# What's your silly food fantasy?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [June 22, 2016, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044 "2016-06-22T13:43:49Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/1 "2016-06-22T13:43:49Z")
By which I mean what completely crazy food stunt would you pull just to get a laugh, if you had the time and resources to pull it off.
Mine is to take an ostrich egg, hardboil it, and show up at a picnic with one big honkin’ devilled egg.
Unfortunately, there’s nowhere around here to buy an ostrich egg and in any case I’d be afraid that by the time the yolk was cooked the white would have the consistency of a baseball.
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### Author:  [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/2 "2016-06-22T13:58:42Z")
Not such a fantasy, but a friend of mine made her brother a birthday cake. Except it was meat loaf, with mashed potatoes for icing. She also made a second, real cake.
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### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/3 "2016-06-22T14:17:26Z")
A few times I’ve set up a drinking prank with an empty vodka bottle by filling it with water and putting it among other liquor bottles.
Start a conversation about how much liquor people can drink in one swallow. Eventually claim that you can drink down a fifth. When someone doubts your claim, look through the bottles, pick up the vodka and open it. Drink it down. At around the 1/3rd point people begin to freak out.
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### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/4 "2016-06-22T14:28:54Z")
Having a bowl of fruit big enough that I could run barefoot in it. Full of berries. I could lay on the strawberries and eat a raspberry bigger than my head.
What? You asked.
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### Author:  [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/5 "2016-06-22T15:06:38Z")
**Anaamika,** please tell me you’d first wear the giant raspberry as a hat as you’re squishing your way around the bowl. 😃
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### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/6 "2016-06-22T15:18:15Z")
> [@Azeotrope](#):
>
> **Anaamika,** please tell me you’d first wear the giant raspberry as a hat as you’re squishing your way around the bowl. 😃
FUCK YES! I never thought of that, I’ll be adding that to my fantasy now.
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### Author:  [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/7 "2016-06-22T15:20:26Z")
When I was a kid, I remember Mr. Wizard slicing a banana that was still inside its peel, so when it was opened, it fell apart. He used a needle and thread to do it.
One day, I’ll do it for my daughter’s lunch box.
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### Author:  [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/8 "2016-06-22T15:23:53Z")
Tucking in to a lavish feast at the court of Henry VIII. Game pies; aged cheeses; roast beef, pork, and venison; a wide variety of poultry and wild fowl; potage; raw oysters; deviled eggs; jugged hare; shortbread, compote, and lots of marzipan cakes for dessert … mmmmmmmmmmm! Plus buckets of ale, wine, and mead, of course!
Urp! 'Scuze me … _Blrrrrrrruz!_ Ah, that’s better! :o
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### Author:  [@Taco\_the\_cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taco_the_cat)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/9 "2016-06-22T16:49:10Z")
I want to roll around on a bed covered with Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
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### Author:  [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/10 "2016-06-22T17:24:38Z")
I think you people have better imaginations than I do.
The closest thing I can think of is a serious food fantasy: I want to do Thanksgiving fare as finger foods. I’ve been trying to plan out this menu for a long time. For example, turkey breast roulade with stuffing inside, served sliced and skewered on toothpicks with a dollop of cranberry sauce. Fried mashed potato balls. Green bean casserole served in a bite-sized “bowl” made by frying halves of a small onion. That kind of thing.
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### Author:  [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/11 "2016-06-22T17:26:12Z")
Not me, but a family friend and his wife had a new puppy, Fred, which wasn’t housebroken yet. It kept leaving little piles around the house on their hardwood floors. When the guy’s wife was out of the house on a quick errand, he got some pumpkin-pie filling and made a little pile in the middle of the living room floor. When his wife came home, the guy said, "Welcome home, honey, I… oh, no! Fred! What have you done? Bad dog! _Bad dog!"_
Then he crouched down, put his finger in the pile and tasted it. He added thoughtfully, “Not bad, though!”
His wife almost died.
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#):
>
> Not such a fantasy, but a friend of mine made her brother a birthday cake. Except it was meat loaf, with mashed potatoes for icing. She also made a second, real cake.
My mom once mistook a container of mashed potatoes in the fridge for cheesecake batter. She then finished the “cheesecake” and baked it - and it wasn’t bad!
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### Author:  [@DrCube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrCube)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/12 "2016-06-22T18:37:57Z")
I kinda want to bake four-and-twenty blackbirds into a pie so that when the pie is opened, the birds begin to sing.
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### Author:  [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/13 "2016-06-22T18:52:16Z")
I’ve had a scheme in mind for a while to make a beholder cake. [This seems to be about the kind of thing I had in mind](http://shadowdream.com/gallery2/v/baking/cakes/Beholder+Cake.jpg.html?g2_navId=bawvfxxyspmain.php) – a normal round cake for the central round body, and cupcakes to represent each of its deadly magic eyes. I wasn’t even going to bother making eye stalks, just have the cupcakes floating nearby.
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### Author:  [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/14 "2016-06-22T20:00:42Z")
Recreate the meal served in the Big Night. Now that would be a party.
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### Author:  [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/15 "2016-06-22T20:14:56Z")
> [@Azeotrope](#):
>
> Mine is to take an ostrich egg, hardboil it, and show up at a picnic with one big honkin’ devilled egg.
Mine is pretty close to that, but a bit larger. I want to make an ostrich egg into a scotch egg.
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### Author:  [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/16 "2016-06-22T21:26:16Z")
> [@madmonk28](#):
>
> Recreate the meal served in the Big Night. Now that would be a party.
Recreate the meal served in _The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover_. It ain’t a party without a body count.
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### Author:  [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/17 "2016-06-22T22:04:52Z")
> [@terentii](#):
>
> Tucking in to a lavish feast at the court of Henry VIII. Game pies; aged cheeses; roast beef, pork, and venison; a wide variety of poultry and wild fowl; potage; raw oysters; deviled eggs; jugged hare; shortbread, compote, and lots of marzipan cakes for dessert … mmmmmmmmmmm! Plus buckets of ale, wine, and mead, of course!
>
> Urp! 'Scuze me … _Blrrrrrrruz!_ Ah, that’s better! :o
Sort of this. But I want a restaurant where I could go to sample great meals from history. A full Roman banquet with honeyed dormice and flamingo tongues. Twelve courses from the Titanic with Lyonnaise Potatoes and Lobster Thermidor. The meal that was left behind when James Madison fled the White House and the British soldiers ate before burning the place down. That astronauts’ breakfast of eggs, orange juice, and steak that some TV announcer famously said “…would be coming up shortly.”
I even have a name for my fantasy restaurant: The Time Tables.
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### Author:  [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/18 "2016-06-22T22:15:23Z")
kind of a sick thread…so, congratulations! 😛
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### Author:  [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/19 "2016-06-22T22:36:07Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Unfortunately, there’s nowhere around here to buy an ostrich egg and in any case I’d be afraid that by the time the yolk was cooked the white would have the consistency of a baseball.
You could probably do it sous vide.
And I’ve always seen the instructions for the sliced-banana thing as involving a needle and thread, but I’m not sure why you wouldn’t just use a needle. Stick it in, and swish it back and forth to make the cut.
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### Author:  [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2016, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-silly-food-fantasy/758044/20 "2016-06-22T23:51:02Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#):
>
> Mine is pretty close to that, but a bit larger. I want to make an ostrich egg into a scotch egg.
As long as you invite me over 🆒
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