# What's your masturbation technique? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 25, 2018, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766 "2018-05-25T01:45:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2018, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/81 "2018-05-28T02:00:13Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > New forum suggestion: Masturbatory Pointless Stuff I Must Share Yea, you do that and I am suggesting: Mensturally pointless stuff I must post. ---
**Author:** ![mistymage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mistymage/32/459_2.png) [@mistymage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mistymage)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2018, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/82 "2018-05-28T06:14:00Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Yea, you do that and I am suggesting: Mensturally pointless stuff I must post. And, boy, can we women _fill_ that board with sound and fury. War stories, pain/blood/smells, and more info than anyone would ever want to read. Which is why I read/respond at the L-J vaginapagina site. “A place for everything and everything in its place.” (Oh, sorry, thought that was Minstrelsy.) ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2018, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/83 "2018-05-28T06:24:07Z")
Ah yes, war stories. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2018, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/84 "2018-05-28T06:47:47Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Yea, you do that and I am suggesting: Mensturally pointless stuff I must post. > [@mistymage](#): > > And, boy, can we women _fill_ that board with sound and fury. War stories, pain/blood/smells, and more info than anyone would ever want to read. > > Which is why I read/respond at the L-J vaginapagina site. > > “A place for everything and everything in its place.” > > (Oh, sorry, thought that was Minstrelsy.) Well. Sounds like someone’s on the rag. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2018, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/85 "2018-05-28T18:56:10Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > But to answer the question: I’m circumcised, so I usually just use Major\_Major’s foreskin. Really? I use Bob Newhart’s (when he’s in town). ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2018, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/86 "2018-05-28T19:00:56Z")
Not sure why this is so controversial at a place that has extensively covered sexual lives, intimate details of marriages, wiping techniques and other bathroom habits, etc. I guess sex with someone you love is just too much for this place. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2018, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/87 "2018-05-28T19:02:17Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > What’s with the uncircumcised people always thinking the circumcised folk need lotion or other type of lubricant? I don’t know. Same goes with sensitivity and the idea that we were robbed of our ability to feel pleasure. I definitely don’t need any more sensitivity down there. Not trying to go from like 30 seconds to 15. ---
**Author:** ![GuyTanzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/48db29/32.png) [@GuyTanzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuyTanzer)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/88 "2018-05-29T04:13:16Z")
I lie on my back and think of England. ---
**Author:** ![Quint](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/76d3ee/32.png) [@Quint](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quint)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/89 "2018-05-29T06:26:08Z")
I use various techniques. I beat it like it owes me money. I choke it like a chicken. I occasionally engage in hand to gland combat. Sometimes much agoo about nothing. I also spank it like a monkey. Thanks for asking! ---
**Author:** ![naita](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naita/32/5862_2.png) [@naita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/naita)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/90 "2018-05-29T13:33:34Z")
> [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](#): > > Not sure why this is so controversial at a place that has extensively covered sexual lives, intimate details of marriages, wiping techniques and other bathroom habits, etc. I guess sex with someone you love is just too much for this place. It’s being treated with derision because: 1. The OP is a new member. Sure, we might discuss anything over the lunch table, but the new guy has to spend some time participating in _our_ discussions before tossing off his own. 2. It’s a poorly constructed OP. Sure, it’s in MPSIMS, but we expect at least some justification for a question. (Unless it’s something we all are perfectly comfortable sharing publicly, like mother’s maiden name and last four digit of account number.) ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/91 "2018-05-29T15:27:01Z")
> [@GuyTanzer](#): > > I lie on my back and think of England. See post 13. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/92 "2018-05-29T16:55:23Z")
> [@naita](#): > > It’s being treated with derision because: > > 1. The OP is a new member. Sure, we might discuss anything over the lunch table, but the new guy has to spend some time participating in _our_ discussions before tossing off his own. I see what you did there. ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2018, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/93 "2018-05-30T20:36:47Z")
“We are college roommates. No need to be ashamed of masturbation. Feel free to jerk off whether I’m in the room or not. By the way, my name is Rob.” Paraphrased from the Onion but somehow seems appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2018, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/94 "2018-05-30T20:48:39Z")
I lie on my stomach and think of Australia. ---
**Author:** ![Scougs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scougs/32/3158_2.png) [@Scougs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scougs)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2018, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/95 "2018-05-30T20:49:56Z")
Back to masturbating at work, I once had a male friend tell me he had made a point of masturbating at every workplace he’d ever had. This would have been merely an interesting fact, had he not told me from behind the bar where he worked. Where I was drinking at the bar. Quite close to the Gents toilets. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2018, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/96 "2018-05-30T20:50:42Z")
Sideways in China? (I am sorry, I am bad, and my Daddy was a Marine) ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2018, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/97 "2018-06-03T04:36:48Z")
I didn’t see that coming. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2018, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/98 "2018-06-03T07:53:23Z")
I’m highly impressed that no one has yet said they are masturbating like a motherfuck. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2018, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/99 "2018-06-03T23:25:18Z")
However, the female posters are beating around the bush. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2018, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-masturbation-technique/814766/100 "2018-06-04T00:36:27Z")
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