I can post this in its entirety since I wrote it. I’ve always wanted to record it but I can’t do a decent Gordon Lightfoot. It’s my best work.
The Ballad of Timothy Treadwell
From “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” by Gordon Lightfoot
The legend lives on from Alaska on down
Of a fellow named Timothy Treadwell.
He gave up his cares to go live with the bears
and to see that the grizzlies were fed well.
With a camera and tent 13 summers were spent
in the wilds of Alaska so empty,
He never knew he was just bones to be chewed
when the brown bears of Katmai got hungry.
Brown bears are the sharks of Katmai National Park
but they really don’t eat many campers.
As carnivores go, they are big but not slow
when they see 'em most hikers will skamper.
But Tim was his own man and figured that “I can
make friends with these bears if I charm 'em.”
But later one fall he got killed after all,
Though he never thought any would harm him.
Tim came every year and remained without fear
and he gave all of the bears a big “Howdy.”
He played grizzly games, and he gave them all names
Like Tabitha, Ollie and Rowdy.
He had not a hunch he could ever be lunch
To a bear he had worshiped so truly
But its manners were sparse and it chewed on his arse
and gnawed on his arm rather rudely.
Tim’s wilderness world would improve with a girl
So he brought up a friend he could cuddle.
She was quite afraid but alas still she stayed
When she should have left on the first shuttle.
So it was her fate to have the world’s worst date
And her boyfriend sure wasn’t a winner.
Instead of a bride with old Tim by her side
She became Bear 141’s dinner.
Most people think that he needed a shrink,
while scratching at their heads in wonder
Tim once stated that “If I end up bear scat
I’ll consider it to be an honor.”
He loved his bears so, and he wanted to go
And be close to his Grizzlies so awesome.
Well he sure got his wish, he became the main dish
At the Teddy Bears’ Picnic that Autumn.
Does any one know where the love of God goes
when a vacation turns really crappy?
The rangers all said what was left of his head
had a visage that didn’t look happy.
He could have broke camp and he could have gone home
But poor Timmy was going to heaven
Regretting the day he did not bring bear spray
Or a spiffy AK47.
With a camera and tent 13 summers were spent
in the wilds of Alaska so empty,
He never knew he was just bones to be chewed
when the brown bears of Katmai got hungry.
The legend lives on from Alaska on down
Of a fellow named Timothy Treadwell.
He gave up his cares to go live with the bears
and to see that the grizzlies were fed well.