# When Beavers Attack **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 9, 2007, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-beavers-attack/415012 "2007-08-09T14:32:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-beavers-attack/415012/1 "2007-08-09T14:32:04Z")
[Up next on Fox: Attack of the Killer Beavers!](http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070808/od_afp/swedenanimalsoffbeat;_ylt=A0WTcVgAIrtGmgEBvxChOrgF) > [@](#): > > A grandmother taking a leisurely swim in a Swedish river ended up in the hospital after a beaver attacked her with its tail, regional newspaper Nerikes Allehanda reported Wednesday. > > Police sources said it was the second time a beaver had attacked humans at the beach on the banks of the Bottenaa River, around 150 kilometres (93 miles) west of Stockholm, the newspaper reported. [Jeff Foxworthy] You might be a redneck if you’ve ever had your nipple bitten off by a beaver. [/JF] ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-beavers-attack/415012/2 "2007-08-09T14:53:35Z")
Sweden – isn’t that near Russia? Where a crocodile just fell from the sky? > **[Crocodile falls to earth in Russian nuclear town](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=432169)** > > Words truly, truly fail me. National Inquirer headlines are turning up in reputable news outlets http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070807/od\_afp/russiaanimaloffbeat\_070807194634 Beavers…Crocodiles — the new Russian secret weapons! ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-beavers-attack/415012/3 "2007-08-09T15:29:38Z")
I, for one, welcome our new Beaver over-lords… Death by Crocodile…death by Beaver. Hmmm. I’ll take Death by Beaver with a side of ‘silly smile on my face’… ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-beavers-attack/415012/4 "2007-08-09T15:32:54Z")
My sister once bit a beaver. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-beavers-attack/415012/5 "2007-08-09T15:33:32Z")
Really. And have you? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-beavers-attack/415012/6 "2007-08-09T15:34:38Z")
This is going nowhere good. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-beavers-attack/415012/7 "2007-08-09T17:18:38Z")
Hah! My hatred for beavers, those bastardly rodents, is vindicated! No, seriously, I hate beavers. I was chased along a riverbank by one once, and if you’ve ever been chased by a 40 pound rodent, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Jeeze, even when I’m being serious, it sounds surreal. Alrighty-then. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-beavers-attack/415012/8 "2007-08-09T17:22:59Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] My sister once bit a beaver. [/QUOTE] Was the beaver trying to carve its initials on her? ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-beavers-attack/415012/9 "2007-08-09T17:28:23Z")
What I hated about the story was that officials decided to kill all the beavers in the area so people could continue to swim in the river. You know, if it’s a choice between swimming in a municipal pool or swimming in a river that’s been de-beavered, I’ll go for the pool every time. Don’t go killing beavers on my behalf. ---
**Author:** ![WotNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@WotNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WotNot)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-beavers-attack/415012/10 "2007-08-10T11:00:09Z")
> [@](#): > > Like the secret police of George Orwell’s 1984, the beavers were literally everywhere. There seemed no limit to the distance which they could teleport, although they had actually to be on the spot, in visible sight of their victims, before they could use their telekinesis. It was frightening, terrifying. Humanity was fighting a war with gigantic, radio-active teleports and telekinetics. It was like fighting deadly ghosts, or strange elemental spirits. From _Rodent Mutation_ by Bron Fane