# When English Majors Go Bad **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 1, 1999, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-english-majors-go-bad/11598 "1999-12-01T05:44:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 1999, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-english-majors-go-bad/11598/1 "1999-12-01T05:44:00Z")
So there we were, in the chat room. A normal night, filled with laughter, zany hijinks, and a hell of a lot of talk about sex. So then we get off onto the topic of Shakespeare, and well, it just needs to be seen to be believed. He’s spinning in his grave, I know it… > [@](#): > > _Chef\_Troy_ I’m with Robin Williams…I want to see classically trained Shakespearean actors in skin flicks. _dramatic gesture_ “Elizabeth! I shall part you like the Red Sea.” > _Omniscien_ Hiya Cess > _Doobieous_ much ado about cunting > \*\*\* Omniscien sets mode: +o cessandra > _Falcon_ LOL Chef. > _Chef\_Troy_ Ewwww doob…that’s an ugly word. how about “a tale of two titties”? > _Doobieous_ lol > _Doobieous_ even better! > _Chef\_Troy_ Or “A midsummer Night’s Cream”? > _DstPuppy_ ROTFL > _Doobieous_ lol > _Falcon_ _snickering_ > \*\*\* DrainBead ([lmaia78@pool-209-138-153-122-ipls.grid.net](mailto:lmaia78@pool-209-138-153-122-ipls.grid.net)) has joined #straightdope > _Omniscien_ Good shower? > _Doobieous_ King Leering > _DrainBead_ Yeah, it was still nice and hot. > _Doobieous_ Hey drain! > _Chef\_Troy_ Maybe “King Leer,” about a voyeur who spies on his three daughters…ewwww! > _DstPuppy_ she was wet > _Doobieous_ Aha! > \*\*\* Omniscien sets mode: +o DrainBead > _DstPuppy_ na his brothers daughters 🙂 > \*\*\* Boli ([boli73@ABD681D9.ipt.aol.com](mailto:boli73@ABD681D9.ipt.aol.com)) has joined #straightdope > _Doobieous_ MacBreast > _DstPuppy_ hi boli > _Chef\_Troy_ Screw-me-oh and Julie-wet > _Boli_ hi all > \*\*\* Omniscien sets mode: +o Boli > _Jophiel_ Hey Boli > _Doobieous_ hi boli > _Chef\_Troy_ One play doesn’t have to be changed to be porn-worthy: “Love’s Labours Lost.” > _DrainBead_ Midget Porn: Much Ado About Nothing. > _Doobieous_ it might attract the wrong kind of audience 🙂 > _Chef\_Troy_ Gay porn: “Two Gentlemen of Verona.” > _DrainBead_ A Winter’s Tail. > _DrainBead_ (anal porn, of course) > > - Doobieous goes to get his book of Shakespeares plays 🙂 > _Chef\_Troy_ Tall Staff. (Starring John Holmes) > _Falcon_ Oh lord… > _Jophiel_ bbl > \*\*\* DrainBead changes topic to ‘The Bard is rolling in his grave…’ > \*\*\* Jophiel has quit IRC (Here’s where the story ends) > \*\*\* Retrieving #straightdope info… > _DrainBead_ The Merchant of Penis. > _Chef\_Troy_ Or that stirring tale of an orgy that lasted almost two weeks, “Twelfth Night.” > _Doobieous_ King Horny V > _DrainBead_ lol > _DrainBead_ Falcon, you ARE logging this, right? > _Doobieous_ heres another that shant be changed: As You Like It > _Falcon_ Oh of course! > _Chef\_Troy_ Richard III (dick to his friends IF you know what I mean… > _DrainBead_ Send me this portion… > _DstPuppy_ lol > _Falcon_ I log it all, Drain…and I will. > _Doobieous_ Julius Seize Her > _Chef\_Troy_ Augh! _holds nose and howls_ > - DrainBead howls with laughter > _Doobieous_ Othelo: The Whore of Venice > _Falcon_ _snort_ > _Chef\_Troy_ Ham’ll Let (you do him) > _Chef\_Troy_ Okay, that was reaching… > _Doobieous_ Merry Wives of Winds Whore > _Falcon_ Hmmm…another one that you probably wouldn’t have to change: The Tempest. > _Chef\_Troy_ the Tempest = The Hump-fest > _Doobieous_ lol > _DrainBead_ I suppose someone already came up with A Midsummer Night’s Wet Dream, right? > _Doobieous_ Coriol’s Anus > _Doobieous_ (Coriolanus) > _DrainBead_ Tie us and Drown us… > _Chef\_Troy_ Doob, you’re cheating! > _Doobieous_ Aww i’m sorry Chef! 🙂 > _DrainBead_ Titties Andronicus… > _DrainBead_ damn, this title’s a great one! > _Chef\_Troy_ Tight-ass Andronicus > _DrainBead_ lol > - Falcon dies with laughter > - Doobieous is having fun! > _DrainBead_ I’m in English major heaven! > _Doobieous_ And as the title says, the bard is rolling…no spinning in his grave > _Falcon_ Damn…wish I had known y’all when I took that Shakespeare class…would have made it MUCH more interesting. > _Chef\_Troy_ Here’s one that can stand on its own: Venus and Adonis. > _DrainBead_ Ditto! > _DrainBead_ I have to take another one, though, so I’ll remember this… > _Doobieous_ that’s a poem chef! 🙂 > _Doobieous_ aha The Rape of Lucrece > _DrainBead_ lol… > _DrainBead_ I was trying to think of her name… > _Doobieous_ hmm titles of his poems work well on their own > _Doobieous_ The Passionate Pilgrim > _Chef\_Troy_ Nobody said poems were inadmissible, or I would have mentioned that great John Wayne skin flick…Damn, Doob beat me to it. > _Doobieous_ aha Just messin witcha chef 🙂 > _Chef\_Troy_ All’s well that ends well can probably stand as it is… > _Doobieous_ and: A Lover’s Complaint > _DrainBead_ I’ll Swell in Ends Well? * * * “Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.” - George Carlin ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 1999, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-english-majors-go-bad/11598/2 "1999-12-01T14:38:00Z")
I forgot one last night: that backdoor classic, “In the Ass You Like It.” * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 1999, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-english-majors-go-bad/11598/3 "1999-12-01T15:36:00Z")
I am NEVER on when these antics ensue!! _pout_ * * * [Click here for some GOOD news for a change](http://www.binghamtonpress.com/binghamtonnews/local/Sanews5.html) [Zettecity](http://www.angelfire.com/ny3/zettecity/index.html) ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 1999, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-english-majors-go-bad/11598/4 "1999-12-01T16:35:00Z")
Zette - ya gotta stay up later! We get even WACKIER when we’re all tired, you know that! Damn, I just reread this, and now I’m snickering in my office…I hope no one asks why I’m laughing so hard. * * * “Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.” - George Carlin ---
**Author:** ![MadPoet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@MadPoet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadPoet)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 1999, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-english-majors-go-bad/11598/5 "1999-12-01T17:01:00Z")
Some italian porno company did a remake of Hamlet a few years back that is worth watching for the badly dubbed voices if nothing more. Unfortunatly the costs involved with renting castles and costumes means that not too many SCA pornos will be made. * * * [http://www.madpoet.com](http://www.madpoet.com) The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.