# What's your number? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 6, 2003, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-number/147024 "2003-01-06T21:38:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![jeevmon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@jeevmon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jeevmon)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2003, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-number/147024/1 "2003-01-06T21:38:18Z")
This thread is inspired by **jazzmine** : > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jazzmine \* > \*\*Not all women want to be…fucked…on the first date. \*\* So, the questions for pointless polling are: 1. Men and women, what is your average or typical number of dates before the sex happens? (Under the Clintonian definition or otherwise, though if you have a differential standard for Clintonian vs. non-Clintonian, please elaborate.) 2. This one is more for the women - do you have a rule about the first date? (And have you ever broken it since adopting it?) (Yeah, guys could have rules too, though I am a guy and I know guys and really don’t think that many of them have a rule.) 3. This one is more for the guys - when do you generally expect it to happen? Note - this poll is not intended to suggest or imply that sexual relations are a mandatory or expected part of dating, or that there is a “right” number of dates to wait before sex, or that there is anything wrong with waiting until a person of divinity or judicial authority certifies that your relationship is one that cannot be broken without divine/ legal consequences. (Translation aid - Clintonian means that sex = the act which actually leads to the possibility of pregnancy, as contrasted with other forms of sexual relations) So, I’ll start: 1. I think in a mathematical sense, my average is probably around 5 under the Clintonian definition, 3 under the non-Clintonian definition, based on an admittedly limited sample with substantial variance. (including one where it happened in a Clintonian sense before the technical first date.) 2. I’m a guy. So, no real rule. 3. Well, I generally look for at least a kiss by the third date, if not sooner. If lips haven’t locked by then, I’m going to assume that it’s not in the cards. Of course, since I’m now happily with **jeevgurl** , rules don’t really matter. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2003, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-number/147024/2 "2003-01-06T21:46:52Z")
I’m perfecting a technique where we have sex before we even make eye contact across the floor. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2003, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-number/147024/3 "2003-01-06T22:07:09Z")
1. I think my average has been about 2. 2. The ladies seemed to have a rule that they wouldn’t date me until they were pretty sure it was gonna happen, and the date was just a formality (at one, we were planning on dinner & a movie and didn’t make it to the movie…). 3. I have never expected it to happen that quickly. I was _prepared_, mind you, but I didn’t _expect_ it. God, I miss the 80’s sometimes… ---
**Author:** ![Jonno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f19dbf/32.png) [@Jonno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonno)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2003, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-number/147024/4 "2003-01-06T23:11:51Z")
1. Overall average 1.5 dates. 2. Who needs to have a date? I’m with **World Eater** on this one. I think it would be kind of cool to be able to have the sex before any type of contact whatsoever. 3. Never expect anything. Be interested, but not pushy. Most women will put out pretty quickly. Those that don’t, keep 'em. ---
**Author:** ![XJETGIRLX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9fc29f/32.png) [@XJETGIRLX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XJETGIRLX)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2003, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-number/147024/5 "2003-01-06T23:44:04Z")
:eek: I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have to worry about dating anymore! Damn, hubby has always teased me about how quickly we jumped in the sack, and we’d only been dating for a couple weeks (saw each other almost every day). I’d never keep up with you guys! Sheesh! :😊: ---
**Author:** ![Maxxxie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@Maxxxie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maxxxie)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2003, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-number/147024/6 "2003-01-07T01:41:57Z")
Oh no, I realise this’ll make me seem like I’m a tart… but if I’m hot for a girl and she’s hot for me, chances are we’ll wind up in bed on the first date… at least that’s what’s happened in the past. But in the interests of not seeming like I’m a tart, I’ve made a decision this year not to jump into bed with anyone until we’ve had at least three dates… possibly more. Yes, kissing is cool… so’s some groping… but no shagging until I’m sure she’s worth the effort. RE: expectations… yeesh! I’ve learnt not to have any. If a girl is interested, she can tell me so, otherwise I assume she’s not. If by the third date, we haven’t progressed to hand-holding or kissing or SOMETHING, I expect it won’t ever happen. On the other hand, if things have progressed… I let it take its course. More than a couple months of handholding and I’ll give up LOL Max 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2003, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-number/147024/7 "2003-01-07T20:28:01Z")
Date? * * * Somebodys gotta go back and get a shitload of dimes! ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2003, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-number/147024/8 "2003-01-07T22:01:08Z")
1. My experience has been all over the map, from “almost immediately” (only once) to “not until we knew each other for almost two years.” (For that one, even his roommate thought we’d already been having sex for months. We hadn’t.) So any average would be pretty meaningless. 2. I don’t believe in rules, except to keep your expectations about the post-sex future of the relationship realistic, use protection (preferably at least 2 forms), and don’t have sex with anyone you’re not totally at ease with. 3. N/A, obviously. But I’d hate to think I’d ever dated a guy with an, ummm, hard and fast rule on that subject.