# When a stranger bursts into tears... what do you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 13, 2009, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-a-stranger-bursts-into-tears-what-do-you-do/496239 "2009-05-13T01:16:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-a-stranger-bursts-into-tears-what-do-you-do/496239/41 "2009-05-14T17:06:59Z")
I am not much of a crier, but I’ll admit I’ve broken down on the subway a few times. Music on my Discman (yes, way back) or iPod was always the trigger – particularly sad songs that I’d been listening to when people close to me died. I tried to hide my face, mostly, if only to keep people from thinking I was going to throw myself on the tracks or something. I’m not sure what I would have done had someone tried to comfort me – probably been embarrassed, unless maybe it was a particularly kind-looking old woman. A tissue would have been fine. I am surely over my limit for citing _Sex and the City_ on the SDMB (especially since I’m not even a huge fan of the show), but there was an episode where Miranda’s mother dies and she breaks down in a dressing room. The sales clerk offers her a hug, which she refuses before breaking down and allowing the older woman to clutch her to her chest. It is a particularly sweet moment. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-a-stranger-bursts-into-tears-what-do-you-do/496239/42 "2009-05-14T17:45:43Z")
Crying in public is even more embarrassing than loudly and aromatically farting in public. I’m going to have to go with a Miss Manners-style solution and say that I’d do nothing. Doing or saying anything only calls attention to the source of the embarassment. So, the only polite thing to do is to pretend that nothing is awry. ---
**Author:** ![taxi78cab](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47c2d/32.png) [@taxi78cab](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taxi78cab)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-a-stranger-bursts-into-tears-what-do-you-do/496239/43 "2009-05-14T21:07:46Z")
I think offering a tissue is great, but I’ve never understood the idea of giving a crying person a glass of water. Why would they (more than any other random person) want water? Tissue, yes. Water… huh? ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-a-stranger-bursts-into-tears-what-do-you-do/496239/44 "2009-05-14T23:39:53Z")
I’d probably ignore them, but feel bad Wow, what are you doing that you’re constantly having perfect strangers burst into tears around you?:eek: That’s never happened to me, ever. ---
**Author:** ![Oregon\_sunshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/50afbb/32.png) [@Oregon\_sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oregon_sunshine)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-a-stranger-bursts-into-tears-what-do-you-do/496239/45 "2009-05-15T00:22:36Z")
I’m a welfare caseworker, so this happens to me on a regular basis. I generally use a generous dose of empathy and concern, and point out the box of kleenex on my desk. 🙂 If someone’s been abused, I make sure they know it’s not their fault. ---
**Author:** ![Rack-a-Bones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rack-a-Bones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rack-a-Bones)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-a-stranger-bursts-into-tears-what-do-you-do/496239/46 "2009-05-15T00:53:18Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Happened earlier this evening. … > > It’s happened when I worked the front desk at hotels, I’ve had it happen in libraries, on elevators, once while checking out at a grocery store and the cashier was bauling, and I just honestly don’t know what in hell to do. > > … > > Anyway, does this make anybody else as awkward as it does me? And if so or if not, what is your general reaction to it? (It would be far less awkward if they vomited or peed on themselves; if that were the case I’d go get something they could wipe/dry themselves off with and some cleaning products, but crying is way more personal and almost more socially unacceptable somehow [you can’t always help throwing up or peeing on yourself if you’re sick, but you can always leave the room if you’re going to cry.) Seems to happen to you a lot. Perhaps you are just too beautiful/handsome for regular people to handle. 🙂 Put me in with the people who would ask if they were ok. I can’t stand to see a girl crying. The “damsel in distress” gets me every time. Now if it were a guy… I dunno how I’d react. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-a-stranger-bursts-into-tears-what-do-you-do/496239/47 "2009-05-15T01:02:07Z")
I would certainly feel bad for the person…but ultimately I would leave them alone. I’m just usually not good in those situations, and if I’m sittin there bawling my eyes out, I would want to be left alone ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-a-stranger-bursts-into-tears-what-do-you-do/496239/48 "2009-05-15T04:22:32Z")
I just remembered…when I was crying in the hospital hallway, this man ducked in the bathroom, came out with tissues, handed them to me unobtrusively, and walked away. It was a kind gesture, and much appreciated. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-a-stranger-bursts-into-tears-what-do-you-do/496239/49 "2009-05-15T20:40:16Z")
> [@Rack-a-Bones](#): > > Perhaps you are just too beautiful/handsome for regular people to handle. 🙂 And yet when I try to explain that to people they call me a narcissist. Thank you for understanding…😉 > [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > I would certainly feel bad for the person…but ultimately I would leave them alone. I’m just usually not good in those situations, and if I’m sittin there bawling my eyes out, I would want to be left alone Exactly. I think also being male it’s different. If a woman comes up to you and says “are you okay” and gives you tissue it seems kind, but for a guy to do it it could seem… other. Once I came upon a male co-worker who was crying. That’s REALLLLY awkward. I didn’t know him very well myself, but I knew he was good friends with another co-worker, ‘Glenda’, so I whispered it in her ear and she tended to him. (It turned out he’d just learned a good friend of his had been killed in a car wreck.) He actually thanked me later for telling her. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-a-stranger-bursts-into-tears-what-do-you-do/496239/50 "2009-05-16T00:19:29Z")
> [@taxi78cab](#): > > I think offering a tissue is great, but I’ve never understood the idea of giving a crying person a glass of water. Why would they (more than any other random person) want water? Tissue, yes. Water… huh? Desperate sobbing leaves your throat dry. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-a-stranger-bursts-into-tears-what-do-you-do/496239/51 "2009-05-16T02:25:37Z")
Some of you will remember **Persephone** , who was a Doper until she died a few years ago. Cristi was a real-life friend of mine and I found out about her death when I checked my text messages on the bus home from work. I had five messages and for a moment I was like, “Awesome! I’m popular today!” Until I read the first one. Well, I kinda fell apart on the bus. I wasn’t wracked with sobs, but I was really, really shocked, and crying. After the bus, I had to take the train, and while I was waiting on the platform, a woman who had been on my bus came up to me and asked me if I was doing okay, she’d seen me crying. I told her no, my friend had died. And she was really sympathetic and told me that she she was really sorry to hear that. I’m glad she did that. I really appreciated it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-a-stranger-bursts-into-tears-what-do-you-do/496239.md?page=2)