# What's your worst character defect? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 16, 2001, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997 "2001-06-16T02:32:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/21 "2001-06-16T14:28:20Z")
> [@](#): > > Isn’t that awful? I don’t think it’s “awful,” **Qadgop**. I think it’s completely natural to want to keep some distance between one’s personal life and one’s professional life. I certainly do. Of course, the problem begins when your behavior causes you distress, and this certainly sounds like what is happening in your case, minor though the distress may be. I wish you the best of luck in working on that. I suspect that it will be difficult to find a balance that allows you to be a “listener” without then becoming the “healer” as well, by which I mean to say, to incorporate into your personal interaction the qualities you value from your professional life without then further incorporating inappropriate qualities. Everyone likes a good listener, but few are those who want to be told how to solve their every little problem. Does that make sense? ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/22 "2001-06-16T14:29:25Z")
Hey **Quad** I was just funnin’. If I were ever to meet you I’d love to hear all about you and listen to your “top this” stories. Don’t ever change.\* \*[sup] I’m funnin’ again here. Perhaps I can work on that flaw I have of hating smilies. This, coupled with my sarcasm flaw has lead to a few misunderstandings.[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/23 "2001-06-16T14:39:38Z")
Balance is always the issue, **Knead**. I’m a lot better at that than I used to be. And I’ve got tons of friends I’m in touch with on a daily basis, so my narcissism doesn’t seem to impact much on my ability to be sociable. They tell me I’m as egocentric as I ought to be, and sometimes I should just shut up and accept their judgement. One thing I have learned in my personal life is to **not** give advice unless asked. Usually my family and friends just want to vent, and I realize I’m not expected to fix them. Of course, that never stops more distant relatives from calling for free medical advice, but I can live with that. And kisses to **biggirl** ---
**Author:** ![Hazel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Hazel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazel)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/24 "2001-06-16T15:08:22Z")
I’m lazy. And impatient. Especially with anyone who’s slow on the uptake. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/25 "2001-06-16T15:16:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hazel \* > Especially with anyone who’s slow on the uptake. I don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/26 "2001-06-16T15:20:20Z")
I can’t pick just one. I’m lazy. I procrastinate. But the thing I loathe most about myself is a tendency to rush to judgement (and not usually in a favorable direction). I’m immediately thinking “That will never work, that’s not worth it, she’s going to bore me, he must be some kind of jerk, what an idiot, this is a terrible idea…” take you choice, fit the phrase to the situation. Basically, I expect the worst and then it’s up to the object/person/situation to prove me wrong–if I even give them the chance. I know I got this from my mom. I am working extraordinarily hard to change this. And I’m getting better. Much better. But habits of mind are hard to break when they’ve been long set into you, so it’s a long hard effort. ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/27 "2001-06-16T16:40:39Z")
I’m insecure and not very assertive. And that’s the reason for my preoccupation with alcohol, which is probably causing my more problems then I know. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/28 "2001-06-16T17:15:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JBirdman12 \* > \*\*I’m insecure and not very assertive. And that’s the reason for my preoccupation with alcohol, which is probably causing my more problems then I know. \*\* Could the reverse be true? Might you be insecure and unassertive because of your preoccupation with alcohol? ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/29 "2001-06-16T17:21:36Z")
I repeat myself. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/30 "2001-06-16T17:22:43Z")
You know what’s coming… ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/31 "2001-06-16T17:23:44Z")
I repeat myself! ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/32 "2001-06-16T17:25:37Z")
I am as impulsive as all hell. When I want something, I get it. Course, it usually turns out to not be what I wanted, but I gotta learn that the hard way. Though, that’s not _always_ a bad thing, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Amedeus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de0a6/32.png) [@Amedeus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amedeus)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/33 "2001-06-16T17:34:13Z")
I would say my misanthropic tendancies. Though they are caused by my wounded pride. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/34 "2001-06-16T19:39:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Biggirl \* > I am lazy. > > I should be a slender, gorgeous, bestselling author with a beautiful showcase home. If I could just get my ass moving. Wow. Really? Same here. Do you think maybe we’re related? > [@](#): > > Also I lack humility. Well, it’s not like we’d ever need that. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/35 "2001-06-16T19:56:52Z")
I kind of thought I was passive-aggressive, but now I think I’m just so generally indolent that I do as little as possible anyway. I don’t really want to keep this trait, but going against it is stressful enough that I do. ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/36 "2001-06-16T19:59:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Qadgop the Mercotan \* > **So what are we all doing about our character defects? Every time I get into a conversation with a anyone, I try to remember to shut up and listen…** _rudely interrupting_ When in conversation, the better interlocutors tend to hit the nail on the head, making my mind flood with a bunch of thoughts that I just have to express right away, usually resulting in rude interruptions. Why that reminds me of the time… ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/37 "2001-06-16T20:26:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan \* > But the thing I loathe most about myself is a tendency to rush to judgement (and not usually in a favorable direction). I’m immediately thinking “That will never work, that’s not worth it, she’s going to bore me, he must be some kind of jerk, what an idiot, this is a terrible idea…” take you choice, fit the phrase to the situation. Basically, I expect the worst and then it’s up to the object/person/situation to prove me wrong–if I even give them the chance. I know I got this from my mom. > > I am working extraordinarily hard to change this. And I’m getting better. Much better. But habits of mind are hard to break when they’ve been long set into you, so it’s a long hard effort. Good grief, that’s exactly what I would have written about myself. I am a one woman House of Judgement. My first reaction is always scandalously judgemental. After struggling with this for a while, I’m not sure I would give it up now. One good thing (I guess) that came out of it is that I catch myself doing it, and compensate by asking myself “What circumstances don’t I know? Is there background that I’m not aware of? Let’s give so-and-so the benefit of the doubt.” Even though my immediate (and very private) reaction is usually along the lines of “What kind of idiot would stay at such an awful job?” by the time I’m responding, I’ve got about 12 things lined up to put on the table. “On one hand, on the other hand, on the third hand… etc.” It’s hard to say, of course, but I would suspect that without being inclined to such harsh judgements, I wouldn’t have developed the same ability to see the other side of the story. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/38 "2001-06-16T20:42:59Z")
Cognitive therapist David Burns in his book _Feeling Good_ calls what **CrankyAsAnOldMan** and **delphica** are describing the “fortune-teller error” and he sees it as one of the major obstacles to overcoming depression and low self-esteem. He has several good recommendations for overcoming it. If you find that this issue is causing problems for you, you might want to pick up a copy of his book from your local library. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/39 "2001-06-16T21:00:08Z")
I’m impatient,especially when it comes to people who can’t grasp a simple concept. I’m very insecure about my appearence-I look the mirror and 75% of the time I wince. I fall for men who are unavailable a lot easier than the ones who are available. I tend to get hyper when I’m bored. One slow day at work I actually paced up and down the aisle as far as my headset would let me. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997/40 "2001-06-16T21:01:10Z")
A good book, **knead**. It’s real helpful. So you like backrubs too, huh? I love 'em. I’ve got this problem with my left trapezius, a couple of trigger points get knotted and tight and painful a lot, and a good massage, along with a thumper is real helpful. Of course, part of the problem is a partial rotator cuff tear, along with acromio-clavicular joint problems on that side, but after some cortisone injections…oh, damn, damn, damn! I turned the conversation back to myself again! **slap, slap!** Sorry, you were saying? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-your-worst-character-defect/68997.md?page=3)