# When AA says I should turn my life over to a higher power I don't think they meant you. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 13, 2012, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639 "2012-03-13T12:57:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2012, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/41 "2012-03-14T09:48:41Z")
So he’s going to Stonethrowers Anonymous? I loved the title too, **dropzone**. I hope the ratio of Assholes : Decent Folk you encounter there stays at 1:many. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2012, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/42 "2012-03-14T09:54:27Z")
Heheh I love the thread title - one of those things that you really wish you had thought of at the time, yeah. I guess it’s true - all types of people become alcoholics, including assholes. Sorry you had to encounter one so early on in your journey. I wish you luck and strength for the days/weeks/months/years/lifetime ahead. ---
**Author:** ![choie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/choie/32/7829_2.png) [@choie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/choie)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2012, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/43 "2012-03-14T10:11:47Z")
Congrats on your sobriety and definitely don’t let one self-righteous smug putz ruin your experience. I don’t know enough about the program to know whether he’s right or wrong, but it’s certainly not for him to say unless he’s your sponsor or the, um, grand poobah or whatever they call meeting leaders (if AA has meeting leaders, that is). There are so many oher ways this could’ve been addressed, and the number one _wrong_ way is to make the newcomer feel unwelcome to the point where he or she might possibly be put off from attending another meeting. Really thoughtless on this guy’s part. But to be fair, he obviously has his problems too, or he wouldn’t be where he is. So if at all possible, try to think some charitable thoughts about him and just remember, everyone in the group has his/her own crosses to bear. Maybe this guy has become a control freak ever since he stopped drinking. Or maybe he’s always a control freak and alcohol is one of he things he’s let himself lose conrol with. Who the hell knows. Anyway I’m truly glad it seems that you’re not daunted from returning to the meeting where you feel comfortable. Awesome. > [@dropzone](#): > > I’m beginning to think that **Bo** has already seen someone and the admins know about it. It would explain both why an otherwise smart and erudite poster can get compulsive about posting the same tired joke everywhere (he’s nuts) and why the admins let him (they know he’s being treated for it and are making accommodations). If so he needs to cut down. Just did a search and turns out he’s repeated this shtick 47 times. (Would’ve been 67 but I ignored the two threads directly discussing his usage of this wannabe catch-phrase – one in the pit, on in ATMT.) Definitely needs to go to Memes Anonymous. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2012, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/44 "2012-03-14T10:58:19Z")
> [@choie](#): > > But to be fair, he obviously has his problems too, or he wouldn’t be where he is. So if at all possible, try to think some charitable thoughts about him and just remember, everyone in the group has his/her own crosses to bear. Maybe this guy has become a control freak ever since he stopped drinking. Or maybe he’s always a control freak and alcohol is one of he things he’s let himself lose control with. Who the hell knows. Yeah, a Steps meeting yesterday was expanding on Step 8 and I realized some cases where I could be a bit more understanding. I could go Step 9 and apologize to him for thinking and saying uncharitable things about him. It would be funny but it would be wrong because I’d be using it as an opportunity to be smug and condescending and for the laugh. I’m beginning to see why some people think that AA sucks all the fun out you. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Suil\_Dubh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85f322/32.png) [@Suil\_Dubh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suil_Dubh)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2012, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/45 "2012-03-14T14:26:32Z")
> [@choie](#): > > But to be fair, he obviously has his problems too, or he wouldn’t be where he is. So if at all possible, try to think some charitable thoughts about him and just remember, everyone in the group has his/her own crosses to bear. Maybe this guy has become a control freak ever since he stopped drinking. Or maybe he’s always a control freak and alcohol is one of he things he’s let himself lose conrol with. Who the hell knows. I was going to post something similar, but **choie** , you did it much more coherently than I could have. **dropzone** , congrats on getting to AA. The guy that you described does indeed sound like a jerk, but instead of responding to him in kind, or with snark, (or with a bottle of Sterno, ha ha) just tune him out to the best extent that you can. Like **choie** suggests, he probably has a few issues on top of alcoholism to deal with. Think positive, and focus on your own recovery, first and foremost. I’m just some anonymous guy on the Internet, but for whatever it’s worth, you’ve got my wishes for good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2012, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/46 "2012-03-14T15:17:22Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > If Homer Simpson can get sober without Ned Flanders and his God, then so can I. > > Oh wait, Homer never got sober. Doh! Actually, it was Barney that got sober. If HE can do it, anyone can! ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2012, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/47 "2012-03-14T20:00:48Z")
I asked my sponsor one day: “Why is it that I always run into so many assholes?” My sponsor simply said: “Because you collect them…” The assholes are still out there, but I no longer collect them. Besides, if you love everyone you meet in the program, you aren’t going to enough meetings. YMMV, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2012, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/48 "2012-03-14T21:08:22Z")
What a jerk. As I’ve said many times around here, I volunteer with a support group for anxiety sufferers, and the best recovery for anyone is the one that works. If going to your local meeting works, then Mr. Knowitall should be supportive of that, not critical. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/49 "2012-03-15T01:10:03Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Besides, if you love everyone you meet in the program, you aren’t going to enough meetings. I don’t LOVE much of anybody. In this case I like them fine but don’t remember their names, which is as good as I usually get. ---
**Author:** ![gamerunknown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6bbea6/32.png) [@gamerunknown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gamerunknown)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2012, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/50 "2012-03-20T05:33:00Z")
> [@](#): > > That’s why Dante has been such a failure at stopping drinking. Spotlight fallacy. Anyone got any cites that AA is better than just independently deciding to stop drinking? ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2012, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/51 "2012-03-20T15:24:44Z")
> [@gamerunknown](#): > > Spotlight fallacy. Anyone got any cites that AA is better than just independently deciding to stop drinking? Well, no, but I was only making an ironic observation, to counter one person in this thread who said the asshole was right, and for it to work, \*\*dropzone \*\*does have to go to beginners’ meetings and not to the advanced ones. I don’t need to prove AA works, nor was it my intent. I am agnostic on that point, in fact. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2012, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/52 "2012-03-20T22:44:20Z")
Been to both and what is supposed to be the difference? Look, it’s not the most complex philosophy and I have to be careful what I spend my gasoline on. I’ll go where it’s closer and I know people because it is, in part, the people who keep me going. The guy was the speaker at the meeting following our St Patrick’s Day dinner. The whole night was hellish. First, I tripped over the transition between carpet and tile. Landed fine and some people were helping me stand when a Good Samaritan took me in a bear hug lifted me clear of the floor. Strong guy. He said, “I think I cracked your back.” I said (sotto voce), “I think you cracked my ribs.” Fortunately it was on the side where I did NOT recently break four of them or I might’ve ended up with a rib in my lung. Kids, ask people before you show off how strong you are. And in between getting hurt and listening to that guy pontificate they ran out of cabbage before I got to the front of the line. Like I said, it was hellish. I did learn that he is Old School AA, that’s what they’re like, and I get the impression most other people smile and nod when they spout off. I am concerned about the reaction of some of the more fragile newbies when they hear him. I’ll have to keep an eye on them. Great, a week and a half sober and I’m already letting my ego run me and turn me into a mother hen. Gotta watch that and nip it in the bud. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2012, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/53 "2012-03-21T14:28:23Z")
> [@bup](#): > > Maybe he thought he was at Assholes Anonymous. Or maybe he didn’t know Abusers Anonymous from Arguers Anonymous. … the one he should have been at was down the hall, on the right. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/54 "2012-03-22T00:05:03Z")
Today’s meeting was hellish. I sat down across from a TV-hot 20-ish girl, tall and a ginger, who introduced herself and smiled at me. On the other hand, somebody brought in bakery coffee cake. Even though I’m married, nearly three times her age, and all sorts of unattractive I couldn’t bring myself to have some coffee cake. I tried to explain it to my daughter, but she is intimately familiar with the “cute guy-cake-cute guy-cake-cute guy-awwwww!” problem. I mumbled to myself, “If I were 35 years younger…” except the ellipses were filled with “…I’d still have been married,” so I had some coffee cake. But I didn’t think of drinking the whole meeting! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/55 "2012-03-22T00:56:28Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > I tried to explain it to my daughter, but she is intimately familiar with the “cute guy-cake-cute guy-cake-cute guy-awwwww!” problem. Could you explain it to the rest of us, then? 'Cause I don’t know what cake has to do with pretty girls. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/56 "2012-03-22T01:17:45Z")
You are a guy, huh? So you can eat in front of girls? Well, I’m a fat guy, so I can’t hardly eat in front of anybody without assuming every look is an accusation of why I’m so fat. [cliche] Women, especially teenagers, often find it difficult to eat in front of guys. Y’see, it makes them look fatter than they are, or so they think. A single cute guy could probably cause an entire room of girls to starve rather than eat where he could see them. [/cliche] ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/57 "2012-03-22T01:24:23Z")
OK. Did not know that. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/58 "2012-03-22T02:04:42Z")
One of the first things I learned in Al-Aon twenty-some years ago was that those who quit drinking don’t necessarily lose the asshole behavior that contributed to their alcoholism. They just don’t drink while behaving as an asshole. Anyway, do what it takes to stay sober today. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/59 "2012-03-22T04:41:46Z")
> [@gamerunknown](#): > > Spotlight fallacy. Anyone got any cites that AA is better than just independently deciding to stop drinking? Why does it have to be? ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639/60 "2012-03-22T09:48:17Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > a week and a half sober YES!! Awesome! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-aa-says-i-should-turn-my-life-over-to-a-higher-power-i-dont-think-they-meant-you/615639.md?page=4)