Almond Fudge? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082/60 "2002-11-22T05:28:03Z")
> [@](#): > > As a larger-than-average Hispanic woman… soft and curvy, black curls and chocolate eyes. I’ve got that going on all over \ _Lasu min subparolu belajn dolcxajxojn en viajn orelojn…_ \ So, **Cyn** , how _you_ doin’? 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-dating-big-girls/137082.md?page=4)