# What's wrong with my goddamned saliva!?!? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 16, 2016, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502 "2016-06-16T07:25:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/1 "2016-06-16T07:25:39Z")
Envelopes… Yes…envelopes… I lick the fucking things and they _barely_ stick shut. With stamps I have a little bit better success rate, but nothing to…mail home about? I’m pretty sure I’m not over-licking - I’m always applying a nice, even coat that should have total and complete adhesion supremacy. I must be _“saliva challenged”_ - any explanations? And please no mention of that incredibly annoying Seinfeld episode (what episode wasn’t?) where someone croaks from licking too many envelopes. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/2 "2016-06-16T08:08:55Z")
Following this thread, because I just can’t WAIT to read the various explanations and remedies that our erstwhile board members will suggest. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/3 "2016-06-16T11:20:00Z")
Are you taking any medications? Lots of meds cause dry mouth. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/4 "2016-06-16T11:51:53Z")
You check the envelopes with a sponge and water, to make sure they’re not at fault? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/5 "2016-06-16T13:07:07Z")
_spit-take_ ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/6 "2016-06-16T15:13:41Z")
I have a huge box of envelopes and it’s like 15 years old and the stickiness is pretty much gone, just from age. I don’t blame myself - it’s not me, it’s the envelopes! I just put a piece of tape on and go about my day. If you are coming across stamps that need to be licked I suspect they are very old, themselves. I can’t remember the last time I had a non-sticker US stamp. So, what \*\*BigT \*\*said - are you sure it’s you? ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/7 "2016-06-16T15:33:16Z")
I’m sure the OP will lick the problem eventually. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/8 "2016-06-16T15:34:55Z")
^^ Yeah, I don’t think I’ve had to lick a stamp in at least 10 years. Still lick envelopes, though, although I know they sell ones with things you peel off to reveal the sticky. Maybe wait a few moments for the spit to soak into the glue before sealing it up. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/9 "2016-06-16T15:35:54Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > Following this thread, because I just can’t WAIT to read the various explanations and remedies that our erstwhile board members will suggest. > > 😃 Erstwhile?! ---
**Author:** ![MoonMoon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonmoon/32/2959_2.png) [@MoonMoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoonMoon)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/10 "2016-06-16T16:24:32Z")
I’m no scientist, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that you’re either getting too much saliva on them or not enough. And I’m with the others - where are you getting these antique stamps that need to be licked? ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/11 "2016-06-16T18:20:14Z")
> [@SmellMyWort](#): > > Still lick envelopes, though, although I know they sell ones with things you peel off to reveal the sticky. Which you can’t run through a laser printer, so I don’t buy them. (I think there are some that are laser-safe, but much more expensive and still risk having the protective strip peel off.) ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/12 "2016-06-16T18:21:10Z")
I haven’t had to lick a Canadian stamp in years! ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/13 "2016-06-16T18:35:26Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > Erstwhile?! adjective 1. former; of times past: erstwhile friends. adverb 2. Archaic. formerly; erst. I think **kambuckta** may have meant “valued” or “worthwhile.” ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/14 "2016-06-16T18:45:26Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > adjective 1. former; of times past: > erstwhile friends. Or “erse-while,” the Irish practice of spending time in a pub. ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/15 "2016-06-16T18:54:15Z")
Be careful licking those old envelopes. I saw something on TV once where some guy’s fiancee died from toxic glue on cheap old wedding invitations. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/16 "2016-06-16T19:00:12Z")
I do the mail in my office. I always cringe, and make a big show of it, too, when someone licks their envelope in front of me before dropping it in the outgoing tray. Now I have to touch that thing with your cooties all over it? Yuck! The stamp machine has a part that will moisten and seal your envelope for you. Use it! Now that I have that off my chest. It’s probably not you, it’s probably the glue on the envelope. Sometimes you have to get just the right amount of moisture - not too little or too much. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/17 "2016-06-16T19:09:27Z")
I blame your parents and homeroom teachers. They probably stopped you from eating paste when you were a child. This is what happens later in life. A textbook example of unintended consequences. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/18 "2016-06-16T19:41:06Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > Erstwhile?! My great aunt’s name is Erstwhile. She, like the OP, is dried up. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/19 "2016-06-16T22:25:50Z")
Not sure why my (Victoria BC) post office started issuing lick stamps again, when for the last kajillion years their stamps went the sticky way. (old stock that they suddenly came across that they’re trying to get rid of now?) > [@panache45](#): > > Are you taking any medications? Lots of meds cause dry mouth. No meds - my saliva is like Victoria Falls. > [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > I’m sure the OP will lick the problem eventually. aw man - for groan-worthiness, that sealed the deal. > [@Shoeless](#): > > Be careful licking those old envelopes. I saw something on TV once where some guy’s fiancee died from toxic glue on cheap old wedding invitations. HEY! hey!..HEY! why - you! why I oughta… > [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > Erstwhile?! I think the poster meant to say Entwistle. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2016, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502/20 "2016-06-17T04:26:50Z")
Forget all that. There’s more interesting things to lick. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-my-goddamned-saliva/757502.md?page=2)