# What's your best insult? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 11, 2003, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294 "2003-12-11T05:51:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![LadySybil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c89c15/32.png) [@LadySybil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadySybil)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/41 "2003-12-13T02:43:12Z")
You couldn’t get a stroke of genius if you were giving a handjob to Einstein. ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/42 "2003-12-13T05:59:54Z")
“You are such a chunk of POO!” ---
**Author:** ![BarnOwl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@BarnOwl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BarnOwl)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/43 "2003-12-13T14:37:11Z")
I just skimmed this thread, hoping to see my all time favorite Cuban Curse. This little gem convinced me, that when it comes to epithets, Americans have light years to go. (That opinion has since changed, after reading some blistering pittings here at SD.) Anyway, it’s from my 1950’s memories, and there are definitely misspellings, particularly in the second word. The whole thing goes like so: “Me caguin el guarda fango, que quite el gango de conyo tu puta madre.” It graphically describes just how low your mamma is, and translates as follows. “I shit on the fender that keeps the mud out of your mother’s cunt.” To pronounce the second word, for the “g” you have to make a very short guttural noise in the back of your throat (as in the German Ach), followed by a “w” sound for “u”. So, it sounds roughly like “KAHchwin”. And the “e” in “quite” (another misspelling?) is elided so it comes out as “keet el fango”. All in all, it can sound so lyrical, you could whisper it to your most precious - but Spanish-ignorant - SO who would melt in your arms over yet another supremely sexy thing you can do with your tongue. However if you choose to say it to someone in a bodega, I suggest you have your engine running for a very very fast getaway. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/44 "2003-12-13T14:51:22Z")
Hold that thought, I don’t want you to be stupid the rest of the day. Nice to meet you, the pleasure was all yours. Yes, your the one. Your picture was on a pro-abortion billboard. ---
**Author:** ![Brad\_Pittiful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b3f665/32.png) [@Brad\_Pittiful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brad_Pittiful)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/45 "2003-12-13T17:38:36Z")
oh yeah…well the jerk store called and theyre all out of you ---
**Author:** ![sirtonyh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@sirtonyh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sirtonyh)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/46 "2003-12-13T17:59:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shodan \* > \*\ ***Cervaise** ’s Pit thread entitled [The Telemarketer Speaks - I Respond](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=51270&highlight=Telemarketer) is the greatest flame in the history of the English language. > > Second place goes to a flame that I don’t remember the source of, but a version of it is posted on Opal’s Page o’ Flames - > And **sirtonyh** - thanks for the warm fuzzies. > > Regards, > Shodan \*\* You are most welcome, that rant absolutely deserved praise and recognition you [turd like four eyed smelly crotched sperm bank](http://www.insults.net/html/odd/random.html?x=4) 😃 Thanks for the link. Cervaise, if you happen to be passing by the neighborhood, that is an absolute masterpiece. Worthy of the internet hall of fame ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/47 "2003-12-13T18:27:19Z")
“You snot-gobbling dimwitted little shite hawk, how many times do you need telling? you put your fucking socks on before your shoes” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/48 "2003-12-13T18:56:50Z")
“You are so dense you have an event horizon.” was always one of my favorites. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Immortal\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/da6949/32.png) [@The\_Immortal\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Immortal_Mango)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/49 "2003-12-13T20:28:17Z")
The best is: Hippo-croc-a-pig. Not mine but stolen from Chris Moyles but genius all the same. Oh and try some old worldy ones like: cretin and plebian. I also like the Hitchikers’ :Semi-evolved simian. The one I often use is: Look, here are some razor blades, go stand in that traffic over there and suck them. There’s a good boy/girl/hippocrocapig" ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/50 "2003-12-13T20:34:11Z")
Yo mom’s so stank she gets sourdough yeast infections. ---
**Author:** ![mallocks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f4b2a3/32.png) [@mallocks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mallocks)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/51 "2003-12-13T21:23:34Z")
> [@](#): > > They say that if a million monkeys typed at a million keyboards for a million years, you would get all the great works of Western literarure. > > Your post was a twenty minute, three monkey job. Also in Dilbert, I believe 🙂 I quite like: “The fact that you won the race is an insult to your father’s virility” ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/52 "2003-12-13T22:15:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brad Pittiful \* > \*\*oh yeah…well the jerk store called and theyre all out of you \*\* ::falls to floor with laughter:: That’s easily the best one I’ve seen–so brililant in it’s simplicity! It has found a way into my collection. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/53 "2003-12-13T22:44:20Z")
I have 2 faves first: I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed MAN second : Dumber than a sneaker full of shit. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/54 "2003-12-13T23:40:09Z")
One of my friends was losing to a bunch of different people at a tournament I was at, and someone said “You’re getting passed around like a bong, except no one wants you.” ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2003, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/55 "2003-12-14T00:55:08Z")
**Jerk** : Incessant babbling. **Me** : Excuse me, but do you have a quarter? **Jerk** : (confused look on face) Um…yeah. **Me** : Good. Go call someone who gives a fuck about anything you have to say, since nobody here seems to. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2003, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/56 "2003-12-14T05:48:02Z")
“You are SO much less attractive when I’m sober.” ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2003, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/57 "2003-12-14T07:22:32Z")
“Thank goodness it not that often, **Maureen** …” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2003, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/58 "2003-12-14T07:27:17Z")
Can I buy a **'s** for $500? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2003, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/59 "2003-12-14T08:00:14Z")
Yep, and I’ll also sell you an \*\* n \*\* for the same price ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2003, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294/60 "2003-12-14T09:24:17Z")
Yeah, I saw that right after I posted. I thought it best to just give up and have another beer. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-best-insult/218294.md?page=4)