# What's your profession's light bulb joke? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 10, 2019, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825 "2019-07-10T09:47:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Neverending\_Elbow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e274bd/32.png) [@Neverending\_Elbow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neverending_Elbow)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/1 "2019-07-10T09:47:13Z")
There are as many different light bulb jokes as there are light bulb types\*, and we’ve all heard some, a few way too often. But I’m interested in hearing the l.b. jokes for your job, and also whether you think anyone from outside your field would laugh at them (fine, there are some that no one would laugh at, but would an outsider see where the humour is supposed to come from). I’ll start. - How many translators does it take to change a light bulb? - Depends on the context. - No data available to support this statement. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/2 "2019-07-10T09:53:20Z")
How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None - that’s a hardware problem. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/3 "2019-07-10T13:34:59Z")
Q: How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two – one to change the bulb and one to check it was done within budget I’m really an accountant course developer. I don’t know of any light bulb jokes that apply to my profession, so I’ll make one up. Q: How many accounting course developers does it take to change a light bulb? A: One, but they have to replace the entire electrical system first. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/4 "2019-07-10T13:39:15Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? > > None - that’s a hardware problem. How many hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None - we’ll add that to the release notes as a known issue. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/5 "2019-07-10T13:41:51Z")
How many contractors does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s not in the Statement of Work. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/6 "2019-07-10T14:07:39Z")
I was a musician, so this comes close: How many choreographers does it take to change a light bulb? …5…6…7…8. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/7 "2019-07-10T14:11:36Z")
Probably not only applicable to photographers, but the version I heard: How many photographers does it take to change a light bulb? One hundred. One to change it and ninety-nine to say how they could do it better. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/8 "2019-07-10T14:13:01Z")
How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? Get the intern to do it. I just made that up. It would probably apply to other professions also. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/9 "2019-07-10T14:18:50Z")
How many FileMaker developers does it take to change a light bulb? Well if the previous developer had been on the ball, the light bulb circuit would have been written in such a way that it would change the bulb itself if it failed to light, would box up the old one and move it to the trash table, send an email to supplies if the supply of bulbs was below a critical level, and hey have you considered a structural redesign that would incorporate skylights for free natural lighting? I could have a proposal and estimate for you by Tuesday… ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/10 "2019-07-10T14:20:23Z")
I haven’t heard one for lawyers, but I was a server for 10 years, and the answer to that is “that’s not my fucking sidework!” ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/11 "2019-07-10T14:22:02Z")
How many copyeditors does it take to change a light bulb? The previous question was about servers. Is that a deliberate change? ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/12 "2019-07-10T14:23:42Z")
How many statisticians does it take to change a light bulb? With what degree of certainty do you need to know? ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/13 "2019-07-10T14:26:59Z")
Q: How many Telemarkers does it take to change a light bulb? A: 10. 1 to change the light bulb and 9 to say “Nice turns!” Q: How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb? A: 27 Q: 27? A: Union rules. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/14 "2019-07-10T14:36:03Z")
we had our own internal list of them at a past job, poking fun at the home office overseas who was very, um, challenging to work with. stuff like: Q: How many (people) does it take to change a light bulb? A: Can’t the customer work in the dark? Please negotiate. Q: How many (people) does it take to change a light bulb? A: (_no response_) Q: How many (people) does it take to change a light bulb? A: Depends- is the light bulb for Honda? ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/15 "2019-07-10T14:40:50Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Q: How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb? > A: 27 > Q: 27? > A: Union rules. Teamsters don’t change light bulbs; stagehands do. Q: How many union stagehands does it take to change a light bulb? A: ##; you got a problem with that? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/16 "2019-07-10T14:42:49Z")
Not my profession, but… How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but the light bulb has to want to change. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/17 "2019-07-10T14:44:40Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > How many contractors does it take to change a light bulb? > > None, it’s not in the Statement of Work. How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb? As many as we can get away with billing for. ---
**Author:** ![Folly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folly/32/3219_2.png) [@Folly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folly)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/18 "2019-07-10T14:48:35Z")
How many patent attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? Woah, woah…have you performed a freedom to operate analysis first? ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/19 "2019-07-10T15:05:37Z")
Here’s a whole [list](http://www.topedge.com/home/people/gaman/jokes/b15.htm) for computer stuff. My fave: Q: How many software developers does it take to change a light bulb? A: The light bulb works fine on the system in my office… ---
**Author:** ![ZonexandScout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zonexandscout/32/544_2.png) [@ZonexandScout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZonexandScout)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/20 "2019-07-10T15:24:12Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb? > > As many as we can get away with billing for. I’m a consultant, soooo… A. It would be cheaper for you if we do it by teleconference. A. Is it within a 20-mile radius of our office? Minimum travel time is 3 hours. A. That will require a Senior Consultant. A. Minimum invoice for work is $500. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825.md?page=2)