# What's your best insult? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 11, 2003, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294 "2003-12-11T05:51:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![PucksRaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecd19e/32.png) [@PucksRaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PucksRaven)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/1 "2003-12-11T05:51:58Z")
Sort of a coin toss whether this should go in the Pit, since there is the potential for swearing. I think if we all promise not to aim the insults at someone we’ll toe the line, but if Greater Minds feel this belongs elsewhere I apologize and bow to their wisdom. Several things brought this thought on, but it occured to me the people on these boards are masters at the unique insult. I’m always in the market for a better way to tell someone off, so I’m sending this out. What’s you’re favorite/most unique/funniest insult. Could be from you, another board member, a novel, Shakespeare, whatever floats your boat. I suppose we could vote on a winner, but I shudder to think what the trophy would be. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/2 "2003-12-11T06:42:05Z")
“Say ‘hi’ to your Mom for me. I haven’t seen her since she last had me over to shave her back.” ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/3 "2003-12-11T06:45:43Z")
Listen, if you were a “Commie Pinko dogbreathed mother fuckin’ grabasstic piece of a mother fuckin’ son of a bitch”, we may have words. But then again, it rolls off the tongue with more fluency than a post can iterate. Tripler I am a son of a bitch. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/4 "2003-12-11T06:56:09Z")
I prefer the simple elegance of “pigdog.” But my idea of an endearment is weasel-woozle," so there you have it. ---
**Author:** ![Danalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/5 "2003-12-11T06:56:53Z")
“That’s OK, somebody has to build the rockets.” ---
**Author:** ![CaptBushido](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@CaptBushido](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptBushido)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/6 "2003-12-11T07:32:53Z")
I don’t know about long, honest, angry, true-to-God, “YOU HAVE PISSED ME OFF” insults, I’d have to think about that. But for casual derogatory slurs against friends I employ the “Ass-(blank)” formula to always have a fresh one on hand. i.e: Asshole Assclown Asshat Assface Assdick Assraper Asspirate Assmaster Assgoblin Asswhore Asswipe ---
**Author:** ![funions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/34f0e0/32.png) [@funions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/funions)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/7 "2003-12-11T07:50:28Z")
“No one is inferrior to you.” ---
**Author:** ![sirtonyh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@sirtonyh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sirtonyh)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/8 "2003-12-11T08:34:53Z")
Shodans rant in the coldfire thread currently going on in the pit takes some beating. Not so much an insult as a four paragraph dissertation. My favorite line in it was; “Milk cartons should carry pictures of your grip on reality”. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/9 "2003-12-11T08:40:25Z")
There’s nothing quite like a well-placed ethnic joke in good fun with close friends. I’m Jewish, and a lot of my friends are black, Mexican or Asian (not to mention most of my teammates on the basketball team), so we generally insult each other with the standard thievery/money-hoarding/fried-chicken/watermelons/rice/illegal-immigration fare. I would never do any of this with someone if I’m not absolutely positive that they’re comfortable with it. Another one of my favorite insults is to imitate a snorting motion and rub my nose immediately afterwards, essentially accusing someone who says something stupid of riding the white horse. Another is the inhale/cough routine, essentially accusing someone of being stoned. This also works well when someone says that their mouth is really dry today, or for some reason they’re really hungry, or whatnot. Both of these are also in good fun, and I rarely use them on people who I’m not on friendly terms with. If someone does some kind of wacky swerving maneuver or something on the road (outside of normal defensive-driving, avoid-running-over-that-thing sort of stuff), I’ll occasionally put my hand to my lips and tip my head back to imitate the motion of drinking from a beer bottle. Pretty obvious implications there. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/10 "2003-12-11T08:49:50Z")
**Save your breath. You’ll need it to inflate your date.** 4 years of college… but not to unavail !!! ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/11 "2003-12-11T08:53:57Z")
I forget if this was a bumper sticker, a T-shirt, or what, but: “If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic” is one I’ll never forget. ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/12 "2003-12-11T11:58:50Z")
“We all have a God given right to stupidity, please stop abusing the privlidge” and from an episode of Cheers “You amaze me, usually people with your lack of good looks make up with up with some sort of a personality.” ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/13 "2003-12-11T12:09:14Z")
A great one I heard of a UK comedian using: Heckler: “Why are you so fat?” Comedian: “Because every time I fucked your mum she gave me a biscuit.” My personal creation: “If you weren’t such a cunt I’d feel sorry for you.” ---
**Author:** ![j\_sum1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8baadc/32.png) [@j\_sum1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_sum1)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/14 "2003-12-11T12:09:23Z")
My standard favourite – “Couldn’t find sand if he fell off a camel.” Anoter favourite – “He thinks he is witty and he’s half right.” ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/15 "2003-12-11T12:29:24Z")
You gotta be dry humping me ---
**Author:** ![paulberserker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c4cdca/32.png) [@paulberserker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/paulberserker)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/16 "2003-12-11T12:33:32Z")
your momma so stupid, she sit on the TV and watch the couch any long winded descriptive rant beginning with ‘you stupid’ and ending with ‘motherfucker’ works for me, ie “you stupid theatre going what not to wear watching motherfucker” and/or Fuckpig Nobarse etc etc ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/17 "2003-12-11T13:05:03Z")
“What is you major malfunction?” ::bang:: ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/18 "2003-12-11T13:10:57Z")
**Moderator’s Notes:** Folks, as amusing as all this creative cursing might be to some, let’s try to keep this thread free of that kinda stuff. We’ve very recently instated a rule in the Pit that says, "[3) No pit threads specifically to expand one’s repertoire of insults](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&postid=4328200#post4328200), and we should be holding to an even higher standard here in MPSIMS. I think if we’re gonna do this at all, comments should be held to humourous remarks, such as, “May all your teeth fall out but one, and may that one rot so you have a toothache.” Thank you for your cooperation. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/19 "2003-12-11T13:23:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by UncleBeer \* > \*\*“May all your teeth fall out but one, and may that one rot so you have a toothache.” > \*\* “… and after, may a diseased camel then spit upon your yogurt.” ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/20 "2003-12-11T13:23:59Z")
“You couldn’t organize a bunfight at Kiplings”, was one I heard someone say (not to me) yesterday. Just in case Kiplings is a UK only phenomena, it is the name of a company that makes lots and lots of cakes/buns etc. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294.md?page=2)