# What's your best insult in 25 words or less? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 3, 2000, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398 "2000-07-03T00:55:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![malden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@malden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malden)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/81 "2000-10-09T03:23:19Z")
“You aren’t as attractive as you think you are.” In one succinct sentence you’re telling the person they’re ugly AND they’re conceited and/or trying (unsuccessfully) to compensate for their ugliness. So they’re ugly AND pathetic. ---
**Author:** ![Wooster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4491bb/32.png) [@Wooster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wooster)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/82 "2000-10-18T20:30:07Z")
The worst insult seems to be this one “Sweet sixteen and never had multiple orgasms during anal sex while swallowing!” ---
**Author:** ![imthjckaz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/imthjckaz/32/3223_2.png) [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2000, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/83 "2000-10-19T03:26:20Z")
This one works when I have used it: “Your mom should have went ahead with the abortion” ---
**Author:** ![Azargoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/aeb1de/32.png) [@Azargoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azargoth)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2000, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/84 "2000-10-19T04:15:28Z")
- “I think the better part of you dripped down the inside of your mother’s leg.” - “Your so ignorant you thought Peter Pan was a urinal!” - “If ignorance is bliss, you have to be the happiest person I have ever met.” - “It’s obvious you need some chlorine in your gene pool.” - “How about a nice, tall, refreshing glass of shut the hell up?” - “Do you like pancakes…then pancake your ass out of my sight.” - “I know what you got on your SAT…drool.” - “Why don’t you climb up my leg and have a ball.” - and the old stand by…“I sort of like you…if you were on fire I would piss on you to put it out.” ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2000, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/85 "2000-10-19T04:49:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sir Dirx \* > \*\* > But my favorite insults are the wickedly subtle ones. I recently received the comment “You r a smeg head” in an email, so I responded with this (much longer than 25 words, but I love it): > > “Smeg head huh? Is it just me, or have insults gotten progressively lame as of late? Try “cranially defficient troglodyte” or “unctious miscreant” for a change. And if you really want to hit the insultee hard, sounding superior is a must. Sadly, this just isn’t accomplished with abbreviations such as “r” (I’m glad to see, though, that you have enough class to spell correctly and avoid “u”). With enough practice, you’ll be able to evolve to intellectual levels envied by all your neighborhood internet junkies. Good luck and try hard!” > > \*\* Hey! What’s wrong with Smeghead? From Black Adder, and more of a curse than an insult: “May God hate you and all your kind, may you be turned orange in hue, and may your head fall off at an inconvenient moment.” ---
**Author:** ![Byzantine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dfb087/32.png) [@Byzantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Byzantine)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2000, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/86 "2000-10-19T04:53:03Z")
Who? ---
**Author:** ![Pit\_Meister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Pit\_Meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pit_Meister)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2000, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/87 "2000-10-19T07:33:04Z")
I like George Carlin’s seven dirty words, said fast like he does it in the old records (_Now available on mp3, boys and girls!_ ) ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2000, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/88 "2000-10-19T11:36:05Z")
Why don’t you crawl back up your mother’s cunt, and this time try to come out as a human being. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2000, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/89 "2000-10-19T12:11:39Z")
“Isn’t it sad when cousins marry?” ---
**Author:** ![tomas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tomas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomas)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/90 "2000-10-20T03:49:55Z")
You need a window in your belly so you can see with your head up your ass. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/91 "2000-10-20T13:35:11Z")
(when my little brother is complaining about something) (to someone else in the room:) Do you hear an odd noise? Is something wrong with the furnace? ---
**Author:** ![Nancyfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d78d45/32.png) [@Nancyfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancyfish)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/92 "2000-10-20T13:51:09Z")
Comedian to Heckler: “I don’t know why your giving me so much trouble, I don’t come in to where you work and slap the dicks out of your mouth!” ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/93 "2000-10-20T17:15:43Z")
I don’t know if these are the best… for a whiner - Jesus needs his cross back or do I hear the world’s smallest violin? Once when my boss was being a dillhole I looked at him and said: “if you died and came back as the stick up somebody’s butt, it would be an improvement” And yes, I kept my job. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/94 "2000-10-20T17:39:59Z")
I take great pleasure in knowing that, one hundred years from now, you will be dead as a doornail. ---
**Author:** ![spark\_applied\_to\_powder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@spark\_applied\_to\_powder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spark_applied_to_powder)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/95 "2001-03-04T22:22:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Show\_Biz \* > \*\*The insults a lot of people use are the ones they are most sensitive about. > > I won’t call a person juvenile, but I will call him old, the word that always rakes my pride. > > Pussy whipped hurts, as do the failure-related insults. > > I can easily ignore the ones about low IQ as unreal, but when someone says he expected better of me, he’s going to get something nasty in return. That’s too close to home.\*\* I agree on the juvenile part. So much of that reminds me of grade school. What can you say that hasn’t been said? “You’re juvenile, sophomoric, immature, pre-adolescent, acting like a baby, acting like a premie, acting like an embryo, acting like an ovum…” ---
**Author:** ![wahoo11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8baadc/32.png) [@wahoo11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wahoo11)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/96 "2001-03-05T00:19:46Z")
Leave and never soil my towels again. Mark Twain ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/97 "2001-03-05T01:16:42Z")
Best used in a club/bar etc when someone repulsive is hitting on you: I’d rather use a fiberglass tampon than give you my number. Your mom called and said to pick her up from the truck stop…she made her quota. Were your parents related? And my personal favorite…after a guy came up to me and asked me to blow him-no hi,no my name is,etc… If I wanted to put something short and skinny in my mouth I’d ask the bartender for a toothpick-which I’m sure would dwarf whatever you have to offer. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/98 "2001-03-05T02:21:42Z")
In reponse to someone calling me stupid on this board. “I do not possess the intelligence required to explain to you just how fucked up you are. No one–not even our beloved Cecil Adams is that smart.” ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/99 "2001-03-05T02:34:46Z")
Dear, we have a _corporation_ now. Please fill out the requisite forms, and let me deal with them, while you dress tastefully. ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398/100 "2001-03-05T04:02:56Z")
When brains were being passed out, he was first in line but held the door open for everyone. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult-in-25-words-or-less/24398.md?page=6)