# What's wrong with sex outside marriage? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [March 20, 2007, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-sex-outside-marriage/396670 "2007-03-20T03:20:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2007, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-sex-outside-marriage/396670/21 "2007-03-20T14:47:16Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] A. wouldn’t get syphilis on your wedding night and B. any subsequent babies were yours. [/QUOTE] Nitpick: syphilis first appeared in the 15th century. It didn’t influence the sexual mores of any Abrahamic religion. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2007, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-sex-outside-marriage/396670/22 "2007-03-20T14:51:36Z")
[QUOTE=Sattua] Nitpick: syphilis first appeared in the 15th century. It didn’t influence the sexual mores of any Abrahamic religion. [/QUOTE] Thank you for the correction, but it’s completely beside the point. There were STDs in prebiblical times. Whether or not one of them was syphilis is not the thrust of the argument. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2007, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-sex-outside-marriage/396670/23 "2007-03-20T14:57:34Z")
Abrahamic religions didn’t originally prohibit extra-marital sex for men, but only for women. Sexual control of women in the ANE was a way to prevent any questions about paternity of children and to protect what was perceived as “property.” Men could still have multiple wives, concubines or have sex with their servants. They were forbidden only to have sex with women who “belonged” to someone else or to engage in cultic sexual practices with temple prostitutes (a lot of whom were male). The latter was seen as idolotry, though, not so much as sexual immorality as religious infidelity. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2007, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-sex-outside-marriage/396670/24 "2007-03-20T15:04:12Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] Abrahamic religions didn’t originally prohibit extra-marital sex for men, but only for women. [/QUOTE] That should have said _ancient Judaism_, not Abrahamic religions. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2007, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-sex-outside-marriage/396670/25 "2007-03-20T15:19:49Z")
[QUOTE=DaphneBlack] The Catholic tradition, maybe - but the Talmud, I believe, explicitly permits anal sex (between married partners, of course). I’m not sure about oral sex. [/QUOTE] Hm… I was relatively sure that the Old Testament didn’t even like masturbation. I’m not sure what the interaction is between the Talmud and the Torah. _had to look up “Talmud”_ ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2007, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-sex-outside-marriage/396670/26 "2007-03-20T15:30:54Z")
[QUOTE=Sage Rat] Hm… I was relatively sure that the Old Testament didn’t even like masturbation. [/QUOTE] The story of [Onan](http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/monanism.html) is sometimes pointed to as an anti-masturbation tale, but that’s not really what it’s about. As for the OP’s question, I suspect it would take a book, or several, to satisfactorily answer it. But it’s important to keep in mind that reliable birth control is a relatively modern invention, so prohibiting sex outside of marriage is a way of requiring that children have a mother and father who are married to one another. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2007, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-sex-outside-marriage/396670/27 "2007-03-20T15:45:55Z")
This has nothing to do with anything - just a personal anecdote type thing - then you can all get back to your heavily educated theological discussion. It was always explained to me that sex was designed by God to be shared between people in marriage as it goes deeper than the mere physical and becomes a spiritual exchange as well - to that end you would want to do it with only someone you have made the commitment of marriage with and not just random partners. As I said before - this was just a Sunday School/Bible Camp explanation, so no cite, sorry. ---
**Author:** ![enigm4tic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@enigm4tic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enigm4tic)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2007, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-sex-outside-marriage/396670/28 "2007-03-20T15:46:24Z")
> [@HubZilla](#): > > Why does society sometimes frown on it (shacking up, “she’s a slut”, etc)? Arguably, the modern day feelings about this stuff can be directly traced back to the original views pointed out above of sexual purity for females but not males. It still has the same reasoning, in theory, preventing unwanted consequences to people who can’t handle it. Why it’s still so directed at females in particular is probably because society has been male dominated for so long. Thing is, females have it bad both ways, because if they _don’t_ do anything then they’re prude. Generally from what I observe most non-celibacy-promoting people don’t look down on sex in a committed relationship (indeed, by college it’s an expected facet of the relationship), but only women who sleep around outside of a relationship (and then even there there’s a growing number of people who don’t really have a problem with that… seems people are finally realizing the double standard imposed on women) ---
**Author:** ![Will\_Repair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a698b9/32.png) [@Will\_Repair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Will_Repair)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-sex-outside-marriage/396670/29 "2007-03-21T21:39:00Z")
Excuse me but where in the Bible (or Koran) does it say to wait for marriage before sex. I’ve seen the part about adultery but not premarital sex. ---
**Author:** ![CC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f1d935/32.png) [@CC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CC)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-sex-outside-marriage/396670/30 "2007-03-21T22:12:07Z")
[QUOTE=Poysyn] It was always explained to me that sex was designed by God to be shared between people in marriage as it goes deeper than the mere physical and becomes a spiritual exchange as well - to that end you would want to do it with only someone you have made the commitment of marriage with and not just random partners. [/QUOTE] It always amazes me that people can have the astonishing hubris to suggest that they know God’s motives. In this case, clearly God has the institution of marriage in mind - no doubt in accordance with the various U.S. state statutes governing it. I’m thinking that even if there WERE a God, it would be unseemly for the all knowing, all seeing, omniscient one to clue in a few folks about his motivation - just so that they could make it clear to the rest of us rubes who have to go to camp to learn about this stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2007, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-sex-outside-marriage/396670/31 "2007-03-22T00:15:41Z")
I read somewhere once that genetic studies have shown that a lot more children are not their official father’s than we expect. So, while there is lifetime bonding for humans, there doesn’t seem to be an equal desire for sexual exclusivity. How about this as an explanation? There are two cases to consider: adultery for women and premarital sex. For the former, as has been said multiple times, the desire of a man to know that the kids he’s supporting are his is reason enough. For the latter, wouldn’t a girl be considered a valuable commodity in building connections with other families? Think of the arranged marriages for royalty until very recently. A virgin child would no doubt be considered more valuable than one with experience. Women not falling into these classes would be more or less not subject to these restrictions, thus prostitution. I don’t think religion need be involved, except to enforce rules already there. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2007, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-sex-outside-marriage/396670/32 "2007-03-22T00:30:53Z")
[QUOTE=Jay Kumar] This thread is about Abrahmic religions. But I would like to add this fact- today Hindu religious practice has stricter strictures against extramarital sex. Though the old Hindu mythological stories have numerous instances of sex outside marriage and polygamy among both women and men, today the fundamentalist Hindus totally believe that it is a sin to have sex outside marriage and would be a cause of societal decline. Hindu temple sculptures depict amorous scenes where holy men perform sex, two or threesome sometimes, oral sex etc and so it seems that until about 10th century the prevailing attitude about sex was liberal. So, the rigid definition of adultery probably came through Moslem and Christian influence and to keep men and women from mixing with people of other religion. So this is an interesting double play in the world of religion. Overall, I deem this situation as somewhat sad. [/QUOTE] _looks around_ Huh? Whozzat? usually it’s only me or \*\*anu \*\*posting about Hindu matters! Regardless, I’d like to extend to you the invitation to stay. I’m atheist Hindu (well - now I am) myself, and North Indian, so there’s a lot of perspectives that I miss out on. And yet I always like to add what I know about Hinduism. This board gets so focused on the Big Three sometimes I feel we don’t always broaden our horizons. It’d be really nice to have someone else who could add a few answers now and then. So…I hope you stick around, **Jay**. I agree with you, btw, that it was the influence of Christianity and Islam that changed Hinduism…we were considered savages to be tamed by them. I also think it’s rather sad. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-wrong-with-sex-outside-marriage/396670.md?page=1)