# What's your brilliant get-rich-quick scheme? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 19, 2004, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740 "2004-11-19T22:49:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/21 "2004-11-20T22:38:03Z")
I’m going to start up the greatest message board _evah_, you see? and I’m going to get thousands to join, because it’ll be all free, right? and then when they’re really hooked, say 3-4 years down the road…WHAM! I hit’s 'em up for a fee…nominal at first, but then…mwahahahaAHAHAHAHA! Wait. It’s been done? ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/22 "2004-11-21T02:08:19Z")
I’ve invented this simple device. You attach it to your phone. When you push the red button, the person at the other end of the line explodes. Very useful for those pesky telemarketing calls, and those ‘help line’ drones who keep putting you on the dreary ‘hold’ music when you have specifically asked them not to and they haven’t yet given you chance to fully explain the problem. Sells for about 10 dollars. I’m going to be sooooo rich. I’m also going to set up a website called ‘Been there, done that’. Whenever you meet someone, and you’re thinking of dating them, you just go to the BTDT website, tap in their name, and see the comments by the people they have previously dated. 5 dollars for access to information. 500 to have information deleted. I’m going to make Bill Gates look poor. ---
**Author:** ![Eleusis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Eleusis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleusis)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/23 "2004-11-21T02:12:00Z")
1. Steal underpants 2. ??? 3. Profit ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/24 "2004-11-21T02:20:32Z")
Send my entire family on an “all expenses paid” vacation to lovely downtown Baghdad, complete with “Uncle Sam Top Hats” and shiney necklaces of alternating red and white beads. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/25 "2004-11-21T02:38:24Z")
Another Phone Device. For Manly Men ( Construction Workers, HOckey Players) who talk to their wives while on their cell phone, instead of saying " I love you too, bye." and end up getting teased by their coworkers and team mates and run the risk of having their sperm count drop. There would be a button they push that they pre-record their voices too, to say these horrid sentances for them. ---
**Author:** ![Vreemdeling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7ea924/32.png) [@Vreemdeling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vreemdeling)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/26 "2004-11-21T02:56:45Z")
Ever notice how the alterative crowd digs organic stuff but smokes itself silly? We are going for organic tobacco to make ‘good for you’ cigars and -ettes. For the illegally minded, we may expend this to other illegal substances (yes, I am shooting up brown, but it is organic, man!).[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=5517164#](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=5517164#) ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/27 "2004-11-21T02:57:10Z")
> [@gatopescado](#): > > Send my entire family on an “all expenses paid” vacation to lovely downtown Baghdad, complete with “Uncle Sam Top Hats” and shiney necklaces of alternating red and white beads. How would this make any money? Anyway my plan is top secret, but I will tell you that it involvs ferrets, breast implants, and a large, well trained, loyal millitary force. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/28 "2004-11-21T02:57:26Z")
I have touted this for years, written about it before on these boards, but one day, it will be made: Here is my commerical: Got a long board meeting? Need to drive your 18 wheeler to Barrow, Alaska by 3pm tomorrow? Got a Thesis due in two days that you’ve put off for five years? Dinner with the In Laws? Slap on **Buzz**.Yes, Buzz Patch ™ will keep you awake with 200 grams of caffeine. No matter what your job, **Buzz** will keep up up and alert, humming happily through another dull and ditchwater board meeting. Simply peel off the backing and slap it too your neck. Its Ultra Top Secret Formula goes to work instantly through your carotoid artery sending a wave of energy right to your brain. It’s like your entire Central Nervous System has been upgraded to Terror Alert Orange in a matter of seconds! Its so safe even your grandma can use it. It’s THAT EASY! Just listen to our satisfied customers! \*" It’s like having a wave of minty freshness that you get when you pop a certs in your mouth, but directly in your brain. All day long." “I just got the new game **Quake 9000** and wanted to master it before all my friends. I just slapped on Buzz every six hours and didn’t sleep until I beat the game! Thanks.” " As an officer in the US Military it is imperative that our soldiers are mentally alert when we need them. Buzz Patches are now found in mess kits and are helping America Fight the War Against The Terrorist." " I had to attend my friend Katie O’Brien’s wedding. Oye. Catholic weddings are just what an insomniac needs for a good snooze. I put my patch on and stayed awake through the whole service. Thank you very much. Sincerely, Avi Mechim" - The list goes on and on. **Buzz Patches** are 100% natural. Safe, Kosher and have been used in Europe for YEEEEEARS. Made in America, it comes with a money back guarantee: \*_If Buzz Patch fails to keep you awake for at least six hours, we will refund your money_ less shipping and handling. \*\* $19.95 buys you 100 patches plus 100 waterproof patches for the White Water Rafting Vacation You Will Get AB-So-Lutely FREE if you order RIGHT NOW! Don’t Delay! Get **Buzz** To-day! Our operator is standing by. \*This guarantee is no applicable if you are diagnosed as a narcoleptic or live in Rhode Island. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/29 "2004-11-21T03:25:13Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Another Phone Device. > For Manly Men ( Construction Workers, HOckey Players) who talk to their wives while on their cell phone, instead of saying " I love you too, bye." and end up getting teased by their coworkers and team mates and run the risk of having their sperm count drop. > > There would be a button they push that they pre-record their voices too, to say these horrid sentances for them. I love it! If I could figure out how to make it an “add in” I would pursue it. Honestly, if you could make this cheaply and as an “add on” I think you could market it, at least as a novelty. ---
**Author:** ![stately\_plump\_buck\_mulligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@stately\_plump\_buck\_mulligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stately_plump_buck_mulligan)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/30 "2004-11-21T03:26:04Z")
> [@Vreemdeling](#): > > Ever notice how the alterative crowd digs organic stuff but smokes itself silly? > > We are going for organic tobacco to make ‘good for you’ cigars and -ettes. For the illegally minded, we may expend this to other illegal substances (yes, I am shooting up brown, but it is organic, man!).[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=5517164#](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=5517164#) [American Spirits](http://smoking.articleinsider.com/174342_american_spirit_cigarettes.html), for one, stole your idea awhile back. They’re very popular with what I suppose you would term the “alternative crowd.” Don’t know about the organic horse though. (Thankfully.) ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/31 "2004-11-21T05:03:57Z")
Mine involved a gun, a ski mask, and a liquor store. It didn’t go too well. But, in True American Fashion, “If at first you don’t succeed, move on up to Banks!” ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/32 "2004-11-21T05:53:20Z")
My get rich scheme is this: scan in some engineering drawings of circuit boards and a Dairy Queen soft serve ice cream maker. . Find an online sourse for Farsi fonts, and a Farsi translation service. I spin the drawings together in Photoshop, slap on “Ayatollah Mark I Nuclear Warhead” in Farsi at the top of the drawing, and peddle it to the CIA for big bucks. I’m not planning on working very hard at the drawing. They’ll figure out a way to believe it. Plan B: the Syrian “bomb”. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/33 "2004-11-21T06:04:00Z")
My plan is flawless. First, I need to acquire a large amount of LSD. One would at first think that I already acquired it and thought up this plan while enjoying it, but remember, true genius often resembles insanity when viewed by the layman. Second, on a Sunday, I slip a hit or twain of Lady Lucy to my buddy’s religious, church-going God-fearing conservativate-for-the-sake-of-conservative mom. She trips out while at Church, believes Jesus is speaking to her, and begins speaking in tongues as she hallucinates angels and demons battling it out around her. This, of course, will result in some pretty interesting attention. Properly utilized and exploited - several adventures with hallucinogens on holy ground may be necessary - this attention can reach a national level. My buddy and myself will serve as the drug-addled woman’s spokesguys, and rake in profits. Unfortunately, it’s hard as hell to find acid. Grumble grumble… I can always fall back on Plan B: Rob a bank. I have this theory that if I only steal ten thousand dollars, they won’t bother trying to get it back and then I’ll be home free. ---
**Author:** ![SandWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8491ac/32.png) [@SandWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandWriter)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/34 "2004-11-21T06:14:09Z")
Hey All, My plan would be to open a lottery store in California. I’d sell greeting cards that people could put scratchers in for gifts. I’d have a big screen for the “hot spot” game. I’d have 3-4 kiosks so people that don’t like dealing with people could come in and play. The part that would make me rich is that I would provide an “analyze this number” service and create a report on how often a users set of numbers have come up (available free on the California Lotto Website). For only $20.00 per set. I’d also feed the gamblers Fallacy by selling a “Numbers News” newsletter that would have factoids like how many draws it has been since each Mega Number was drawn. I would put the one that was the longest out in bold. And I’d have a spanish version as well. For only $5.00/copy. So, between the newsletter, the analyze number service, and the percentage of any wins from the store, I’d be set for life! The only thing I’m wondering, is if I am a lottery merchant, can I still play the lottery? p.s. when mentioned this topic at work, it seems that each engineer has a product that they are working on that will lead to them getting rich eventually. So instead of a get rich quick scheme, they all have “get rich eventually schemes.” ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/35 "2004-11-21T06:18:32Z")
Produce a movie called _Winner of 17 Academy Awards, Including Best Picture_. The marketing would write itself. ---
**Author:** ![Eleusis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Eleusis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleusis)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/36 "2004-11-21T09:55:15Z")
> [@iamthewalrus(:3=](#): > > Produce a movie called _Winner of 17 Academy Awards, Including Best Picture_. > > The marketing would write itself. Well, I’ve seen at least three different bands who called themselves, “Free Beer”. They ALL sucked. ---
**Author:** ![DanBlather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@DanBlather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DanBlather)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/37 "2004-11-21T11:13:25Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > Just let us know how the cell works out. That is very illegal. What a party-pooper, good thing you didn’t work for Enron. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/38 "2004-11-21T11:28:03Z")
> [@](#): > > Produce a movie called Winner of 17 Academy Awards, Including Best Picture. > > The marketing would write itself. My movie, _Banned in Eight States for Excessive Nudity and Sexual Situations_, will beat yours in DVD sales though. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/39 "2004-11-21T12:27:08Z")
I’d create a show where you get a bunch of people together, selected for maximum conflict and varying degrees of uselessness, force them to live together for an extended period in an inhospitable location, and film the whole mess. Nah, on second thought no one would ever watch that crap. Ooh, I know. I’d find a girl who was passably attractive but without any real musical talent or training, dress her in whatever hookers are wearing these days, and have her perform stuff written by someone else and choreographed by guys who used to make porn movies. No, who still make porn movies. Then I’d market it to young girls. Hmm, no I don’t think that’ll fly either. I’m not very good at this game. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740/40 "2004-11-21T12:47:36Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Yes, Buzz Patch ™ will keep you awake with 200 grams of caffeine. No matter what your job, **Buzz** will keep up up and alert, humming happily through another dull and ditchwater board meeting. At [roughly fifty times the LD50](http://www.erowid.org/ask/ask.cgi?ID=2954), it is unlikely many folks would be awake long. > [@Stately Plumb Buck Mulligan](#): > > [American Spirits](http://smoking.articleinsider.com/174342_american_spirit_cigarettes.html), for one, stole your idea awhile back. But, [them hippy smokes aint nowhere near as good as a pack of Nat Shermans](http://www.natsherman.com/product.cfm?CFID=492497&CFTOKEN=cc62ae8ca3223dfb-5B286024-65B8-EC0F-D2FA230861EB704B&productid=1111) **simply\_cats** : While reduing road rage might be a good idea, I, for one, would like to make money off of it. I’m going to make a kit, and call it the Road Rage 5000 (spiffy, eh?) This kit will consist of transparent LCD screens on the front and back windshields and a computer on the dash that’d have advanced voice recognition abilities. Someone cuts you off? “Hey motherfucker, learn to drive!” shows up on your front windshield in huge red letters. You cut someone else off? “Ha ha. Tool. Eat my dust.” shows up on your read windshield in huge red letters. I think I’d make a fortune, at least until the families of people who were killed due to use of this product would start suing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-brilliant-get-rich-quick-scheme/275740.md?page=3)