# What's your Melania Trump theory? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 1, 2018, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254 "2018-06-01T13:13:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/21 "2018-06-01T14:55:56Z")
Maybe she has a room down the hall from David Miscavige’s wife. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/22 "2018-06-01T14:59:24Z")
Let’s go BIG. She was kidnapped by renegade Russian oligarchs in order to control trump, in order to control Putin. Despite being the biggest narcissist on the planet, trump actually cares about her. So he pretends that nothing is wrong publicly, while he tasked the CIAs best secret agent to track her down, and to dispatch the kidnappers with extreme prejudice. But, since the CIA’s best agent is black, and gay, and Muslim, he’s conflicted. Against a backdrop of the world most exotic locales, the agent follows the trail, until he finally locates the first lady. When he tests her DNA to confirm he has the real one and not an imposter, he finds that they are actually bother and sister. Together they join forces to bring down the evil President [del]Bloefeld[/del] trump. The world is saved. The end. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/23 "2018-06-01T15:01:00Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > Maybe she has a room down the hall from David Miscavige’s wife. OOOOOOOoooooh! ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/24 "2018-06-01T15:02:47Z")
> [@Bayard](#): > > My WAG is that she went for some kind of kidney procedure (as the WH claimed), but there were serious surgical complications, which can happen to anyone. I’m thinking along the same lines as you but that it may have all started with something as simple as a UTI and then just got out of hand from there. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/25 "2018-06-01T15:37:58Z")
> [@Whiskey\_Dickens](#): > > With a side order of watching too much TV. TV news, perhaps. It’s certainly possible that the truth is exactly as presented by the current White House, and I will be as astounded as anyone else if this is the case. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/26 "2018-06-01T15:41:41Z")
I go by Occam’s Razor for this one: She had kidney problems as stated by the White House. In the same way that if the White House claims that clam soup and beef tenderloin were on the menu at a state dinner, I believe that clam soup and beef tenderloin were on the menu. Not everything needs a conspiracy theory. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/27 "2018-06-01T15:46:48Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > Let’s go BIG. > > She was kidnapped by renegade Russian oligarchs in order to control trump, in order to control Putin. Despite being the biggest narcissist on the planet, trump actually cares about her. So he pretends that nothing is wrong publicly, while he tasked the CIAs best secret agent to track her down, and to dispatch the kidnappers with extreme prejudice. But, since the CIA’s best agent is black, and gay, and Muslim, he’s conflicted. > > Against a backdrop of the world most exotic locales, the agent follows the trail, until he finally locates the first lady. When he tests her DNA to confirm he has the real one and not an imposter, he finds that they are actually bother and sister. > > Together they join forces to bring down the evil President [del]Bloefeld[/del] trump. The world is saved. > > The end. OK, when the movie is made, who plays which role?? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/28 "2018-06-01T15:48:01Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I go by Occam’s Razor for this one: She had kidney problems as stated by the White House. In the same way that if the White House claims that clam soup and beef tenderloin were on the menu at a state dinner, I believe that clam soup and beef tenderloin were on the menu. > > Not everything needs a conspiracy theory. Clam soup? Is that a thing? I always think of clam _chowder_, never clam _soup_.😕 ---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/29 "2018-06-01T15:48:42Z")
Nah. I think it’s much less dramatic. She never wanted this gig. She’s tried. Recently she was mocked for her latest attempt at being FLOTUS with her ill-considered BeBest campaign. Between that and the constant embarrassment of being married to someone who daily says and does everything possible to draw her to financial and personal ruination along with himself, she’s checking out. I can practically hear her: “You do what you want. I’m going back to New York and my normal life for as long as I can, before they drag you down – and us along with you. Fuck you, Donald.” ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/30 "2018-06-01T15:54:20Z")
Ivanka beat the crap out of her, on the grounds that the White House can contain only one feckless cunt. ---
**Author:** ![Tired\_and\_Cranky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@Tired\_and\_Cranky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tired_and_Cranky)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/31 "2018-06-01T16:27:24Z")
I’m getting a kick out of some of these. > [@Velocity](#): > > I go by Occam’s Razor for this one: She had kidney problems as stated by the White House. In the same way that if the White House claims that clam soup and beef tenderloin were on the menu at a state dinner, I believe that clam soup and beef tenderloin were on the menu. > > Not everything needs a conspiracy theory. This is how I feel but I also thought Trump was joking when he stood at a podium and asked Russia to release Hilary’s emails. I might just be too gullible. > [@panache45](#): > > Ivanka beat the crap out of her, on the grounds that the White House can contain only one feckless cunt. I really shouldn’t have laughed at this but I couldn’t help myself. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/32 "2018-06-01T16:43:19Z")
I can’t know if she’s ill or not. I do believe that she never planned on being FLOTUS, and now finds that she has a cheating, imbecile, president husband who just may be in big trouble. I can’t blame her if she just wants to lay low. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/33 "2018-06-01T16:56:28Z")
> [@Aspenglow](#): > > Nah. I think it’s much less dramatic. > > She never wanted this gig. She’s tried. Recently she was mocked for her latest attempt at being FLOTUS with her ill-considered BeBest campaign. Between that and the constant embarrassment of being married to someone who daily says and does everything possible to draw her to financial and personal ruination along with himself, she’s checking out. > > I can practically hear her: “You do what you want. I’m going back to New York and my normal life for as long as I can, before they drag you down – and us along with you. Fuck you, Donald.” Occam’s Razor ---
**Author:** ![Ashtura](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ashtura/32/2963_2.png) [@Ashtura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashtura)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/34 "2018-06-01T16:59:02Z")
They’re installing fake arm that can hold her husband’s hand so she doesn’t have to. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/35 "2018-06-01T17:03:15Z")
> [@Ashtura](#): > > They’re installing fake arm that can hold her husband’s hand so she doesn’t have to. I’m not sure that’s the bionic replacement part at the top of her wish list. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/36 "2018-06-01T17:05:06Z")
> [@Aspenglow](#): > > Nah. I think it’s much less dramatic. > > She never wanted this gig. She’s tried. Recently she was mocked for her latest attempt at being FLOTUS with her ill-considered BeBest campaign. Between that and the constant embarrassment of being married to someone who daily says and does everything possible to draw her to financial and personal ruination along with himself, she’s checking out. > > I can practically hear her: “You do what you want. I’m going back to New York and my normal life for as long as I can, before they drag you down – and us along with you. Fuck you, Donald.” This is pretty close to what I was gonna say. She’s just checked out-- of being First Lady, of being Mrs. Trump, of everything. Doesn’t really matter if she’s in DC or NYC, she’s just hit the “Fuck it” point. Imagine if they get divorced while Don’s still president. I wouldn’t be surprised if he rushed a marriage proposal just so he could hold the most lavish State wedding ever, with an eye on beating Harry’s and Megan’s numbers. “The ratings for my wedding reception were the largest ever, beat Harry/Megan, William/Kate, completely crushed Barack/Michelle. MAGA!” ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/37 "2018-06-01T17:06:04Z")
I’m going for a two-fer - she went in for the procedure, as reported, but while in hospital she got a few nips and tucks, because frankly she’s as big of a shallow narcissist as the Donald. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/38 "2018-06-01T17:31:56Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Not everything needs a conspiracy theory. a) That is what _they_ want you to think. b) Who put you up to posting that? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/39 "2018-06-01T17:46:07Z")
I think it was “Melanie” which broke her. Imagine being his wife for 12 years, you go into surgery, and he writes the wrong name on your get well card. Try it with your wives, gentlemen, and let me know how putting the wrong woman’s name on a card meant for your wife enriches your marriage. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254/40 "2018-06-01T18:06:12Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > I’m going for a two-fer - she went in for the procedure, as reported, but while in hospital\*\* she got a few nips and tucks\*\*, because frankly she’s as big of a shallow narcissist as the Donald. Maybe she finally got her eyes opened. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-melania-trump-theory/815254.md?page=3)