# What's your most unfortunate bowel or bladder malfunction **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 11, 2026, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-most-unfortunate-bowel-or-bladder-malfunction/1030814 "2026-06-11T03:19:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 3\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Thumper668](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thumper668/32/20803_2.png) [@Thumper668](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thumper668)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-most-unfortunate-bowel-or-bladder-malfunction/1030814/41 "2026-06-15T14:08:41Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > I discovered that consuming sesame oil immediately makes my body want to evacuate my bowels. I have the same reaction to whatever they used to use to tenderize meat at Arthur’s steakhouse. The way I discovered this was on a night back in the 90’s when my band was playing our first gig at Maxwell’s in Hoboken. Our guitar player had the idea to have a steak at Arthur’s right before the gig. Arthur’s was at Washington and 3rd. Maxwell’s was at Washington and 11th. It was the longest 8 block walk of my life and by 9th street I didn’t think I’d make it. The bathroom at Maxwell’s wasn’t exactly commodious, and I _destroyed_ it. I proceeded to the stage as if nothing had happened and we began our first set with me praying that the worst of it was over. About 10 minutes in I had to fart, and there was no way I was going to trust it and end up shitting myself on stage in front of 100-150 people. It’s a good thing I play bass because I stood stock still and didn’t move a step for the next 45 minutes. I went back to the bathroom, which no one had cleaned up since round 1 so I hovered. Fortunately, it was just a fart, but when I walked out I went over to the bartender and quietly told him that some degenerate had completely shitted up the stall in the men’s room. ETA: I guess that counts as my second too - but I still think the first one is funnier. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2026, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-most-unfortunate-bowel-or-bladder-malfunction/1030814/42 "2026-06-16T14:28:21Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > 1. if I want to continue to keep my insides from spilling out, walking very slowly might just be an okay option, 2) running would get me there quickly, but that might lead to questions from my beloved; the jostling also might “break the seal,” After my gallbladder was evicted, I came up with the phrase “clench-cheeked run-waddle”. You can’t run because yeah, it will break the seal. But you need to move as fast as possible. I was working at an office at the time, and did the CCRW quite a few times. No disasters, luckily. I was giving another worker a ride, 3 days a week, and I can imagine the eyebrows raised if I went into her cubicle at 11 AM and said “we need to leave. Now”. As a side note: in the past few years, the very rare “shart” has become a chronic issue with diarrhea - of the sort that takes you from “maybe…” to “too late” in literally the time it takes to stand up. I’ve thrown out a lot of underwear. I’m on meds for it and the meds help, a LOT, but still the occasional “breakthrough” happens - a bad day here or there. A couple of years back, I had a bad evening. Not unusual. Then another bad day. OK, normally I don’t have 2 in a row. And ANOTHER bad day… Yes, it took me a FULL WEEK to realize I was actually SICK. “Dumbass” has never been more apropos than when I use it to describe myself that week. Basically when I realized I wasn’t peeing any more, I knew - and took action. Imodium and LOT of fluids and I felt better for 36 hours. Then the Imodium wore off and I headed to the ER. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2026, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-most-unfortunate-bowel-or-bladder-malfunction/1030814/43 "2026-06-16T17:13:59Z")
This didn’t happen to anyone I know personally but I feel compelled to share it. In his book _Planet Funny - How Comedy Took Over Our Culture_, Ken Jennings presents a list of the half dozen “really funny” anecdote-worthy experiences of his lifetime. Number 5 on the list: “Duct tape/pubic hair misunderstanding” That’s all he says about it. If this post doesn’t really qualify for the thread, don’t read it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-most-unfortunate-bowel-or-bladder-malfunction/1030814.md?page=2)