# What's your definition of sexual deviancy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 21, 2006, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657 "2006-04-21T17:36:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![XaMcQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/f9ae1b/32.png) [@XaMcQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XaMcQ)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/1 "2006-04-21T17:36:56Z")
This question is inspired by an answer on a [question](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=368171) back in GQ, concerning men, women and fetishes. According to one reply, what most people think of as a fetish is officially a paraphilia(I know, I never heard of it before either). But the definition provided by the link in the repy really pushed my buttons. > [@](#): > > par·a·phil·i·a > n. > Any of a group of psychosexual disorders characterized by sexual fantasies, feelings, or activities involving a nonhuman object, a nonconsenting partner such as a child, or pain or humiliation of oneself or one’s partner. Also called sexual deviation. I don’t appreciate my harmless kinks lumping me in with pedophiles, thank you very much, and I think most people who participate in BDSM or roleplay or whatever with consenting adults would also find that offensive. Just what is supposedly considered ‘normal sex’? Is it dependent on cultural values? If you took procreation as the ‘standard’, nearly everybody is deviant. If you say that the purpose of sex is to pair bond, have fun or relieve stress, what difference does it make if you want to do it in a rubber cat suit? ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/2 "2006-04-21T17:41:37Z")
I’ll know it when I see it. If it gives me a twith in the Levis, it ain’t deviant. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/3 "2006-04-21T17:55:17Z")
Anything where there is an element of non-consensuality is deviant, and anything that causes long term or permanent physical or mental harm to anyone involved. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/4 "2006-04-21T17:58:06Z")
For me personally, that which I find a turn off in the context of sexual relations between two or more consenting adults. ---
**Author:** ![JustAnotherGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/58f4c7/32.png) [@JustAnotherGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustAnotherGeek)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/5 "2006-04-21T17:58:53Z")
I think this joke (from Drew Carey) says a lot on this subject: > [@not verbatim](#): > > A lonely fella at a bar strikes up his courage to chat up the gorgeous blonde sitting next to him. Things are going so well, they agree to go back to her place. > > “But,” she warns him, “I’m into kinky sex.” > > “That’s great!” he says. “So am I!” > > They get back to her place, both rarin’ to go. They slam the door behind them and she disengages to tell him, “wait here. I’ll be right back.” > > She retires to her bedroom, and, in short order, returns in a full body leather suit (complete with holes in the right places, riding crop, and candles), only to see the guy donning his coat and opening the front door. > > “Waitaminute!” she says. “I thought you said you were into kinky sex?” > > “I am,” he says. “I just shat in your purse and fucked your dog. I’m outta here!” Ok, so what was the point of this (other than to retell that joke)? 😃 Some folks don’t see the difference between him and her. I suppose in the “strictest” definition of deviant (i.e. away from the norm), the linked definition _may_ be correct. While I don’t doubt that BDSM &/| role-playing, etc, are becomming more “main-stream,” I imagine that “plain-ole vanilla sex” is still considered the norm. And, to be sure, some people refuse to see the norm as only one of a panopoly of choices. IOW, I don’t agree with lumping safe activities between consenting adults in with zoophily and pedarest, but it does not surprise me that someone does. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/6 "2006-04-21T18:15:14Z")
> [@XaMcQ](#): > > What’s your definition of sexual deviancy? Mine is the same as everybody else’s: _Anything that **you** are willing to do, that **I** ain’t._ Sad—often true. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/7 "2006-04-21T18:19:31Z")
I don’t really have a definition of sexual deviancy. I don’t really care if an act is deviant or not. All I care about is whether it’s ethical or not, and that for me begins and ends with consent. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/8 "2006-04-21T18:24:01Z")
A sexual deviation is whatever whoever is in the position to define sexual normalcy/deviancy decides to define as a sexual deviation. Which means that your mileage is going to vary, depending on how tight the straitjacket of normalcy is usually fitted in your particular socio-historical neighbourhood. Personally, I’m not really into wearing straitjackets, normalcy-related ones or any other kinds, in the bedroom… but, hey if it works for you, go ahead. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/9 "2006-04-21T18:36:59Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > I don’t really have a definition of sexual deviancy. I don’t really care if an act is deviant or not. All I care about is whether it’s ethical or not, and that for me begins and ends with consent. Seconded. I’d say my tastes are pretty plain-vanilla, but then again I go pretty equally for guys and girls: some people would say that I’m horribly ‘deviant’. As long as two mature people have consented to do X, why does it matter? ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/10 "2006-04-21T19:53:50Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > As long as two mature people have consented to do X, why does it matter? You’re into **X**?? You’re _sick_! ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/11 "2006-04-21T19:55:37Z")
Deviant is anything that I’m not into and that I find gross. Won’t go far with an overall definition, but it works for me. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/12 "2006-04-21T20:08:25Z")
I always thought they meant _statistically_ deviant, meaning something less common, rather than morally deviant. ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/13 "2006-04-21T20:15:10Z")
Easy answer: Anything with a corpse, a poodle, or a 5yr old. Longer one: Anything with bodily excretion. Not wrong, per se, just unusual. Or a lot of pain, like drawing blood stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/14 "2006-04-21T20:32:01Z")
> [@Love Rhombus](#): > > Easy answer: Anything with a corpse, a poodle, or a 5yr old. So a dead 5-year-old poodle is definitely off limits? The problem is that “deviant” here has a moral overtone. So, I might (hypothetically, of course) have a thing for bald 80-year-old women dressed as storm troopers, which would be statistically very rare, and most would find very odd, but they would probably not find it morally wrong. On the other hand, it would be very common for 20-year-old men to be attracted to 16-year-old girls, but if the age of consent in their jurisdiction is 18, consummating the attraction would be illegal, and hence (at least in some sense) morally wrong. ---
**Author:** ![XaMcQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/f9ae1b/32.png) [@XaMcQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XaMcQ)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/15 "2006-04-21T20:33:18Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I always thought they meant _statistically_ deviant, meaning something less common, rather than morally deviant. If it is statistically, why not include homosexuality? That’s still a minority of the population, isn’t it? And according to several sources I’ve read, a _majority_ of women have rape fantasies. Even tame romance books seem to indicate this is at least somewhat true. ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/16 "2006-04-21T21:08:30Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > Mine is the same as everybody else’s: _Anything that **you** are willing to do, that **I** ain’t._ > > Sad—often true. Jali \<----------------------------Agreeing with Bosda DCT. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/17 "2006-04-21T23:28:27Z")
> [@jali](#): > > Jali \<----------------------------Agreeing with Bosda DCT. And **Bosda** but that definition would make your partner a sexual deviant if you are heterosexual, or the opposite sex sexual deviants if you are homosexual. Since they do things you would not wish to do yourself (unless you are fully bisexual that is). Are 80year old couples sexually deviant because you personally would not like to have sex with an 80 year old? I think the ‘common’ definition people use is “Anything that makes me feel queezy thinking about it is sexual deviation” or “If it squicks me out it’s deviant”. Though a somewhat usable definition, it soon breaks down in usability when you learn of a greater range of possible sexual activities. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/18 "2006-04-21T23:38:37Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > And **Bosda** > > but that definition would make your partner a sexual deviant if you are heterosexual, or the opposite sex sexual deviants if you are homosexual. Since they do things you would not wish to do yourself (unless you are fully bisexual that is). > Are 80year old couples sexually deviant because you personally would not like to have sex with an 80 year old? > > I think the ‘common’ definition people use is “Anything that makes me feel queezy thinking about it is sexual deviation” or “If it squicks me out it’s deviant”. > Though a somewhat usable definition, it soon breaks down in usability when you learn of a greater range of possible sexual activities. Yes, straight people are sexual deviants. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2006, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/19 "2006-04-22T00:08:40Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > Yes, straight people are sexual deviants. 😃 Well usually both partners are doing something the other partner would rather not do. In fact only homosexuals are Christian about sex, since they do unto others as they would have done unto themselves. 🙂 (OK ignoring people who are strictly tops or strictly bottoms) Though I wouldn’t call it deviant, just about the weirdest thing I can imagine sexually is a couple that only ever try missionary style and never experiment with anythig else. Now that would squick me out. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2006, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657/20 "2006-04-22T02:48:04Z")
I can’t completely define deviation, but I can tell the high water mark in my life is getting lower and lower (higher and higher?) all the time. I’ll agree with consent with the provisio - The affected party must be capabile of _informed_ consent. A 14 year old having sex with a 30 year old doesn’t count, even if the 14 year old says ‘yes’. Nuthin’ wrong with machinery. Nuthin particularly wrong with all the various tab A -\> Slot B permutations. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-definition-of-sexual-deviancy/353657.md?page=2)