# What's your best insult in 25 words or less? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 3, 2000, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398 "2000-07-03T00:55:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2000, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/41 "2000-07-14T02:42:17Z")
I’m not sure if this one is an insult or a threat, but I like it: “If I’d killed you when I wanted to, I’d be out by now.” ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2000, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/42 "2000-07-14T23:05:15Z")
The best insult I ever heard was all in the delivery : Al Pacino to Kevin Spacey in _Glengarry Glen Ross_ > [@](#): > > You child, you fucking child If you’ve seen it you’ll know what I mean . Ouch !!. ---
**Author:** ![sheerah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8baadc/32.png) [@sheerah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sheerah)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2000, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/43 "2000-07-15T05:14:41Z")
These are dated but still some of my favorites: She could f\*\*\* up a wet dream. I won’t say he’s older than dirt, but he knows all the rocks by name. Oh, I’m sorry. Were you talking to me? I was still under the impression you’re unimportant. Just how great do you think you are? You are obviously an acute sufferer of the common cranial-rectal inversion. What a yahoo. ``` So, do your relative believe in dating outside of the family? ``` Those are the ones I’ve used this week. Perhaps next week will be more productive. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2000, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/44 "2000-07-15T10:44:32Z")
**Chef Troy** , found it . [Democritus-Pucker Up, Ass Slammer!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=7224) ---
**Author:** ![untateve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@untateve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/untateve)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2000, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/45 "2000-07-15T13:28:28Z")
Bad person: “Blah, blah, insult directed at me” Me: “Are you talking to me?” Bad person: “Yes I am.” Me: “Why?” I have used this on several occasions and everytime I get silence in return or the Bad person stumbles over their words. Then I give a little “fuck you” smile and look/walk away. ---
**Author:** ![7\_of\_7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/7/3bc359/32.png) [@7\_of\_7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/7_of_7)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/46 "2000-08-02T01:30:27Z")
It turns out you can call someone a **pencilneck** , and he will cry. Poor baby. ---
**Author:** ![Show\_Biz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/77aa72/32.png) [@Show\_Biz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Show_Biz)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2000, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/47 "2000-09-28T14:35:08Z")
I’ve run into one by accident that amazed me in it’s ability to catch someone off guard. A woman was jumping on me at a reading for not following the program in order. I was about to lash out at her in no uncertain terms for cutting me off mid-sentence in front of a group. But, it turned out to be someone I’d been told about but never seen up close. What I’d been told was that she was _huge,_ and she was. Over 350 easily, but it looked worse because it was mostly in the buttocks, which extended like a huge shelf. Anyway, it just popped out of my mouth: “You’re Annie \_\_\_, aren’t you? They said you were fat, but it’s not that bad.” The words after “fat” were actually a quick recovery to bail out of my gaffe. But the they had the opposite effect. Everyone turned and stared at her, whispering that she _was_ fat, and it _was_ that bad. \*\*Since, I’ve responded to every interrupter with the non sequitur followed by faint praise. \*\* Once it worked better than any standup-comic’s similar comeback. Instead of “Oh, yeah, well you’re so bald that…(some joke)” I used “You’re John David, aren’t you? They said you were bald, but it’s not that bad.” I had no idea what his actual name was, and he wasn’t very bald at all, but he never corrected me, but snuck out when people had stopped gawking at him. Peace at last! ---
**Author:** ![CnoteChris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/278dde/32.png) [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2000, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/48 "2000-09-28T14:50:53Z")
One of my favorites has always been used around the urinal and is a favorite for questioning a man’s manhood. “Sheeze Bob, I didn’t know you could pee standing up.” ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2000, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/49 "2000-09-28T14:57:39Z")
“If you were the last man on Earth… I’d build myself a vibrator.” ---
**Author:** ![stofsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@stofsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stofsky)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2000, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/50 "2000-09-28T15:17:47Z")
Not PC at all, but one I stole from someone else: Jesus Fuck! A mongoloid butt-fucking monkey could do a better job than you! ---
**Author:** ![sk8rixtx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@sk8rixtx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sk8rixtx)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2000, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/51 "2000-09-28T19:49:31Z")
You’re French aren’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Nukeman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce7236/32.png) [@Nukeman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nukeman)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2000, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/52 "2000-09-28T19:58:20Z")
Allesan - youre right ‘Im sorry, do I know you’ is the most annoying thing you can say to someone. The best insults are subtle: this is James Joyce - a guy is being berated by his boss: Boss: Do you think me a complete and utter fool? [or words to that effect] employee: ‘I dont think, sir, that that’s a fair question to put to me’ this is courtesy of wierd Al [altered slightly from his song ‘Fat’] ‘Your momma so fat, when she sits around the house, she really sits around the house’ ---
**Author:** ![Punoqllads](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@Punoqllads](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Punoqllads)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2000, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/53 "2000-09-28T22:18:30Z")
You sybaratic, syphillitic, sophomoric, sycophantic, semi-sentient, second-rate sow-sucker. You cuntless wife of a whoremonger. And, were you expecting me to give even half a rat’s ass about what you think? ---
**Author:** ![AETBOND417](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@AETBOND417](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AETBOND417)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2000, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/54 "2000-09-29T00:50:42Z")
This one’s mediocre, but it worked perfectly when I used it: “At least I have a family that loves me.” ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2000, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/55 "2000-09-29T02:05:42Z")
To be said to a former lover in public (loudly) if they make remarks about how much you enjoyed sex with them - Would you like to hear me make those same noises right now ? ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2000, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/56 "2000-09-29T02:52:56Z")
“You’d f-ck up a one-car funeral.” “Your face looks like someone tried to put out a forest fire with a screwdriver.” (From South Park) Another of my favorites became popular at the newspaper I work for. Whenever someone gets too complainy or whiny about something, he/she is likely to be greeted with a “Your ass is a/an (whatever you are complaining about).” Ex.: “When’s that damn pizza gonna get here?” “Your ass is a pizza.” “I just can’t think of a good lead for this story.” “Your ass is a lead.” ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2000, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/57 "2000-09-29T06:07:27Z")
Old Russian Saying: “One who is scraped off the sheets with a spoon.” ---
**Author:** ![VaHermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ed655f/32.png) [@VaHermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VaHermit)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2000, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/58 "2000-09-29T08:00:36Z")
Pardon me, but I think you have me confused with someone who gives a shit. Or to someone giving you unwanted advice: I prefer to do it this way because after a considerable amount of time and deliberation, I came to the conclusion that it’s really none of your fucking business. Oops, more than 25 words, sorry. ---
**Author:** ![RosieWolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bc79bd/32.png) [@RosieWolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RosieWolf)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2000, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/59 "2000-09-29T11:33:44Z")
Which fork of the family tree did you fall off of? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2000, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/60 "2000-09-29T21:13:33Z")
I’ve always been fond of “Drop dead and burn in hell.” Short, simple and it gets the point across. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398.md?page=4)