# What's your masturbation technique? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 25, 2018, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766 "2018-05-25T01:45:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/41 "2018-05-25T14:22:07Z")
> [@Maserschmidt](#): > > Is that really how setting off nuclear weapons works? So I did learn something in this thread. Yes, specifically, the Nagasaki type weapon. ---
**Author:** ![naita](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naita/32/5862_2.png) [@naita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/naita)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/42 "2018-05-25T14:25:43Z")
> [@Major\_Major](#): > > Is there a better place to post this? Should I put a NWS warning beforehand? I’m used to posting on a different forum where graphic sex details are normal. Graphic sex details are normal here as well, but we prefer you take us out to dinner at least once before asking us to describe our masturbation technique. ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/43 "2018-05-25T14:26:18Z")
_Summa cum laude_. Others do so quietly. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/44 "2018-05-25T14:29:08Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#): > > I just lie back and think of England. > > I’m an American. That’s what makes it hot. I never understood, in the original saying, whether thinking of England was something that was supposed to make the thinker happy or unhappy. ---
**Author:** ![Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/channing_idaho_banks/32/250_2.png) [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Channing_Idaho_Banks)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/45 "2018-05-25T14:32:16Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > I’m a petrolsexual. Hide Fido! ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/46 "2018-05-25T14:33:06Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I never understood, in the original saying, whether thinking of England was something that was supposed to make the thinker happy or unhappy. I understood it as being a patriotic duty. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/47 "2018-05-25T14:36:26Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > You’re soaking in it. > [@running\_coach](#): > > You are a very, very bad person and i want you to go sit in that corner and think up some more. And here’s a bag of Cheetos to take with you! ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/48 "2018-05-25T14:56:46Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > And here’s a bag of Cheetos to take with you! Reminds me of this: A guy goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, youve got to help me. My penis is orange.” Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guys penis isnt orange. Doc tells the guy, “This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a persons life.” Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, “How are things going at work?” The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. Guy responds, “No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, Im getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy.” So the doc figures this isnt the reason. He asks the guy, “Hows your home life?” The guy says, “Well, I got divorced about eight months ago.” The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress. Guy says, “No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch.” So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer. He inquires, “Do you have any hobbies or a social life?” The guy replies, “No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos.” ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/49 "2018-05-25T15:04:07Z")
> [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](#): > > Hide Fido! Wrong poster. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/50 "2018-05-25T15:35:39Z")
> [@Major\_Major](#): > > I’m 30 > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Well, now you have went too far. I didn’t need to know that. And please, please tell me you don’t work in fast food, please. You didn’t need to know he’s 30? ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/51 "2018-05-25T15:44:21Z")
What’s with the uncircumcised people always thinking the circumcised folk need lotion or other type of lubricant? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/52 "2018-05-25T16:20:09Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > You didn’t need to know he’s 30? I didn’t need to know he is masturbating at work. But, I really didn’t need to know any of this thread. I am sorry I read it, at all. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/53 "2018-05-25T16:45:07Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > As long was we’re getting more details, does your foreplay involve Cheetos in any manner? > [@kayaker](#): > > You’re soaking in it. Correction: [He’s soaking in it.](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/824600389626560512/FyfsO9CV.jpg) :eek: ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/54 "2018-05-25T16:45:35Z")
Bob Newhart? ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/55 "2018-05-25T16:46:28Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I didn’t need to know he is masturbating at work. But, I really didn’t need to know any of this thread. I am sorry I read it, at all. I know, I just wanted to make you type 'masturbating at work." ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/56 "2018-05-25T17:50:05Z")
I outsource it to my wife. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/57 "2018-05-25T18:46:02Z")
Thread winner. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/58 "2018-05-25T18:54:09Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Bob Newhart? Played Major Major in the movie based on _Catch-22_. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/59 "2018-05-25T18:54:15Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > I know, I just wanted to make you type 'masturbating at work." Oh thanks, so kind of you to include me. Ain’t this fun?😉 ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/60 "2018-05-25T19:30:24Z")
> [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](#): > > _Summa cum laude_. [Pervert!](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=855278) :mad: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766.md?page=4)