# What's your profession's light bulb joke? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 10, 2019, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825 "2019-07-10T09:47:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/41 "2019-07-10T21:04:46Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > [Don and Mike on 106.7 in DC in case anyone knows them]) As an aside - that station is now an all sports format. D&M went their separate ways in 2008. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/42 "2019-07-10T21:16:05Z")
How many librarians does it take to change a light bulb? Public expectation answer: Shhhh. Recent library school graduate’s answer: I’m going to need to look that up for you. Experienced cataloger’s answer: 621.326 ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/43 "2019-07-10T22:14:23Z")
How many fruit flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. How many Nazis does it take to change a light bulb? Three, one to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/44 "2019-07-10T22:25:27Z")
How many Unitarians does it take to change a lightbulb? Today we will be examinining many different lightbulb traditions. Both florescent and incandescent are perfectly acceptable and should be taken a valid expressions of wattage…However you choose to show your light… ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/45 "2019-07-10T22:42:22Z")
How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb? Change? _Change_? My grandmother _endowed_ that light bulb! (I do not work in an Episcopal church but I do attend one.) **ThisSpaceforRent** , I heard almost the same joke about the Episcopal diocese of Chicago: How many straight priests in this diocese does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Oh, he can do it on his own. ---
**Author:** ![OldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3bc359/32.png) [@OldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldGuy)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2019, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/46 "2019-07-10T22:55:33Z")
When I was at my new job for about a month, the light bulb in a cheap plastic fixture went out. This is the type of fixture where you rotate the whole thing and it lifts out. It was mounted on the wall just inside my office door a bit over my head, but easily reachable. I asked if there were light bulbs in the supply closet, and was told the secretary would contact physical plant. About a week later I came in and saw the plastic fixture lying on a chair and thought, good, they’ve changed the light bulb and forgot to put the fixture back. I tried the switch – no light. I told the secretary something must be wrong with the fixture. She said no physical plant would be back. Three days later I came in and the light WORKED. The fixture was still on the chair. I let it lie there for another week not wanting to interfere with some union situation, but eventually after about another week put it back myself – the work of about five seconds. This was 20 years ago. I expect the grievance is still working its way through channels. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2019, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/47 "2019-07-11T00:11:56Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > As an aside - that station is now an all sports format. D&M went their separate ways in 2008. I know ☹ Hated to see them go. 106.7 used to be awesome - Don and Mike, Opie and Anthony, Howard Stern. Now just crappy sports. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2019, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/48 "2019-07-11T01:37:16Z")
Q: How many \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ alums does it take to change a light bulb? A: 10, one to change the bulb and 9 to say how much better the old one was. ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2019, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/49 "2019-07-11T01:48:00Z")
> [@Snowboarder Bo](#): > > Teamsters don’t change light bulbs; stagehands do. > > Q: How many union stagehands does it take to change a light bulb? > A: ##; you got a problem with that? Every union house I’ve been at: Are you a \ electrician? Don’t touch that! -and- It’s a _LAMP!_ Info security: I’m sorry, but light is a security violation. If you need an exception to policy, your manager will need to open a work order in Remedy to schedule a consultation with their line of business representative and Illumination Management. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2019, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/50 "2019-07-11T02:47:05Z")
How many public relations counselors to change a light bulb? Six. An account executive for the client to tell to change the light bulb An account supervisor to approve the A.E’s light bulb changing goals, strategy, tactics, implementation plan, and budget A senior partner to meet with the client and reassure them that changing light bulbs is the agency’s highest priority and top talent is taking care of it under the watchful eye of the senior partner An assistant account executive, whom the account executive orders to change the light bulb An account manager, who takes care of all the paperwork and files involved in the light bulb changing project, pesters the account supervisor to sign off on anything, and forward everything to accounting And an intern, who the assistant account executive convinces that getting out the ladder, climbing the ladder and actually changing the light bulb will look great on her resumes as, “Directly managed and was responsible for the successful implementation of (client’s) light bulb changing project, which finished on time and on budget.” Optional: the agency’s own in-house marketing executive, who will write a news release announcing the agency has been assigned the light bulb project. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2019, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/51 "2019-07-11T04:23:05Z")
How many Freudian psychoanalysts? Two. One to change the bulb, and one to hold the penis_father_LADDER. ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2019, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/52 "2019-07-11T09:13:42Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? > > None - that’s a hardware problem. > [@Telemark](#): > > How many hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? > > None - we’ll add that to the release notes as a known issue. Or: None, we’ll fix it in software. (this one should be told right after the software one above.) > [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > How many fruit flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Two. How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb. Don’t be silly. Californians screw in hot tubs. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2019, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/53 "2019-07-11T13:16:20Z")
One thing to note: with today’s Bluetooth/Wifi connected IoT bulbs some people might need help (like their sister’s 15 year old kid) changing a bulb. As things get more complicated one can imagine a day when 20-somethings don’t “get” the implied premise of the joke: changing a light bulb was viewed as a trivial task. ---
**Author:** ![Shmendrik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Shmendrik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shmendrik)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2019, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/54 "2019-07-11T14:32:16Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > How many Nazis does it take to change a light bulb? > > Three, one to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder. I don’t get it. Are Nazis stereotypically supposed to do things in stupid or unnecessarily complicated ways? ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2019, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/55 "2019-07-11T17:38:56Z")
I thought of this one today after spending half an hour on hold with the Help Desk just to get my network account unlocked. How many customer service reps does it take to screw in a light bulb? Unfortunately we are experiencing a high volume of light bulb outages. There are 43 light bulbs ahead of you. Expected wait time is 74 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2019, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/56 "2019-07-11T17:53:17Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > How many customer service reps does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Unfortunately we are experiencing a high volume of light bulb outages. There are 43 light bulbs ahead of you. Expected wait time is 74 minutes. You need to insert “Your lightbulb is important to us” in there somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2019, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/57 "2019-07-11T17:59:45Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > How many fruit flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Two. I always heard that one (and tell it) with midgets instead of fruit flies. I always love the moment or two of incomprehensibility on someone’s face before it clicks. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2019, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/58 "2019-07-11T18:00:45Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > I thought of this one today after spending half an hour on hold with the Help Desk just to get my network account unlocked. > > How many customer service reps does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Unfortunately we are experiencing a high volume of light bulb outages. There are 43 light bulbs ahead of you. Expected wait time is 74 minutes. > [@dtilque](#): > > You need to insert “Your lightbulb is important to us” in there somewhere. Props to both of you! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2019, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/59 "2019-07-11T18:10:14Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > I thought of this one today after spending half an hour on hold with the Help Desk just to get my network account unlocked. > > How many customer service reps does it take to screw in a light bulb? > > Unfortunately we are experiencing a high volume of light bulb outages. There are 43 light bulbs ahead of you. Expected wait time is 74 minutes. > [@dtilque](#): > > You need to insert “Your lightbulb is important to us” in there somewhere. > [@RTFirefly](#): > > Props to both of you! 🙂 “While you’re on hold for 74 minutes, please enjoy the four-minute loop of music (18+ times!) that we have lifted from a 1978 porn movie.” ---
**Author:** ![That\_Don\_Guy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/that_don_guy/32/538_2.png) [@That\_Don\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/That_Don_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2019, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825/60 "2019-07-11T19:42:26Z")
> [@dtilque](#): > > How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb. “That _is_ an LED bulb, right?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-professions-light-bulb-joke/836825.md?page=4)