# When do boys become Men ? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 11, 2009, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647 "2009-07-11T04:28:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/1 "2009-07-11T04:28:56Z")
A little preamble. **Liberal** made this [comment](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=11313137&postcount=26) > [@](#): > > I hate references to the “men and women” in our armed forces, for example. It’s become so overused that it sounds now like one word: mennenwomen. What’s wrong with just “people”? The people in our armed forces. He got me thinking. I recall decades ago before women were enlisted in the military that we refered to these people as men. Why? It seemed to me that we were bestowing an honour to boys, and let me tell you that many were really boys (I’m 58), in recognition of the awesome important and dangerous position they were in defending the nation. Today we do the same for the girls in the military. I can’t see us ever calling members of the military “people”. As a result of these thoughts, it occurs to me that the issue of when a boy really becomes a man gets very little attention these days, and I sort of wonder if this is a worthy question at all, but I’ll ask anyway. When does a boy become a man ? IMHO it is when he becomes able and willing to concern himself with the well being of others. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/2 "2009-07-11T04:36:24Z")
I was going to say that a boy becomes a man when he goes on his first snipe hunt. Let’s go with your answer though. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/3 "2009-07-11T04:52:07Z")
I will have trouble thinking of myself as a man until I have a job that pays all of my bills (and I’m paying my bills) and I’m living on my own. Even then, I’ll probably resist it. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/4 "2009-07-11T04:59:06Z")
When he becomes self-sufficient. As to the convention with regards to the language about the military, I think it’s just that the phrase, “men and women,” connotes a certain solemnity, maturity and even machismo that “people” or “folks” does not. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/5 "2009-07-11T05:17:11Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > When he becomes self-sufficient. I think it’s a combination of being self-sufficient and being able and willing to care about other people. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/6 "2009-07-11T07:49:22Z")
There is always “A boy becomes a MAN when he’s had his first sexual experience.” Sometimes this is followed by “A boy becomes a MAN when he’s ponied up child support for the next 18 years.” ---
**Author:** ![legalsnugs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/7 "2009-07-11T11:07:56Z")
To me, a boy becomes a man when he stops being the most important person in his life. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/8 "2009-07-11T12:30:01Z")
Traditionally the Inuit felt a person is an adult when they can survive on their own in the arctic wilds. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/9 "2009-07-11T12:30:41Z")
Incidentally, military types often refer to themselves as “people”; as in: “Let’s move it, people!” ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/10 "2009-07-11T12:48:24Z")
A person is an adult when he recognizes (and acts in accordance with) the notion that he is principally responsible for his own actions and well-being, and that he is responsible for meeting commitments that others reasonably expect of him. Such a person considers the effects of his actions beforehand, and if something bad may occur he either (1) abstains, or (2) deals with the outcome, accepting responsibility by fixing it as best he can. Any non-remote outcome that he won’t be equipped to fix if it goes wrong, well, that means an adult doesn’t take the chance. Even if it would be really, really fun to do so. Because that’s how men behave. He doesn’t expect anyone else to solve his own problems, in the infantile way many in our society seem to–in the absence of some catastrophic setback or disability, it’s nobody else’s problem to take care of him, unless that responsibility is willingly assumed (in the way that family members care for one another). If you are able to care for yourself, you do, and you mistrust anyone who suggests that it’s somebody else’s role (e.g., the government’s). And he assigns the utmost importance to his responsibilities to the people who count on him; letting somebody down who had a reasonable expectation for his support is a big deal to a man. Many, many people never reach this stage, regardless of age. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/11 "2009-07-11T15:54:28Z")
A boy becomes a man when he takes financial responsibility for his own maintenance, and/or in addition to taking ethical responsibility for his own actions. Not coincidentally, this is also when a girl becomes a woman. Some people anticipate and embrace this state of being. Some people arrive at it kicking and screaming when they run out of other options. Some people never get there. > [@legalsnugs](#): > > To me, a boy becomes a man when he stops being the most important person in his life. This is nonsense. By this standard, every 14 year old who will just die is s/he doesn’t get asked to the dance by the correct crush, or can’t make it through dinner without texting their BFF, is an adult. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/12 "2009-07-11T16:08:44Z")
I think a Boy becomes a man when he starts earning money to provide for himself or for himself and others. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/13 "2009-07-11T16:57:12Z")
Reminds me of an _I Love Lucy_ episode Ethel) But Lucy the ad says _ **girls** _ Lucy) Well if you divide the world up into boys and girls, we’re girls ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/14 "2009-07-11T17:05:38Z")
\Childhood’s over the moment you know you’re going to die\ ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/15 "2009-07-11T17:20:31Z")
Sadly, it’s only a matter of time before someone comes in here and starts bitching about how we’re dissing all the thirteen-year-olds in yarmulkes – and by extension an entire race – by not acknowledging that they are men. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/16 "2009-07-11T17:22:16Z")
Certainly self-sufficiency is a sufficient criterion, but is it a necessary one? Consider a single-income couple, for instance: The non-employed spouse isn’t exactly self-sufficient, and might never have been, but I don’t think I would have trouble calling that person an adult, in general. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/17 "2009-07-11T17:32:20Z")
> [@](#): > > What’s a man now > What’s a man mean > Is he rough or is he rugged > Cultural and clean? > … > Man makes a gun > Man goes to war > Man can kill and man can drink > And man can take a whore - Joe Jackson, from the song “Real Men” ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/18 "2009-07-11T17:35:49Z")
If you ask my girlfriend… NEVER! ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/19 "2009-07-11T17:55:33Z")
Some good answers here. My take? A boy becomes a man when he is no longer concerned with whether or not he is a man (for some people, this never happens.) ---
**Author:** ![Other\_Dreams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Other\_Dreams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Other_Dreams)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647/20 "2009-07-11T18:52:57Z")
Doesn’t matter. You die anyway, boy or man. \ ~S.P.I.~ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-do-boys-become-men/502647.md?page=2)