# What's your favorite Dorothy Parker quote? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 7, 2010, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467 "2010-08-07T00:00:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/41 "2010-08-11T18:38:30Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > I’ve always loved that she named her pet bird **Onan**. I must be the only idiot here - I guessing this a pun in refrence to the birds sloppy eating habbits? ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/42 "2010-08-11T18:42:04Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > > [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > > > I’ve always loved that she named her pet bird **Onan**. > > I must be the only idiot here - I guessing this a pun in refrence to the birds sloppy eating habbits? Yeah, actually. Spoiler: Onan, according to the bible, “cast his seed upon the ground”. Masturbation is archaically referred to as “onanism”. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/43 "2010-08-11T18:49:25Z")
> [@jsc1953](#): > > Asked why she hadn’t attended a particular Broadway play, she replied: “I’ve been too fucking busy, and vice versa.” This story is probably not true. It sets Parker up as her own straight person, and that was not her style. When looking for a room, she did state “Nothing fancy. I just need a place where I can lay my hat and a few friends.” When she registered as a single woman in a hotel and then brought a man up to her room (horrors!), the fron desk called her and asked “Do you have a gentlemen in yur room?” Supposedly she replies “I don’t know. I’ll ask him.” ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2010, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/44 "2010-08-12T01:48:56Z")
At a party, she met an American actor who had just finished a season in London and more than once referred to his “shedule”. She said, “If you don’t mind my saying so, I think you’re full of skit.” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2010, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/45 "2010-08-23T16:58:54Z")
Dorothy Parker and Alan Campbell were wed in 1935, divorced in 1947, and re-web in 1950. They invited the same people to the second wedding as the first. At the second reception, a guest remarked to her that “Most of the people in this room haven’t spoken to each other in years.” Dorothy responded “Including the bride and groom.” ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2010, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/46 "2010-08-23T21:53:48Z")
Has anybody seen [Dorothy Parker and the Vicious Circle](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mrs._Parker_and_the_Vicious_Circle) and if so, is it any good? ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/47 "2010-08-24T00:24:15Z")
I saw this quote recently, supposedly by Dorothy Parker. I will often enjoy a martini Two at the very most After three I am under the table After four I am under the host ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/48 "2010-08-24T00:27:06Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > I saw this quote recently, supposedly by Dorothy Parker. > > I will often enjoy a martini > Two at the very most > After three I am under the table > After four I am under the host Perhaps you saw it [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12776051&postcount=16). ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/49 "2010-08-24T00:33:16Z")
> [@descamisado](#): > > > [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > > > I saw this quote recently, supposedly by Dorothy Parker. > > > > I will often enjoy a martini > > Two at the very most > > After three I am under the table > > After four I am under the host > > Perhaps you saw it [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12776051&postcount=16). Oops ---
**Author:** ![Philliam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/philliam/32/3011_2.png) [@Philliam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philliam)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/50 "2010-08-24T00:39:49Z")
> [@jsc1953](#): > > Asked why she hadn’t attended a particular Broadway play, she replied: “I’ve been too fucking busy, and vice versa.” Somehow I thought that was attributed to Tallulah Bankhead? Fits them both, I reckon. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/51 "2010-08-24T02:41:37Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > IThe story of my life is summed up by her poen Résumé: > > Razors pain you; > Rivers are damp; > Acids stain you; > And drugs cause cramp. > Guns aren’t lawful; > Nooses give; > Gas smells awful; > You might as well live. Believe it or not, this has been set to music. My chorus sang it about 14 years ago. There were two other Parker poems as well. > [@Sam\_A.Robrin](#): > > Indian Summer > > In youth, it was a way I had > To do my best to please, > And change, with every passing lad, > To suit his theories. > > But now I know the things I know, > And do the things I do; > And if you do not like me so, > To hell, my love, with you! This was included as well. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/52 "2010-08-24T02:48:43Z")
This one’s legit? I think I read it in one of William Safire’s _Language_ books: Life is naught but a beautiful song A medley of extemporanea Love is a thing that can never go wrong and I’m Marie of Romania …I love it. So sarcastic. So dead on. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/53 "2010-08-24T13:36:59Z")
Yes, that is classic Parker. And so is this: Unfortunate Coincidence By the time you swear you’re his, Shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is Infinite, undying - Lady, make a note of this: One of you is lying. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/54 "2010-08-24T14:00:24Z")
The one I like that’s been attributed to her is that she said, supposedly on her honeymoon, in response to an editor’s query about her work that was due: “Tell him I’ve been too fucking busy. And Vice Versa” I’ve never seen this one attributed, and it has an air of Too Good To Be True about it. Wikiquotes agrees about the lack of provenance: [http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Talk:Dorothy\_Parker](http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Talk:Dorothy_Parker) Incidentally, as I pointed out recently, while it’s true that Parker, in reviewing A.A. Milne’s _The House on Pooh Corner_ wrote “…Tonstant Weader Fwowed Up,” that’s not the entire review – it’s just the last four words of a much longer piece (but they’re the ones that everyone remembers, or quotes because it’s all they’ve heard.) This one, however, I know she certainly wrote – the entire review is in the collection _The Portable Dorothy Parker_. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/55 "2010-08-24T14:05:50Z")
You Might As Well Live, a good bio about Pawrker, agrees that the “fucking busy” quote is probably not true. It more likely would have gone like this: Boss: Why haven’t you finished that article? Newsman: I’ve been too fucking busy. Parker, sitting nearby, in a tiny voice “or vice versa.” Trivia: Parker and second/third husband Alan Campbell had a very Norma Desmond/Joe Gillis type of relationship. The actor who played Joe Gillis during Sunset’s Broadway run was named Alan Campbell. ---
**Author:** ![mnemonides](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3be4f8/32.png) [@mnemonides](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemonides)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2012, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/56 "2012-09-13T01:27:02Z")
According to one biography, at least, this should be attributed to Derek Jarman. > **[Derek Jarman](https://books.google.com/books?id=r-vRft7_ePoC&pg=PA106&lpg=PA106&dq=heterosexuality%2Bisn%27t%2Bnormal,%2Bit%27s%2Bjust%2Bcommon%2Bderek%2Bjarman&source=bl&ots=YCscZKkWO7&sig=txVmPTXvDkx0Os1Oajtx0FuP3Ps&hl=en#v=onepage&q=heterosexuality%20isn't%20normal%2C%20it's%20just%20common%20derek%20jarman&f=false)** ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2012, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/57 "2012-09-13T14:56:39Z")
As I grow older and older, And totter towards the tomb, I find that I care less and less Who goes to bed with whom. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2012, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/58 "2012-09-13T17:51:13Z")
> [@mnemonides](#): > > According to one biography, at least, this should be attributed to Derek Jarman. > > [Derek Jarman: A Biography - Tony Peake - Google Books](http://books.google.com/books?id=r-vRft7_ePoC&pg=PA106&lpg=PA106&dq=heterosexuality+isn't+normal,+it's+just+common+derek+jarman&source=bl&ots=YCscZKkWO7&sig=txVmPTXvDkx0Os1Oajtx0FuP3Ps&hl=en#v=onepage&q=heterosexuality%20isn't%20normal%2C%20it's%20just%20common%20derek%20jarman&f=false) Just so everybody’s on the same wavelength, the “this” being referred to is the quote in the OP: “Heterosexuality is not normal, it’s just common.” If Parker said it, she undoubtedly said it long before Derek Jarman, just from their birth and death dates. But I can’t find any evidence of anybody at all saying it before Jarman’s _At Your Own Risk: a Saint’s Testament_, published posthumously in 1992. (He died in 1986.) So I agree he should get the credit and indiscriminate internet attributors the blame. Good catch. ---
**Author:** ![Docta\_G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Docta\_G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Docta_G)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2012, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/59 "2012-09-13T18:53:40Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > “How do they know?” (on being told that Calvin Coolidge had died) Robert Benchley’s response is just as good: “He has an erection.” ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_A.Robrin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sam_a.robrin/32/14497_2.png) [@Sam\_A.Robrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_A.Robrin)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-favorite-dorothy-parker-quote/549467/60 "2012-09-14T02:45:13Z")
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