# When Dopers collide! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 5, 2002, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402 "2002-11-05T17:37:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/1 "2002-11-05T17:37:49Z")
Umm… strictly hypothetically, if one person is visiting another area and through happenstance gets hooked up socially with this _really great individual_, and that person identifies themselves in casual conversation as a member of the SDMB (how is not important), is the stealth Doper under some kind of moral or personal etiquette obligation to identify themselves as a Doper or not? - Especially if the stealth Doper has posted some personal stuff on the board they would rather the other Doper (or anyone else) not attach to them. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/2 "2002-11-05T17:42:03Z")
Quite the conundrum. I’d say it’d have to do with the individual case. One might mention casually that one is also a Doper; after all, just because it’s posted here doesn’t mean one has read it, what with all the threads laying about. Of course, if the person says something like, “Well, I don’t want to talk about that right now,” before one has mentioned one is a Doper, then one might want to hold off until the person opens up a little more to one. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/3 "2002-11-05T18:20:48Z")
oh **astro,** everyone already knows ALL about you, so your reputation is totally ruined no matter who you tell. (I am kidding here) ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/4 "2002-11-05T18:32:25Z")
Hey. It goes back to grade school. “You show me yours, I’ll show you mine.” The other person has gone out on a limb, it’s now up to you to match it. Besides, you’re talking about a _really great individual_, who, being really great, will understand the context of some of the things you posted and all will be forgiven. If, on the other hand, the person is a real doorknob, that’s an entirely different kettle of fish. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/5 "2002-11-05T20:08:44Z")
You are only obligated if they initiate and properly demonstrate the secret handshake. It’s just like the Freemasons and Illuminati in that regard, although the dues and organizational hierarchy are quite different… but I’ve already said too much. ---
**Author:** ![Morgainelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Morgainelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgainelf)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/6 "2002-11-05T21:26:07Z")
I’ve been in this situation. I say, “Oh, so am I. It’s a great group, isn’t it?” If they then answer with, “Really? I’m **ChickenofBristol** who are you?”, I tell them. If they look frightened and don’t mention their screen name, I drop it. ---
**Author:** ![Morgainelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Morgainelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgainelf)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/7 "2002-11-05T21:34:01Z")
Sorry, I realize I didn’t address your OP. I know a couple of people on this board IRL so I don’t post anything I wouldn’t say to their faces after a couple of beers. So I’m safe. If I’d posted super personal stuff that I didn’t want a potential new friend or romance to find out about until I was ready to tell, I might not be so open. Unfortunately, if the relationship grows the stealth doper will have to tell eventually, which could really suck. Probably the best thing would be to say, “I’m **ChickenofBristol** on the SDMB, but I’ve posted some stuff I’d rather my IRL friends not see. Would you mind not searching?” If the person is truly a _really great individual_ they will respect your, um I mean, the stealth doper’s wishes. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/8 "2002-11-05T21:41:55Z")
Well, to begin with I’d suggest not posting really personal stuff you don’t want people to know about in a forum available to a hundred million people to read. But maybe that’s just me. Having done so, however, you have every right to maintain your anonymity, or try to. ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/9 "2002-11-05T21:51:07Z")
Your Doper status will eventually be revealed—you will say something, quote someone or make this face .:eek: and Doper will wonder why Doper did not ID himself as same. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/10 "2002-11-05T22:32:11Z")
“So. Whatcha drinking?” “I dunno. You’re the local. Recommend me something.” “Okay. Try Brand X. It’s the best.” “Cite, please?” “Uh oh.” ---
**Author:** ![happyheathen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@happyheathen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyheathen)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/11 "2002-11-05T23:06:28Z")
Moral obligation: none. This is an anoymous board, you have a right to separate your Doper[sup]TM[/sup] persona from your reality. That’s what makes this a fun place. The fact that another Doper wishes to integrate their persona into their social lives creates no obligation on you. The “I’ll show you mine…” argument is specious - the nexus in that case is a pre-existing agreement - what the OP describes is analogous to a flasher. The flashee is under no obligation to respond in-kind. Personal obligation is determined by the person. Duh. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/12 "2002-11-05T23:11:17Z")
I agree with everything **happyheathen** said, except the “Duh.” ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/13 "2002-11-05T23:53:26Z")
Ya know, I just scanned this thread and realized one thing: I’ve been on this board for over 2 1/2 years, and I _still_ don’t even know the secret handshake yet. . . Tripler Hell, I don’t even have my SDMB magic Decoder ring. ---
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2002, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/14 "2002-11-06T00:41:03Z")
i’ve wondered if perhaps somehow you meet someone and start dating… neither of you mention you post here. you say things like… “i had a discussion with a group of friends about…” or “some one sent me this link to…” never mentioning the board by name… using seperate computers, so you never see what the other has listed as favourites, or accidentally seeing a user name. until one day you open up a thread … and x is ranting about this person they are dating… you think, "wow , that sounds really familiar… OMG!!! what do you do then?!? ---
**Author:** ![happyheathen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@happyheathen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyheathen)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2002, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/15 "2002-11-06T00:51:11Z")
Find someone else do date? ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2002, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/16 "2002-11-06T01:02:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tripler \* > I don’t even have my SDMB magic Decoder ring. So, you keep on posting that funny string of alphanumerics in your ‘location’ field in the hopes that one of us will decode it for you? Dream on. We’re not suckered in that easily. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2002, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/17 "2002-11-06T01:46:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RTFirefly \* > \*\*So, you keep on posting that funny string of alphanumerics in your ‘location’ field in the hopes that one of us will decode it for you? > > Dream on. We’re not suckered in that easily. 😉 \*\* Dang. I was hoping for a little help, 'cause _I_ sure as hell don’t know what they mean. 😃 Tripler That’s the last time I play _Drunken Scrabble_. . . ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2002, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-dopers-collide/135402/18 "2002-11-06T07:06:27Z")
**Cyn** ’s right, that cover is gonna get blown. Is it too late to point out that you(r friend) can reveal that they read the dope, without admitting to being a registered member? (IOW: Tell 'em you read the boards, but don’t tell 'em you’re **astro**.)