# What's your masturbation technique? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 25, 2018, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766 "2018-05-25T01:45:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/61 "2018-05-25T20:01:41Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > [Pervert!](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=855278) :mad: Did you hear that story recently? Apparently you can’t put cum on a cake. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/62 "2018-05-25T20:36:00Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Did you hear that story recently? Apparently you can’t put cum on a cake. I’m reasonably certain that some people would take that as a challenge, and find it wasn’t much of one. Whichever approach to the pun they took. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/63 "2018-05-25T21:02:32Z")
But to answer the question: I’m circumcised, so I usually just use Major\_Major’s foreskin. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/64 "2018-05-25T21:05:27Z")
_hand wave emoji_ That’s one weird emoji. A friend texted it to me and I told him he shouldn’t use it as it is offensive to people with Parkinson’s. He thought I was serious and told me he’d stop. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/65 "2018-05-25T22:07:26Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > But to answer the question: I’m circumcised, so I usually just use Major\_Major’s foreskin. Thank you for that visual. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/66 "2018-05-25T22:28:44Z")
It’s a shame \*\*Master Wang-Ka \*\*hasn’t posted in a while. If there was ever a thread that needed him, this is it. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/67 "2018-05-25T22:34:58Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Did you hear that story recently? Apparently you can’t put cum on a cake. Stephen Colbert did! ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/68 "2018-05-25T22:58:52Z")
> [@Hypnagogic\_Jerk](#): > > This **is** the message board that featured pan-fried semen, so I don’t think it’s actually possible to post too much information here. Mike Rowe and Dave Barry both have some rather interesting stories to tell about eating sperm, but it was fish sperm. Does that count, and was that the case here too? ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/69 "2018-05-25T23:12:12Z")
No. Someone got really, really bored and pan fried their own semen. Unfortunately, I think the picture link is broken. Does anyone have the thread link [del]handy? On hand? Around?[/del] available? ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/70 "2018-05-25T23:24:45Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > No. Someone got really, really bored and pan fried their own semen. Unfortunately, I think the picture link is broken. Does anyone have the thread link [del]handy? On hand? Around?[/del] available? It uh…comes up if you Google it. Maybe wish I hadn’t. ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2018, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/71 "2018-05-26T01:11:14Z")
> [@Major\_Major](#): > > Somewhere along the line I changed to left hand and I’ve masturbated with my left hand exclusively since then. Not sure why. My guess is because you use a right-handed mouse. ---
**Author:** ![UCBearcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/77aa72/32.png) [@UCBearcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UCBearcats)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2018, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/72 "2018-05-26T04:14:34Z")
I don’t masterbate. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2018, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/73 "2018-05-26T04:42:32Z")
The first rule of masturbation club is you don’t talk about masturbation club. ---
**Author:** ![naita](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naita/32/5862_2.png) [@naita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/naita)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2018, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/74 "2018-05-26T13:16:28Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > No. Someone got really, really bored and pan fried their own semen. Unfortunately, I think the picture link is broken. Does anyone have the thread link [del]handy? On hand? Around?[/del] available? It started with a discussion about the nutritional value of semen though, didn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Heracles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heracles/32/487_2.png) [@Heracles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heracles)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2018, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/75 "2018-05-26T15:24:46Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#): > > I just lie back and think of England. > > I’m an American. That’s what makes it hot. Something about left-hand drive vs right-hand drive ? ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2018, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/76 "2018-05-26T17:03:41Z")
> [@Major\_Major](#): > > Up until maybe the last 3 - 5 years I was a right-hand wanker, my right hand being my dominant hand. > > Somewhere along the line I changed to left hand and I’ve masturbated with my left hand exclusively since then. Not sure why. It just feels better now. Like I broke up with a long term girlfriend and started dating someone else. Could be a consequence of the Internet age. Now you need your dominant hand to work the mouse when viewing porn sites. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2018, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/77 "2018-05-26T17:11:14Z")
I’m not an expert on masturbation, but I hold my own. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Bill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Mr.Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Bill)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2018, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/78 "2018-05-27T00:51:17Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I never understood, in the original saying, whether thinking of England was something that was supposed to make the thinker happy or unhappy. As I understand it, the saying goes back to Victorian England. In that society, women were not supposed to enjoy sex, so on the eve of their weddings, young brides were told by their mothers to “lie back and think of England” while fulfilling their “wifely duties” . It was both a rationale, that sex was intended to bring about babies to provide the next generation of empire builders, and something to do to take the young woman’s mind off that obviously unpleasant activity. ---
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2018, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/79 "2018-05-27T13:59:59Z")
> [@Major\_Major](#): > > Is there a better place to post this? Should I put a NWS warning beforehand? I’m used to posting on a different forum where graphic sex details are normal. This is Mundane Pointless Things I Must Share not Mundane Pointy Things I Must Share :eek: Just kidding, carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2018, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/80 "2018-05-28T00:12:41Z")
> [@notfrommensa](#): > > This is > > Mundane Pointless Things I Must Share > > not > > Mundane Pointy Things I Must Share > > :eek: > > Just kidding, carry on. New forum suggestion: Masturbatory Pointless Stuff I Must Share [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766.md?page=5)