# What's your "never going to win" argument with your SO? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 9, 2013, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813 "2013-10-09T20:57:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/41 "2013-10-10T15:48:16Z")
> [@prettydorky](#): > > That people actually _use_ their comforters. He is insistent that you don’t use your comforter, basically that it’s for decoration. I’ll suggest that there’s maybe a difference between fine un-washable duvets and a 50 dollar (if that) Target find. He will sort of smirkily indulge me spreading it out over us, but by the time I wake up, we’re shivering under just a top sheet and the comforter is kicked back into its regular home (wadded up next to the bed). We do the German thing and have separate covers. See, I grew up in Germanic style, in the bedroom at night the window gets cracked for fresh air. Only times we slept in the winter with the window shut was if it was snowing hard enough to blow into the bedroom. mrAru is from Fresno CA, a high desert area and he is sort of like a lizard, he is happiest if it is about 90 all the time [or hotter :eek:] while I am comfortable at 60-65 wearing a tshirt and shorts. [Well, unfortunately I have been doing the hot flash thing and the cold flash thing so I swing between roasting my ass off and sweating, and 5 minutes later wraping up in a heavy comforter trying to keep warm. Baffles my doctor too, so I just endure it. I figure it is an endocrine issue.] Our issue - he chews ice. I have fillings and the idea of chewing ice makes my mouth hurt, let alone actually chewing ice and really getting the pain. No matter what, he will chew ice so I forbid him to have drinks with ice in them in the car or when we are sitting together. he can drink nice safe hot coffee. But hey, he spent 20 years in the navy where I think they [bunker](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuel_oil#Bunker_fuel) with coffee =) He would probably complain about my refrigerating the bedroom winter or summer 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/42 "2013-10-10T17:08:43Z")
If I am taking a vacation day off of work, that is not an opportunity for you to hand me a “honeydew” list as long as my arm. I took the day off because I have stuff _ **I** _ want to do! My wife and I also do the “comforter” thing, sort of. She gets hot when she sleeps and likes it to be nice and cold in the bedroom, so she will crack the window open and have the ceiling fan going. And then I wake up because I’m freezing and I have to go rummaging around for blankets. What drives me crazy about this the most is that she wears flannel pajamas to bed. Hey, you know what, if you’re hot, maybe try wearing something to bed that isn’t going to make you sweat. But that’s another argument I’m not going to win. > [@panache45](#): > > Have you seen the “Baggage” episode of _Everybody Loves Raymond_ ? You’ll definitely relate to it. [Here’s a clip.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oyKzTMv1BI) “Don’t let a suitcase full of stinky cheese become your giant fork and spoon.” I love that episode. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![NVME702-redux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a183cd/32.png) [@NVME702-redux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NVME702-redux)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/43 "2013-10-10T17:16:34Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > I took it to mean her husband was open-minded about the binding nature of sexual exclusivity in marriage. You know, willing to explore alternative theories. YES! A casual “go ahead and sleep around with other men, I quite fancy that” and my heart was broken… ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/44 "2013-10-10T17:17:37Z")
OTOH, there’s the story of the old man complaining about his wife and telling his friends he’s going to file for divorce. One by one, they praise his wife’s qualities and try to convince him he’s crazy to think about divorcing her. The man takes off his loafer and says, “Here. Tell me where this shoe pinches my foot.” ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/45 "2013-10-10T17:24:26Z")
How to hang the toilet paper roll. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/46 "2013-10-10T17:27:11Z")
> [@Tethered\_Kite](#): > > How to hang the toilet paper roll. As long as it is consistent, I don’t care. I’m a from-the-top type but there’s nothing wrong with from-the-bottom… as long as it isn’t random and you don’t have to play spin-the-spool every time you want a few feet for something. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/47 "2013-10-10T17:31:19Z")
Veal. The first “nice” meal I made for her was osso bucco. She loved it, right up to the part where she found out it was veal, something she had gone 20 or so years without eating (I didn’t know). We discussed things rationally. She drinks milk, the excess male calves borne to keep the cow lactating need dealt with, etc. Eventually I found a source for “humane raised veal” that cost way more than regular veal. She is still uncomfortable with the concept of eating veal (though she loves the taste). ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/48 "2013-10-10T17:53:00Z")
There’s too many too list but alot revolve around being in the car. She’s a terrible navigator and, when I get off-course, will nag that I don’t know where I’m going, which is true because she has the the address, directions, map, GPS, etc… in her purse. Then she’ll blame me for not paying attention to where I’m going … except I don’t know where I’m going because the address, directions, map, GPS, etc… is back in her purse again. Then there’s the battle for the volume of the radio, thank god for steering wheel controls! And then the hot and cold flashes of the climate control. And my pet peeve… reading the newspaper out loud to me… every article! Which then leads us back to the stereo volume dispute! ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/49 "2013-10-10T17:54:12Z")
> [@Sudden\_Kestrel](#): > > That he doesn’t need to spend all of his time off working on something. This guy never takes a vacation, never lies around in a hammock with a beer, never goes on a trip unless we go together. If he gets time off work, he spends it doing work-type things at home, like building sheds or fixing the lawnmower or rearranging his gigantic collection of tools into a new but equally meticulous configuration. You might be surprised to find out that he actually likes doing those things. I would consider those kinds of home improvement type things almost a kind of hobby. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/50 "2013-10-10T18:04:09Z")
We don’t argue much any more. We’ve already had most of the arguments we could ever had, so we don’t need to talk about those things. For example, we do not discuss politics. Ever. I already know where he stands and vice versa. The chance that anyone’s position will be changed by further discussion is somewhere between slim and none (and Slim just left town). ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/51 "2013-10-10T18:09:52Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > \ > The real argument I am NEVER going to win is similar to **Mangeout’s** only I would argue mine is worse. He doesn’t narrate every movie to me - he expects me to do it. What I mean is, if I’m watching a show or a movie he doesn’t like, he’ll wander through every now and then. > > “Who’s that?” > “Why is she mad?” > “Is that her son?” > “Are they sleeping together?” > > I’ve snapped at him so many times. I’ve tried everything. I try to pre-empt all of his questions when he comes out. “That’s Daniel Grayson, the son of the Graysons. He’s the one Emily’s sleeping with.” And two seconds later, “Who’s that?” :smack: > I’ve tried pausing the movie. But if I get too irritated he gets mad. I understand he doesn’t really care about the shows, but then why harass me with questions? I want him to watch my shows, he’s always welcome, BUT HE TALKS OVER THE DIALOGUE. I swear one of these days it will be Justifiable Homicide and I will get to watch my movies in peace and quiet. \ My husband has an incredible talent for coming home just as I’m watching the last five or ten minutes of something - I don’t mean to be rude, and I am happy to see him, but could the discussions of everything wait for five minutes until this movie is finished? And making fun of what I’m watching is not cool. :mad: > [@MostlyUseless](#): > > My SO (she) has her way of doing things. Over 25 years, she had found a way to not have to dismiss my way as inferior if the results are the same with ONE exception. Stamps must be placed correctly at the top right corner of an envelope; it may not be rotated, upside down or anything else. > > I thought she was kidding. No, this really, really, really infuriates her. > > Me…meh. Are you some kind of monster, putting stamps on envelopes upside down? > [@Anaamika](#): > > I hope you don’t wear a tiny little bikini like these girls did. 🙂 I kind of hope he does. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Flyer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/flyer/32/7298_2.png) [@Flyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flyer)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/52 "2013-10-10T18:10:21Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Because it would take me long enough to make paying my guy $135 worth while. My time, the knowledge that he is doing it correctly and the lack of aggravation is well worth the money. You must never follow the news. Each and every year about tax time, there’s a story about how some newspaper or tv station gives the same set of facts to somewhere between 15 and 40 professional tax preparers, and generally only 2 or 3 of them get the right tax figure. Your confidence has roughly a 90% chance of being misplaced. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/53 "2013-10-10T18:19:39Z")
> [@Sparky812](#): > > She’s a terrible navigator and, when I get off-course, will nag that I don’t know where I’m going, which is true because she has the the address, directions, map, GPS, etc… in her purse. > Then she’ll blame me for not paying attention to where I’m going … except I don’t know where I’m going because the address, directions, map, GPS, etc… is back in her purse again. I don’t think that my wife is a terrible navigator, but this is one of our issues. In her defense, **I am** a terrible navigator. I could get lost in my own neighborhood. My wife isn’t necessarily a terrible navigator, but she has a low tolerance for just how bad I am at directions and trying to get to places. Things will start off fine and then go to hell when I start getting confused and lost. Luckily she will still know where we are, but she will get frustrated, erroneously believing that I know which way to go and say something to the effect of ‘you know which way to go’…So when I take the wrong off ramp… Seriously, I am terrible at directions. When I watched Band of Brothers I felt **empathy** for Herbert Sobel. I truly believe that if I were a general in WWII I would have somehow invaded Bolivia under the mistaken impression that I was trying to liberate France… To go about this from the reverse angle, one thing that I do that my wife knows she cannot change, is over qualifying stuff. She knows that I know what she means, yet I over qualify my answer for some bizarre reason. This has sprung up at work. My boss would ask me if I was sure of the numbers on my spreadsheet. I can’t quite recall what I said in response, but it was something to the effect of ‘I’m pretty sure’. She wanted me to say that I was ‘sure’ or ‘confident’ or something to indicate that I was reasonably sure that what I was giving her was correct. I **knew** this. She **knew** this, yet **I could not for the life of me** say this. Instead I hedge for some reason because I was not 100% sure. So one time I bring her the spreadsheet and she asks if I’m sure about the numbers. I waffle or whatever and she takes a look at the spreadsheet and repeats ‘are your sure’? This pings my radar as weird and I take the printed out spreadsheet back from her and recheck all of my numbers. I take it back to her and almost the same thing ensues. Needless to say I know this is an irritating feature of my personality, but I cannot seem to help it. My wife, bless her, has accepted this - but she still tries to battle it occasionally. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/54 "2013-10-10T18:21:29Z")
> [@Flyer](#): > > You must never follow the news. Each and every year about tax time, there’s a story about how some newspaper or tv station gives the same set of facts to somewhere between 15 and 40 professional tax preparers, and generally only 2 or 3 of them get the right tax figure. > > Your confidence has roughly a 90% chance of being misplaced. I got my taxes done professionally because I didn’t want to deal with the headache involved in figuring out the taxes for day trading. A month later I saw my tax lady working as a cashier at Walmart. That’s not to say that she wasn’t a good tax lady - she did my taxes just fine - but it was still a bit…jarring… ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/55 "2013-10-10T21:56:12Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Veal. > Eventually I found a source for “humane raised veal” that cost way more than regular veal. She is still uncomfortable with the concept of eating veal (though she loves the taste). I can be there for dinner this weekend - I love veal … bambi, thumper, chicken little … ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2013, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/56 "2013-10-11T16:58:58Z")
That colds are caused by viruses, not changes in temperature. I understand that he gets a cold seasonally (that is, pretty much every spring and fall). These are not caused by a change in pressure or temperature, but rather, probably by some allergen - he should get that checked out and stop insisting that he gets a cold every time the weather changes. No, you do not. You do not get a cold because the weather changes. Period. He might slowly be coming around on this. Slowly. However, I’ll admit that I’m a bit mystified as to why, if it is allergies, his cold only lasts a week, week and a half or so. Is this possible? ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2013, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/57 "2013-10-11T17:01:50Z")
The argument that I will never win is about childrearing. My husband is getting much, much better, but the expectations he has had of our children in the past have been completely out of whack. He was convinced our son had a disability when he wasn’t reading by age 3. No amount of research would sway him. Finally I had to drag him into the pediatrician to have my position reiterated and took him to preschool to observe the other kids before he’d finally believe me that he was doing just fine. The thing is, with things he feels very passionately about, he argues with rhetorical, general questions: “Well, don’t I deserve to have expectations?” “Don’t you want our son to excel?” “I want so much for our children. Should I give up my hopes for them?” Ugh. Questions like those are such a quagmire and so damn dramatic. I’ve learned that it’s smarter to sit down with him, give him the data and let him come to his own conclusions while trying to make sure he and the kids don’t get into a situations where this might come up. It’s ridiculous. I actually LOVE that he expects so much. He wouldn’t if he didn’t think our kids could delivery. But it’s too much pressure on them at their age, which is something he has trouble understanding. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2013, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/58 "2013-10-11T17:37:13Z")
> [@Richard\_Parker](#): > > That we might someday need that box full of papers from college. This. Plus boxes of notes from high school. Plus every single Christmas and Birthday card she’s ever received. Plus boxes and boxes of various papers. This is how junk mail is handled in our house: 1. put on dining room table 2. move to chair (because something good might be in there) 3. move to piano bench 4. move back to dining room table (to look at later) 5. - 1. Repeat steps 1-4 6. Put in box and stick in garage. ETA: We are currently storing boxes of credit card sales pitches in our garage, while the car sits in the driveway in the rain. And after years and years, I know there is NOTHING I can do about this. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2013, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/59 "2013-10-11T18:51:01Z")
My dear one has a unique skill, a superpower really - every statement made to me or question posed to me contains a correction directed at me, as if the statement or question were framed by a silent {you are wrong}. I really wish I could provide a meaningful example, but the surgical skill that is used is so subtle that I am constantly off (and on) guard and am not in state to record the precise wording and phrasing in the moment. It is really quite impressive. However, by far the most button-pushing argument-inducing scenario is when there is a subject (anything) that I have decades of experience with, or deep learning in, or a natural affinity for and she has frankly no personal experience or knowledge of. This lack of personal experience or knowledge does not prevent her from publicly and vocally contradicting me and pointing out where I am mistaken, and that whatever I am saying on the subject is not worthy. I just can’t let these slide - so, argument it is! Really dear? So, you have never seen that movie that I wrote a paper on, or been to that place where I used to live, but I am incorrect in what I said about it? Huh, well, how about that! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2013, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813/60 "2013-10-11T19:16:55Z")
That’s, uh, pretty sad, **Icarus**. I don’t think I’d like being in a marriage like that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-never-going-to-win-argument-with-your-so/670813.md?page=4)