# What's your masturbation technique? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 25, 2018, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766 "2018-05-25T01:45:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Major\_Major\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@Major\_Major\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Major_Major_1)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/21 "2018-05-25T03:35:17Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Assuming his likely age, he’s had _plenty_ of time. I’m 30 ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/22 "2018-05-25T03:36:10Z")
Well, now you have went too far. I didn’t need to know that. And please, please tell me you don’t work in fast food, please. ---
**Author:** ![Major\_Major\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@Major\_Major\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Major_Major_1)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/23 "2018-05-25T03:46:22Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Well, now you have went too far. I didn’t need to know that. And please, please tell me you don’t work in fast food, please. No, I’m an Accountant. ---
**Author:** ![Hypnagogic\_Jerk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hypnagogic_jerk/32/4252_2.png) [@Hypnagogic\_Jerk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypnagogic_Jerk)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/24 "2018-05-25T04:12:01Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > I like to post way too much personal information on the internet on a board I just joined. Forcing randos to read about it. So hot! This **is** the message board that featured pan-fried semen, so I don’t think it’s actually possible to post too much information here. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/25 "2018-05-25T04:31:08Z")
Is your middle name also Major? And were you ever an officer in the Army? Say between the rank of captain and colonel? ---
**Author:** ![Major\_Major\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@Major\_Major\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Major_Major_1)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/26 "2018-05-25T04:58:45Z")
> [@Hypnagogic\_Jerk](#): > > This is the message board that featured **pan-fried semen** , so I don’t think it’s actually possible to post too much information here. I’m intrigued ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/27 "2018-05-25T08:34:17Z")
I use sand. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/28 "2018-05-25T08:51:03Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#): > > I just lie back and think of England. > > I’m an American. That’s what makes it hot. You stole my answer. No fair!!! ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/29 "2018-05-25T09:37:52Z")
I’m a petrolsexual. I use Ferrari’s and Lamborghini’s. And a Corvette once, but I much prefer the Italians and their sexy tail lights. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/30 "2018-05-25T09:38:39Z")
> [@Major\_Major](#): > > Is there a better place to post this? Should I put a NWS warning beforehand? National Weather Service? You mean like, “Take shelter, Stormy’s cumming.”? ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/31 "2018-05-25T09:43:30Z")
> [@StarvingButStrong](#): > > Isn’t this witnessing? And if so, doesn’t it belong in Great Debates? Maybe we need a new forum - we could call it **Mass Debates** ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Duality](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.duality/32/4098_2.png) [@Mr.Duality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Duality)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/32 "2018-05-25T11:56:57Z")
None of your business. ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/33 "2018-05-25T12:32:15Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Same as the technique for setting off nuclear weapons. > > I cover my penis with explosive lenses to compress my penis from all directions at the same exact instant. Then, WATCH OUT! > > 😛 Is that really how setting off nuclear weapons works? So I did learn something in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/34 "2018-05-25T12:38:33Z")
> [@Maserschmidt](#): > > Is that really how setting off nuclear weapons works? So I did learn something in this thread. In a nut[del]sack[/del]shell. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/35 "2018-05-25T13:51:48Z")
As long was we’re getting more details, does your foreplay involve Cheetos in any manner? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/36 "2018-05-25T13:53:09Z")
You’re soaking in it. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/37 "2018-05-25T13:58:10Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > As long was we’re getting more details, does your foreplay involve Cheetos in any manner? > [@kayaker](#): > > You’re soaking in it. Soaking in Cheetos? There’s a new Rule 34 one for me. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/38 "2018-05-25T13:58:55Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > You’re soaking in it. You are a very, very bad person and i want you to go sit in that corner and think up some more. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/39 "2018-05-25T14:01:20Z")
Ancient Chinese secret…? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/40 "2018-05-25T14:13:58Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > You are a very, very bad person and i want you to go sit in that corner and think up some more. OK Madge! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766.md?page=3)