# What's your favorite conspiracy theory? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 16, 2005, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606 "2005-04-16T05:35:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/21 "2005-04-17T01:25:36Z")
I’m a big fan of the black helicopter nonsense. Like how the UN is attempting to take over the US by using black helicopters to kill and mutilate American moo-cows. Or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/22 "2005-04-17T01:48:47Z")
I remember hearing some theory that the sound barriers by the highways were installed to make it easy to create instant concentration camps. (Just build barriers at the exit ramps, and we’re all behind the wall.) ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/23 "2005-04-17T04:06:44Z")
These all sound like headlines out of the _Weekly World News_. I know, because years ago as a poor college student I worked in a dime store, and when things weren’t busy and we’d finished doing our duties, we’d read the tabloids. My 3 favourite stories from that time were [ul] [li]That JFK was alive but in a coma in a secret Swiss clinic, high in the mountains.[/li][li]That Basque monks had centuries ago managed to trap Satan in a cell in their monastery and had to pray nonstop to keep him there.[/li][li]That Satan’s face had been seen in a cloud of smoke from a burning oil well in Alaska (this was a week or so after the story about the monks. I guess someone slept through prayer duty.)[/li][/ul] The latest one that’s got me chuckling, though, is that the US government has a talking cat that they’re going to use to spy on Iraqi insurgents. Think about it! Not only can the cat talk, but it’s fluent in at _least two languages_! ---
**Author:** ![wonderwench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/35a633/32.png) [@wonderwench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderwench)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/24 "2005-04-17T04:21:04Z")
My very favorite tabloid story of all time is “Aliens Steal Truckload of Peanut Butter”. I keep waiting for the sequel in which they steal a truckload of chocolate bars. There was a fun, but short-lived series on the SciFi Channel called The Chronicle (I think) about a tabloid magazine - it ended up that the stories were true. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/25 "2005-04-17T04:24:34Z")
I learned of three of my favorites right here on the SDMB in the summer of 2004: 1. Bush has entered into a conspiracy with the Saudis, and gasoline prices will plunge several weeks before the election. 2. Bush will stage a major terrorist attack right before the election, to ensure he’s re-elected. 3. Bush will cancel the election for “reasons of national security”. Ah, well. ---
**Author:** ![wonderwench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/35a633/32.png) [@wonderwench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderwench)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/26 "2005-04-17T04:30:28Z")
Don’t worry. I’ve been hearing a bit of buzz about how Bush is going to cancel the 2008 election, declare martial law - and then establish a monarchy for the Bush Dynasty. You can always look forward to that one! ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/27 "2005-04-17T04:36:11Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > No one looked too closely, because almost everyone was happy that he was gone… Maybe also because Henry was a very scary man. People who pissed him off got tossed off of castles. So if his brother dies conveniently, thus allowing him to be king, it’s probably best to smile, congratulate him, and not think too hard over it. ---
**Author:** ![Cherry8943](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Cherry8943](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cherry8943)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/28 "2005-04-17T04:43:22Z")
/Ned Flanders/ “They’re controlling our minds with flu shots.”/Ned Flanders/ ---
**Author:** ![Balle\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@Balle\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balle_M)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/29 "2005-04-17T04:45:52Z")
> [@Laughing Lagomorph](#): > > I’m a big fan of the black helicopter nonsense. Like how the UN is attempting to take over the US by using black helicopters to kill and mutilate American moo-cows. Or something like that. OK, it’s probably worth my life to pass on this information, but I think the truth needs to come out… According to an officer in the (I shit you not) West Virginia Militia, The United Nations and its minions led by Bill Clinton have built giant concentration camps in remote areas (("No, I haven’t actually\* seen \* one myself, but the intellegence (Ha!) is solid)) to control all the patriots (i.e. grossly overweight white guys with .30-30s) who would oppose the UN takeover of the US of A. Plus, the Black Helicopters TM are all flown by furriners because he heard one of them “speaking Belgian” on the radio. ---
**Author:** ![Balle\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@Balle\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balle_M)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/30 "2005-04-17T04:50:03Z")
Also, Clinton and the UN are making me misspell “intelligence”… ---
**Author:** ![wonderwench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/35a633/32.png) [@wonderwench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderwench)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/31 "2005-04-17T04:50:44Z")
> [@Balle\_M](#): > > OK, it’s probably worth my life to pass on this information, but I think the truth needs to come out… > > According to an officer in the (I shit you not) West Virginia Militia, The United Nations and its minions led by Bill Clinton have built giant concentration camps in remote areas (("No, I haven’t actually\* seen \* one myself, but the intellegence (Ha!) is solid)) to control all the patriots (i.e. grossly overweight white guys with .30-30s) who would oppose the UN takeover of the US of A. > > Plus, the Black Helicopters TM are all flown by furriners because he heard one of them “speaking Belgian” on the radio. That is basically correct - except for the part about concentration camps being in remote areas. This is what the sound walls lining freeways are for. (see above). West Virginians in particular are totally fluxored - thanks to Senator Byrd and his plan to pave over all open spaces. ---
**Author:** ![Opus1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/858c86/32.png) [@Opus1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Opus1)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/32 "2005-04-17T06:14:37Z")
NASA framed O.J. Simpson for murder because his movie, Capricorn One, shed light on how they had faked the moon landings. Or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/33 "2005-04-17T06:52:41Z")
What is with you people? Over 30 posts and not one mention of [Time Cube](http://www.timecube.com). Do I have to do everything? I have a soft spot for the Gemstone Files. Maybe because it takes so long to read (and I’ve never found the complete text, just an excerpt which is said to comprise maybe 40% of the whole thing) that it suckers you into it. It starts out fairly innocuously with Aristotle Onassis running drugs and booze in the 30s, and then things get progressively, but slowly, weirder until the US is littered with subterranean alien bases waiting for the moment to strike and enslave the population of the Earth. Good stuff. Oh, and there’s [this one](http://webusers.physics.umn.edu/~duvernoi/proteus.html). ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/34 "2005-04-17T07:01:55Z")
> [@Balle\_M](#): > > Also, Clinton and the UN are making me misspell “intelligence”… Wait until those [psychotronic signals _really_ start to work.](http://meetme.hotornot.com/r/?emid=NYR8OLE) :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/35 "2005-04-17T23:28:28Z")
> [@wonderwench](#): > > I’ve been hearing a bit of buzz about how Bush is going to cancel the 2008 election, declare martial law - and then establish a monarchy for the Bush Dynasty. Does that mean you have Queen Bush to look forward to? Somehow Duke Jeb of Tampa doesn’t have quite that aristocratic ring to it, and Princess Jenna sounds like either a character from a rejected Star Wars draft or one of those slutty Barbie dolls who dress like Estonian pole-dancers. My favourite conspiracy theory/UL is that David Duchovny is actually Adam West’s illegitimate son. ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/36 "2005-04-17T23:43:08Z")
> [@Balle\_M](#): > > OK, it’s probably worth my life to pass on this information, but I think the truth needs to come out… > > According to an officer in the (I shit you not) West Virginia Militia, The United Nations and its minions led by Bill Clinton have built giant concentration camps in remote areas (("No, I haven’t actually\* seen \* one myself, but the intellegence (Ha!) is solid)) to control all the patriots (i.e. grossly overweight white guys with .30-30s) who would oppose the UN takeover of the US of A. > > Plus, the Black Helicopters TM are all flown by furriners because he heard one of them “speaking Belgian” on the radio. Stop it! Stop it! You’re killing me! 😛 **wonderwench** I read the _exact_ same conspiracy theory on line, in fact there was a big discussion about it. Only it was the 2000 elections, not the 2008 and the President was Clinton not Bush! ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2005, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/37 "2005-04-18T00:04:12Z")
> [@Balle\_M](#): > > OK, it’s probably worth my life to pass on this information, but I think the truth needs to come out… > > According to an officer in the (I shit you not) West Virginia Militia, The United Nations and its minions led by Bill Clinton have built giant concentration camps in remote areas (("No, I haven’t actually\* seen \* one myself, but the intellegence (Ha!) is solid)) to control all the patriots (i.e. grossly overweight white guys with .30-30s) who would oppose the UN takeover of the US of A. > > Plus, the Black Helicopters TM are all flown by furriners because he heard one of them “speaking Belgian” on the radio. Oooh! They must be collaborating with the masons! I mean, look at the obvious connections: The Denver airport is part of a giant concentration camp plan. The Denver airport is fairly remote. Therefore… _looks around nervously, smooths tinfoil beanie down onto my head_ ---
**Author:** ![wonderwench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/35a633/32.png) [@wonderwench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderwench)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2005, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/38 "2005-04-18T00:19:57Z")
> [@Laughing Lagomorph](#): > > Stop it! Stop it! You’re killing me! 😛 > > **wonderwench** I read the _exact_ same conspiracy theory on line, in fact there was a big discussion about it. Only it was the 2000 elections, not the 2008 and the President was Clinton not Bush! Somehow a Clinton Dynasty just doesn’t have the same panache as a Bush one. I mean, Roger vs. Jeb? C’mon. Even diehard Clintonistas must admit the Jeb has a bit more on the ball than the drug dealing pardon pusher. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2005, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/39 "2005-04-18T00:54:10Z")
William Shakespeare’s plays were actually written by any individual or combination drawn from a cast including, but by no means limited to, [Edward de Vere,](http://www.shakespeare-oxford.com/) [Francis Bacon,](http://www.sirbacon.org/links/evidence.htm) [Christopher Marlowe,](http://www.love-poems.me.uk/biography_shakespeare_william.htm) [Mary Sidney Herbert,](http://msnbc.msn.com/id/5251226/site/newsweek/) and [William Stanley.](http://search.eb.com/shakespeare/micro/729/88.html) ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2005, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606/40 "2005-04-18T01:04:27Z")
Ah! I love Shakespeare authorship! The Marlovian theory is my favorite, just because it’s so dashing. Marlowe fakes his own death and writes all of Shakespeare’s plays while secretly spyhatting around Europe and Ireland, uncovering and foiling plots against the English crown. Oh, yeah, and he’s gay and atheist. Scandal! Drama! Romance! It helps that, in my head, Marlowe is usually played by Rupert Everett a la _Shakespeare in Love_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory/299606.md?page=3)