# When did 'queer' stop being offensive? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [August 20, 2003, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493 "2003-08-20T18:01:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![doctordoowop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecc23a/32.png) [@doctordoowop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doctordoowop)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/21 "2003-08-21T00:15:34Z")
When a pro fighter is punched nearly unconscious he’s still referred to as being “on queer street.” ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/22 "2003-08-21T01:31:31Z")
I suspect it’s a lot like “The N Word”. If you have to ask if you can say it, you probably can’t. Or shouldn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Thrash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2acd7d/32.png) [@Thrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thrash)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/23 "2003-08-21T03:01:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BrotherCadfael \* > \*\*Does anyone still use the term to mean “wierd”, “odd”, or “strange”? \*\* Yes I do on occasion. I think that it is too bad that the word queer has been “hijacked”. It has an inference that the other words you mentioned do not. ---
**Author:** ![Scoo8b](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scoo8b](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scoo8b)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/24 "2003-08-21T03:43:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Thrash \* > \*\*Yes I do on occasion. I think that it is too bad that the word queer has been “hijacked”. It has an inference that the other words you mentioned do not. \*\* One of my friends was telling me something once, and I said “How queer” just to expand my vocabulary a little bit, and they got pissed because they thought I was calling them or their story gay… ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/25 "2003-08-21T07:57:26Z")
A word is only offensive if you let it be. By refusing to be offended by a word, you are disarming your enemy. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ccd318/32.png) [@John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Kentzel-Griffin)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/26 "2003-08-21T09:30:43Z")
I rarely use the word queer, and I only use it when I am sure my audience is gay or gay-friendly. **Moderator’s Notes** This is becoming a debate. I’m going to move it to Great Debates. **DrMatrix** - GQ Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/27 "2003-08-21T10:57:10Z")
I wonder if the issue is more about being sensitive to the feelings of others or an exercise in power. Maybe a bit of both. Marc ---
**Author:** ![Thranduil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/57b2e6/32.png) [@Thranduil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thranduil)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/28 "2003-08-21T11:17:13Z")
As a straight guy, I find the term offensive. Many of my gay friends find it offensive. ---
**Author:** ![Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boo_Boo_Foo)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/29 "2003-08-21T11:20:51Z")
The word “fuck” is openly played on free to air TV down here in movies after 9pm at night. Commerical TV in Australia is by and large as conservative as it is in the USA - so as far as I’m concerned it’s ultimately a consensus thing, as well as a cultural thing. Certainly, the word “queer” is one which (as a youngster) I always used to use to describe something which wasn’t quite right - but I hasten to add that I always used it 100% of the time in it’s proper context - that is, to describe a phenomonon or aberration in the general scheme of things - and never in the context of one’s sexuality. Possibly that’s an Australian cultural thing. ---
**Author:** ![sghoul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@sghoul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sghoul)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/30 "2003-08-21T12:13:41Z")
I think this is an issue of WHO says it. A gay person calling another or themselves quess is mostly ok. A non-gay doing so would likely be met with scorn. Much like “Nigger”. The old skit that takes place in a diner, with all black folks, and one white guy. Each black guy is saying things like “Michael Jordan, that’s my nigger”, and they all laugh. But when the white guy says it, the whole joint get’s quiet. It seems that, withing a minority group, they are mostly allowed to use what would normally be deragitory terms, fairly freely. But if someone outside of that group uses it in the same context, that is a nono. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/31 "2003-08-21T12:25:43Z")
This is an example of the Insider/Outsider rule. A gay person can use the word, a straight shouldn’t unless very sure of the audience. /Homer Simpson voice/ And another thing? Where do you get off using the word “queer?” That use to be our word for guys like you. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/32 "2003-08-21T12:52:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by PeppermintPatty85 \* > \*\*But as someone who has been labeled a “fag hag”… \*\* My daughter prefers “fruit fly.” So many of her male friends are gay that the straight ones are the exceptions. Even her “we’re just friends” prom date turned out to be gay. My wife said, “That would explain why his mother seemed so hopefully pleased that they were going out.” ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Lawblaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Bob\_Lawblaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Lawblaw)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/33 "2003-08-21T13:25:50Z")
What is “intersex”? I’ve never heard that one before. ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/34 "2003-08-21T13:37:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dropzone \* > \*\*My daughter prefers “fruit fly.” So many of her male friends are gay that the straight ones are the exceptions. Even her “we’re just friends” prom date turned out to be gay. My wife said, “That would explain why his mother seemed so hopefully pleased that they were going out.” \*\* I’ve also heard the phrase “fairy princess”, which I find humorous. As for the word queer, I actually use it myself. There probably is a strong generational gap, just like all co-opted slang, but with a much stronger taboo amongst the older crowd because of its derogatory roots. Quite frankly, as long as you aren’t shouting it out the car window along with giving me the finger, you can call me whatever you like. Heck, I’ve labeled myself a faggot in the past. I _am_ one, after all, and not at all offended to be called one. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/35 "2003-08-21T14:08:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by PeppermintPatty85 \* > **For example Eminem gets away with a lot of Racist slurs because he does a lot of rap.** Not with me, he doesn’t. He’s still homophobic, misogynist trash. ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/36 "2003-08-21T14:19:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bob Lawblaw \* > \*\*What is “intersex”? I’ve never heard that one before. \*\* Intersex is a condition where you’re born with ambiguous genitalia and/or chromosomes. An older term would be “hermaphrodite”, but that implies having both sets in one body which isn’t always the case. ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Lawblaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Bob\_Lawblaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Lawblaw)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/37 "2003-08-21T14:30:37Z")
Thanks, Priam. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_griffin-kentzel/32/14787_2.png) [@Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Griffin-Kentzel)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/38 "2003-08-22T01:15:31Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **mojave66** _ > > My partner, who is older than me by about 10 years, loathes the term. She’s had it used against her on more than one occasion, and it still hurts. Using the word ‘queer’ to refer to homosexuals shows a lack of respect for people who find the term hurtful and offensive. ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/39 "2003-08-22T06:07:14Z")
Sigh. Eminem was creating a character Slim Shady. Slim Shady is the one who is a homophobic, mysogynistic, drug dealing trash, as Eve mentioned. That Shady is so compelling a character as anything literature and music has produced, some people think that Eminem is that way as well. For some reason rap is not allowed to create compelling bad-guy charaters through their songs, like the Man in Black, The Rolling Stone, Stagger Lee, or big Bad Leroy Brown, without being called upon for it, and I don’t think that it’s right. Sorry for the lowjack. Back to topic: I guess ‘queer’ hasn’t stopped be offensive to some. ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493/40 "2003-08-22T21:10:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Annie-Xmas \* > \*\*This is an example of the Insider/Outsider rule. A gay person can use the word, a straight shouldn’t unless very sure of the audience. > > /Homer Simpson voice/ And another thing? Where do you get off using the word “queer?” That use to be our word for guys like you. \*\* This has always been my belief as well. I always assumed it was like “nigger”, where the group to which the word refers uses it in a sort of tongue-in-cheek way in order to divest it of its hostile tone. But I never have thought it o.k. for straight people to use the word to refer to gay people, any more than it would be o.k. for a white person to use the word “nigger”. Frankly, I’m kind of surprised that most of the posters in this thread seem to have a different take on it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-did-queer-stop-being-offensive/196493.md?page=3)