# What's your favorite Dorothy Parker quote? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 7, 2010, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467 "2010-08-07T00:00:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2010, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/21 "2010-08-07T19:03:04Z")
> [@gonzomax](#): > > [Dorothy Parker Quotes - The Quotations Page](http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Dorothy_Parker/) I can’t believe no one said, Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses. I’ve always taken exception to that quote. She was a smart woman, but didn’t know everything about guys. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2010, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/22 "2010-08-07T19:13:44Z")
I’ve always loved that she named her pet bird **Onan**. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2010, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/23 "2010-08-07T19:26:03Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > I’ve always loved that she named her pet bird **Onan**. That one took me a moment, but it’s a real groaner. I thought I had one, but when I checked online it turned out to be Ogden Nash. Pity. ---
**Author:** ![MTCicero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@MTCicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MTCicero)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2010, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/24 "2010-08-07T20:04:29Z")
“Whoever’s calling can’t be as cute as U.” (Dorothy Parker was _cool_!) ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2010, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/25 "2010-08-07T20:29:16Z")
Hilarity N. Suze, it’s not true that if someone else said it they would want the attribution. It seems that some of the misattributed Parker lines were made up by other people who thought that they could come up with just as clever a line as Parker could. They then attributed the line to Parker because it would make it more likely for other people to quote it. ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2010, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/26 "2010-08-07T20:41:08Z")
I’m never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don’t do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don’t even do that anymore. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2010, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/27 "2010-08-07T22:51:25Z")
Possibly apocryphal, but very favored, when she came to a doorway the same time as some little tart, the tart gestured she should go first and added “age before beauty.” Dorothy Parker replied, “Pearls before swine.” ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2010, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/28 "2010-08-07T23:35:02Z")
> [@phouka](#): > > Possibly apocryphal, but very favored, when she came to a doorway the same time as some little tart, the tart gestured she should go first and added “age before beauty.” > > Dorothy Parker replied, “Pearls before swine.” INterestingly, this one came up on my linguist list today. It first appears in a New Yorker story in 1941. The New YOrker labled it “apocryphal,” which no doubt it is/was. > [@](#): > > Mrs. Parker’s disinclination for Miss[Clare] Boothe[Luce] is said to have sprung from the familiar but apocryphal incident of the two ladies’ happening > to enter a restaurant at the same time, several years ago. “Age before > beauty,” said Miss Boothe to Mrs. Parker, according to this tale. “And > pearls before swine,” Mrs. Parker replied sweeping ahead. Luce denied that this ever happened. Not many scholars think it did. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2010, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/29 "2010-08-07T23:48:46Z")
“Four be the things I’d been better without, Love, curiousity, freckles, and doubt.” ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/30 "2010-08-08T02:23:06Z")
Dorothy Parker has long been a favourite. I actually have a copy of _Sunset Gun_, which was originally published in 1928, though my copy is the Pocket Books edition from 1940. Anyway, a favourite from that collection: Thoughts for a Sunshiny Morning It costs me never a stab nor squirm To tread by chance upon a worm. “Aha, my little dear,” I say, “Your clan will pay me back some day.” ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/31 "2010-08-08T02:46:01Z")
When her husband died a friend came to console her and asked ‘can I get you anything?’ to which Dorothy responded ‘A new husband’. When the friend said that even for her that was tasteless she replied “OK, how about a ham sandwich?” Doesn’t stand on its own but I love it, and the better quotes are taken. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/32 "2010-08-08T02:48:16Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > I’ve always loved that she named her pet bird **Onan**. 😃 Until now my favorite funny pet names were from a friend who named one of her cats _Peeves_. (Peeves playmate was Willie, whose full name was Amazing Grace Slick Willie Nelson Mandela.) ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/33 "2010-08-08T04:07:40Z")
> [@](#): > > Her mind lives tidily, apart > From cold and noise and pain, > And bolts the door against her heart, > Out wailing in the rain. > > [http://poetry.poetryx.com/poems/4884/](http://poetry.poetryx.com/poems/4884/) There’s something about that line that almost moves me to tears. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/34 "2010-08-08T19:50:27Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > > [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > > > I’ve always loved that she named her pet bird **Onan**. > > 😃 Until now my favorite funny pet names were from a friend who named one of her cats _Peeves_. (Peeves playmate was Willie, whose full name was Amazing Grace Slick Willie Nelson Mandela.) Peeves? thought I. At Hogwarts, Peeves is the _owner_ of a cat, Mrs. Norris… and then I realized: Ah, so she has pet _Peeves_. ---
**Author:** ![Juntas\_Doorman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@Juntas\_Doorman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juntas_Doorman)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/35 "2010-08-08T20:59:33Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > When her husband died a friend came to console her and asked ‘can I get you anything?’ to which Dorothy responded ‘A new husband’. When the friend said that even for her that was tasteless she replied “OK, how about a ham sandwich?” > > Doesn’t stand on its own but I love it, and the better quotes are taken. This is in Bartlett’s Book Of Anecdotes (revised edition) and credited to Lillian Hellman. The friend was a Mrs Jones, a notorious meddler in other peoples’ business, who had liked Alan Campbell (the dead husband) and only pretended to like Mrs Parker (referred to here as ‘Dottie’). _Mrs Jones said, ‘Dottie, tell me, dear, what can I do for you?’ Dottie said, ‘Get me a new husband.’ There was a silence, but before those who would have laughed could laugh, Mrs Jones said, ‘I think that is the most callous and disgusting remark I ever heard in my life.’ Dottie turned to look at her, sighed, and said gently, ‘So sorry. Then run down to the corner and get me a ham and cheese on rye and tell them to hold the mayo.’_ ---
**Author:** ![Juntas\_Doorman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@Juntas\_Doorman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juntas_Doorman)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/36 "2010-08-08T21:12:10Z")
> [@Wendell\_Wagner](#): > > Hilarity N. Suze, it’s not true that if someone else said it they would want the attribution. It seems that some of the misattributed Parker lines were made up by other people who thought that they could come up with just as clever a line as Parker could. They then attributed the line to Parker because it would make it more likely for other people to quote it. This seems appropriate. It’s from a collection of verse, Sunset Gun (1928). \*Oscar Wilde If, with the literate, I am Impelled to try an epigram, I never seek to take the credit; We all assume that Oscar said it.\* ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2010, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/37 "2010-08-09T07:13:18Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Peeves? thought I. At Hogwarts, Peeves is the _owner_ of a cat, Mrs. Norris… > and then I realized: Ah, so she has pet _Peeves_. Did history record Peeves’ reaction? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2010, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/38 "2010-08-09T07:56:16Z")
> [@LavenderBlue](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > Her mind lives tidily, apart > > From cold and noise and pain, > > And bolts the door against her heart, > > Out wailing in the rain. > > > > [http://poetry.poetryx.com/poems/4884/](http://poetry.poetryx.com/poems/4884/) > > There’s something about that line that almost moves me to tears. As a person for whom most poetry resonates about as strongly as the contents of phone book, I gotta admit that’s pretty touching. I have a friend who bawls like a baby at almost every poem she reads. I think I’ll send it to her. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Emily\_Litella](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emily_litella/32/3370_2.png) [@Emily\_Litella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emily_Litella)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2010, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/39 "2010-08-09T17:42:14Z")
There was the telegram she sent to her friend Mary to congratulate her on her new baby: “Good work Mary, we knew you had it in you.” [only link I could find](http://quotationsbook.com/quote/32066/) ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/40 "2010-08-11T17:22:58Z")
Asked why she hadn’t attended a particular Broadway play, she replied: “I’ve been too fucking busy, and vice versa.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467.md?page=3)