# When are you going to croak? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 1, 2002, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405 "2002-10-01T15:12:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ghandi5569](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@ghandi5569](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ghandi5569)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/21 "2002-10-02T01:09:39Z")
The Spark says March 27, 2046. At the age of 66. But they lie. I’m going to die sometime in April, in 2031 at the age of 51. I have to be alive for July 4th, 2030 at 3 pm in the capital of Morrocco, in a grocery store in the produce section. (Because I’m meeting all of my friends there.) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Serendipity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Serendipity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serendipity)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/22 "2002-10-02T02:42:41Z")
According to The Spark, I’ll be leaving this world on July 17, 2051 at the ripe old age of 70. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/23 "2002-10-02T03:03:09Z")
October 20, 2041 at the age of 61 years old. Cause of death? Cancer (34%) Alien Abduction (12%) Jeez, Mtgman. What do YOU do to get that answer? ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/24 "2002-10-02T03:39:44Z")
> [@](#): > > _Tripler’s Results_ > Mark your calendar or Palm V. You can expect to die on: > > May 4, 2045 > at the age of 68 years old. > > On that date you will most likely die from: > > Alcoholism (19%) > Cancer (10%) > Alien Abduction (9%) > Drowning (9%) > Heart Attack (7%) > Homicide (6%) > Suicide (5%) > Wild Animal Mauling (5%) Alcoholism, eh? I see I’m the only candidate for Wild Animal Mauling so far. . . Tripler “Croikey!!” ---
**Author:** ![Skerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Skerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skerri)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/25 "2002-10-02T03:54:29Z")
Mark your calendar or Palm V. You can expect to die on: June 23, 2039 at the age of 65 years old. Cancer (32%) Heart Attack (9%) Alcoholism (8%) Horrible Accident (7%) Contagious Disease (5%) Homicide (5%) Loneliness (5%) Drowning (5%) Well, I guess the bright side is that I only have a 5% chance of dying from loneliness. Boy is that a relief! I love the “disclaimer” at the bottom: > [@](#): > > _Disclaimer: We, despite being proficient with the human anatomy, are not doctors. Keep that in mind before calling your lawyer as you’re clutching your left arm moaning “Damn you, Spark, Damn YOU!” on June 23, 2039, as you slip silently into the night._ ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/26 "2002-10-02T04:53:15Z")
August 6, 2066 at the age of 89 years old. On that date you will most likely die from: Cancer (20%) Auto-Fellatio (14%) Horrible Accident (13%) Heart Attack (10%) Suicide (8%) Alien Abduction (6%) Drowning (6%) That’s a little under the family average but not too bad. Answering that test made me realise that I have a very boring life. ---
**Author:** ![xash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c6cbf5/32.png) [@xash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xash)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/27 "2002-10-02T05:29:11Z")
when the princess comes to kiss me… ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/28 "2002-10-02T05:42:24Z")
March 2, 2045 at the age of 62 years old Hmm… well plenty of time to party.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/29 "2002-10-02T05:48:46Z")
March 2, 2045 at the age of 62 years old Hmm… well plenty of time to party.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Snugglebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snugglebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snugglebear)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/30 "2002-10-02T05:50:25Z")
September 18, 2044 at the age of 67 years old. On that date I will most likely die from: Heart Attack (15%) Cancer (12%) Electrolysis (11%) Alcoholism (9%) Drowning (8%) Alien Abduction (7%) :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Jonno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f19dbf/32.png) [@Jonno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonno)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/31 "2002-10-02T06:26:51Z")
You can expect to die on: May 10, 2034 at the age of 65 years old. Cancer (19%) Alcoholism (13%) Heart Attack (12%) Third Degree Burns (8%) Alien Abduction (8%) Horrible Accident (5%) Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation (5%) Drowning (5%) It’s a long shot, but my money is riding on Alien Abduction. ---
**Author:** ![d\_redguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@d\_redguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/d_redguy)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/32 "2002-10-02T06:38:13Z")
OK, December 11, 2037 at the age of 61 years old. I forgot to cut and paste the 1st time, but my money is on the 5% auto-fellatio. 😃 I ran it a 2nd time, with the least healthy traits possible, being 26, 5’2", and weighing 280 lbs. Here are the results (somewhat predictably)… October 3, 2002 at the age of 26 years old. On that date you will most likely die from: Contagious Disease (34%) Cancer (15%) Horrible Accident (7%) I guess its all the team sex with my 101 partners (78 unprotected)😛 ---
**Author:** ![zephonith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@zephonith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zephonith)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/33 "2002-10-02T06:40:26Z")
A friend of mine did this test seriously and it told her she would die at age 55 or so. Her family had every one of the following except poor penmanship 😃 > [@](#): > > Has anyone in your family had problems with any of the following? > cancer heart disease > alcoholism drug abuse > illiteracy mafia connections > insomnia poor penmanship Hmmm, I’ve got till December 23, 2060 Not bad, but I’ve got a 50% chance of dying of cancer :eek: I didn’t get auto fellatio though :whew: ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/34 "2002-10-02T06:51:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zephonith \* > \*\* > Not bad, but I’ve got a 50% chance of dying of cancer :eek: > I didn’t get auto fellatio though :whew: \*\* Geez, maybe I’m weird, but I’d MUCH rather die from auto-fellatio than cancer…at least I’d go out with an (elongated) smile on my face. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/35 "2002-10-02T09:35:58Z")
> [@](#): > > April 1, 2077 > at the age of 89 years old. > > On that date you will most likely die from: > > Cancer (34%) > Drowning (12%) > Alien Abduction (8%) > Third Degree Burns (6%) > Alcoholism (6%) > Loneliness (6%) > Confusion (6%) That would probably be the most awful April Fools joke ever… ---
**Author:** ![blinx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a5b964/32.png) [@blinx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blinx)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/36 "2002-10-02T09:58:19Z")
July 17, 2036 at the age of 59 years old. Cancer (44%) I’ll must have another cigarette to calm down after such a shock. ---
**Author:** ![Dragline](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/edb3f5/32.png) [@Dragline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragline)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/37 "2002-10-02T16:05:41Z")
I plan to live forever. So far, it’s working. ---
**Author:** ![Lodrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@Lodrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lodrain)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2002, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/38 "2002-10-03T02:27:05Z")
September 18, 2067. I will be 81 years old. (looks at clock, taps foot impatiently) I’m waiting… ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2002, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/39 "2002-10-03T03:19:23Z")
Mark your calendar or Palm V. You can expect to die on: July 13, 2040 at the age of 75 years old. On that date you will most likely die from: Cancer (36%) Homicide (11%) Contagious Disease (8%) Alien Abduction (6%) Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation (6%) Drowning (6%) Heart Attack (5%) Hmm. 75’s not too bad. I’m not even half-done yet! ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2002, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405/40 "2002-10-03T07:42:26Z")
October 17, 2048 at the age of 70 years old. On that date you will most likely die from: Cancer (25%) Alcoholism (9%) Horrible Accident (7%) Alien Abduction (7%) Suicide (7%) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-are-you-going-to-croak/130405.md?page=3)