# When can children be allowed to roam on their own **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 22, 2012, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575 "2012-02-22T00:51:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![bashere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@bashere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bashere)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575/41 "2012-02-24T00:20:23Z")
I wanted to thank everyone who replied. I strongly suspect I will be making exceptional efforts to get him to his sitters after summer camp this year (well, I’ll work from home two days a week in the afternoon). I appreciate the feedback because it allowed me to try to figure out what I was concerned about. First and foremost is more or less societal approval. I’m not all that worried about Children’s Aide popping by and arresting me, but I’m not ruling it out, either. Second is the traffic issue. Crossing two busy streets kind of bothered me. The third isn’t exactly him being mugged by other kids, but kids are a lot meaner to each other than adults tend to be. If he were to be travelling with another kid, I wouldn’t mind, but somehow I think a 10 year old just sort of screams “victim” to other kids, and I fear adults ignore the interactions of children. There is very little bullying at his school, so I’m not sure if he knows how to deal with it. “Stranger danger” is a very distant fourth. He’s been in martial arts since he was in kindergarten, and while I don’t think that will allow him to disable a full grown man, it will allow him to shout “back off” and scream bloody murder until someone notices his distress (which is pretty much the kata they practiced). I don’t have faith in him doing the same thing if he is being bothered by other kids, although I think I probably ought to. **ducati** and **Little Nemo** , your points are well taken. I don’t think the world is a perfectly safe place, just safer than it was. And I know that some stranger danger exists. It is definitely something I will discuss with him before we do anything. **SciFiSam** Good points. To be perfectly honest, if a 10 year old went to a collector booth and said “I lost my money and tickets. Can my dad pay you back the next time we’re on the subway?” he’d get away with it (there are days when I love the TTC). The odds are very, very, very much against the train stopping or not appearing, but I’ll talk to him about subway delays and what to do if they do shut down the subway for a few hours. He is an exceptionally well-behaved and resourceful child, but he’s generally travelled with me, and I need to work on getting his independence up a bit. I’ll probably allow it next year, but I’ll start working toward it now. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575/42 "2012-02-24T00:25:30Z")
Bullshit, ducati. Crime isn’t just down, it’s down hugely. Massively. Historically. It is the at **the lowest ever recorded** in many places. Lower than when all of us were kids. Kids are abducted daily, but almost all the time by a non-custodial parent. If you are talking about stereotypical kidnapping, as in snatched by a stranger, it is incredibly rare. About 50 children are abducted by strangers and killed a year. That is 50 too many of course, but there are 60,000,000 children under the age of 15 in the U.S. Think of it this way, your child is more than twice as likely to be killed by being crushed by a vending machine that by a kidnapping stranger. How vigilant are you about not allowing him around vending machines? The best way to make sure kids are safe is by letting them out in their environment and learning to be street smart. Says who? The National Center for Missing and Exploited children says so. Teach them to be safe and send them out to explore and learn. ---
**Author:** ![Desert\_Nomad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desert_nomad/32/177_2.png) [@Desert\_Nomad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desert_Nomad)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575/43 "2012-02-24T00:31:04Z")
When I was 12 and my brother was 9 (living near San Francisco), my mom let us go to Honolulu by ourselves for 3 days & 2 nights. We had a great time and nothing bad happened. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575/44 "2012-02-24T00:43:22Z")
> [@ducati](#): > > Children are abducted in the U.S. daily. They do, but not by strangers. There’s about 100 stranger abductions every year. > [@](#): > > They get lost, they have accidents. They get lost and get hurt while you’re standing right there. My daughter got hurt tonight on the slide. There is nothing you can do about some things. > [@](#): > > If everything went smoothly, I’m sure your son could make the journey by himself. Many times. It just takes one thing to interfere or go wrong, and throw him off course. Is he mature enough to handle trouble? > You’ve taught him what to do, but will he remember under pressure? This is called worst first thinking. Things go wrong all the time, again there’s nothing you can do about it. > [@](#): > > Being in Canada, you may not have seen the abduction of Carlie Brucia in [broad daylight](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIgd0I77Rao) > In my own neighborhood in Nashville, 10 year old [Marcia Trimble](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Marcia_Trimble) was kidnapped and killed just delivering Girl Scout cookies a couple of doors from her house. I was 15 at the time, and lived a couple of miles away. There hasn’t been a week gone by in the last 30+ years that I haven’t thought of Marcia’s case and used it to reinforce my postion on kids safety. > Here in Georgia just this month another young girl was [grabbed](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9rqjT3Yzsw&feature=related) right in a Wal-Mart. She fought and screamed and the man dropped her and ran. So you’ve found 3-4 events, over 30+ years. Out of all of the kids in just the US that’s nothing. How many kids are killed each year in auto accidents? How many drown in swimming pools, with life guards and parents right there? These things happen every day, yet no one would say stay home or stay out of the pool. It really seems that parents are becoming too scared to let their kids out, at all. We hear about the bad things that happen, but that’s because there’s news on 24/7. But the reality is that while things do happen we can’t live our lives in fear of things that probably will not. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575/45 "2012-02-24T01:18:09Z")
> [@ducati](#): > > Being in Canada, you may not have seen the abduction of Carlie Brucia in [broad daylight](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIgd0I77Rao) > In my own neighborhood in Nashville, 10 year old [Marcia Trimble](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Marcia_Trimble) was kidnapped and killed just delivering Girl Scout cookies a couple of doors from her house. I was 15 at the time, and lived a couple of miles away. There hasn’t been a week gone by in the last 30+ years that I haven’t thought of Marcia’s case and used it to reinforce my postion on kids safety. > Here in Georgia just this month another young girl was [grabbed](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9rqjT3Yzsw&feature=related) right in a Wal-Mart. She fought and screamed and the man dropped her and ran. Not far from my inlaws, a six year old boy was killed a couple of years ago in his own [front garden](http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/car-crashes-into-family-kills-lovely-boy/story-e6freuy9-1225812311091) with his mum right there. I still summon up the courage to go out the front door every so often though. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575/46 "2012-02-24T07:45:39Z")
> [@Stauderhorse](#): > > Speaking as the child of a mother who wouldn’t let me wait at the bus stop alone at _17_, your son will probably be proud of the fact that you trust him like this. Let him do it and get some experience navigating the world on his own. That was just wrong. You know that, don’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575/47 "2012-02-24T07:55:43Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Occasionally, I look at my 7 year old and think, “Child, 100 years ago, you’d be walking 2 miles to the well to bring back water before dawn so that you could wash up, make breakfast for your brothers and be at work in the sweatshop sewing shoes by 7am…” This, OTOH, is so right to me that I want to high five ya. ---
**Author:** ![Pixel\_Dent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc8723/32.png) [@Pixel\_Dent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixel_Dent)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575/48 "2012-02-24T12:22:35Z")
> [@Palo\_Verde](#): > > Kids are abducted daily, but almost all the time by a non-custodial parent. If you are talking about stereotypical kidnapping, as in snatched by a stranger, it is incredibly rare. About 50 children are abducted by strangers and killed a year. That is 50 too many of course, but there are 60,000,000 children under the age of 15 in the U.S. > > Think of it this way, your child is more than twice as likely to be killed by being crushed by a vending machine that by a kidnapping stranger. How vigilant are you about not allowing him around vending machines? Exactly. The chance of a kid being abducted by a stranger is the same as the chance of you tossing a fair coin heads 25 times in a row. Sure, it could happen, but the chance is so small that worrying about it isn’t rational. It’s 100 times more likely your child will be killed in a car accident. Not only that but there is growing evidence that overprotective parents actively damage their child’s development. Children who are allowed more freedom have been shown to have more highly developed brains and fewer instances of mental illnesses. I admit. When I let my kids go out alone and explore the world it scares the crap out of me. I don’t let them do this because I don’t care, I do it because I love them so much I’m putting their own development over my comfort. I try to teach them what they need to know and give them continually expanding boundaries so they can develop their skills and confidence as they grow. I’m hoping this leads them to be very independent, confident, and brave as adults. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575/49 "2012-02-24T12:34:50Z")
I was riding the TTC every day after school when I was 9. From the bus, transfer at Islington to the subway and then transfer again to the bus from my subway stop. Walk home from bus stop. I don’t recall it being a big deal for me, it was just how I got home after school. (I got a ride to school, but had to get home on my own) ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575/50 "2012-02-24T13:01:06Z")
> [@Desert\_Nomad](#): > > When I was 12 and my brother was 9 (living near San Francisco), my mom let us go to Honolulu by ourselves for 3 days & 2 nights. We had a great time and nothing bad happened. When I was in junior high the Shah fell. My best friend in junior high escaped from Iran with her younger sister. My friend was probably 12. Her sister was nine. Her parents managed to get the girls, but not themselves, on a plane headed to France…and from there they made their way to their grandmother’s house in the U.S. (with some help from the U.S. State Department). Teach your kids some independence, it might be needed and it doesn’t happen overnight when they pack for the dorm. It happens in stages from the time they are born. Push the boundaries of societal approval back a bit. They were pushed one way, those of us who believe kids should have childhoods and that kids are capable of walking three blocks to the neighbors at ten need to stand our ground, or we risk kids who don’t learn what the need to learn to become functional adults need to continue to push. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575/51 "2012-02-24T13:32:48Z")
The sprog is now 9.5, and I’d be OK with his going out alone, as long as he knows who he can ask for help if he needs it. (It helps that we’re only a few blocks from the police station and from the high school.) When he gets older and starts really wandering around on his own, he will have a cell phone so he can call if he needs to. (E.g., if he finds himself in an unsafe situation, or if he’s stranded somewhere, he can call and one or the other of us will come get him.) I refuse to buy into the “stranger danger” panic. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575/52 "2012-02-24T13:51:13Z")
> [@Pixel\_Dent](#): > > Not only that but there is growing evidence that overprotective parents actively damage their child’s development. Children who are allowed more freedom have been shown to have more highly developed brains and fewer instances of mental illnesses. Correlation != causation and all that. After all, kids with mental illnesses will have “lesser developed brains” (not too sure what is meant by that) and more protective (i.e., less freedom-giving) parents, right? ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575/53 "2012-02-24T16:34:36Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > Correlation != causation and all that. After all, kids with mental illnesses will have “lesser developed brains” (not too sure what is meant by that) and more protective (i.e., less freedom-giving) parents, right? Sure. But my kids are learning independance and problem solving. If they get into a situation, they aren’t afraid they try to be logical. It’s something we work at every day. I am not taking care of children; I am raising adults. I want them to be able to be confident and unafraid of the world. To do that, they must be exposed to it. I saw plenty of ‘special snowflakes’ when I went to university who had never been on their own or responsible for anything. Guess what? Most of them washed out before Christmas. They just couldn’t handle the freedom (so didn’t go to class, drank too much, ran out of money). I don’t want that for my children. ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575/54 "2012-02-24T19:50:35Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > **I am not taking care of children; I am raising adults.** This is SO TRUE. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575/55 "2012-02-24T22:16:35Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > Correlation != causation and all that. After all, kids with mental illnesses will have “lesser developed brains” (not too sure what is meant by that) and more protective (i.e., less freedom-giving) parents, right? Yeah - my daughter’s autistic, and she just wasn’t capable of travelling by herself till she was 13 and she still has difficulties now. But I’m very much not an overprotective parent and I’m still teaching her independence and problem-solving skills. Hopefully she’ll also learn not to be overly judgemental. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-can-children-be-allowed-to-roam-on-their-own/613575.md?page=2)