# When going on a date, bathing is recommended. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 12, 2003, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900 "2003-07-12T04:10:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/41 "2003-07-13T08:14:22Z")
First, Eva, my sympathy. I can’t say I’ve really run into the same with women, but…well detials are inappropriate. Regardless, yes, a bit of physical screening is wise. For all we want to dress up ourselves in other clothes, the (potential) bed partner does need to meet certain criteria. As to this: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > See, I can’t understand not bathing, either. If I don’t get a shower every 24 hours, I want to start climbing the walls-I can FEEL my hair getting clumpy and greasy (I have extremely oily, very fine hair, and it must be washed every night), and my skin just feels gross. Well, having gone off into the Sahara for ‘treks’ and the like I can say that after a while one does get used to being fairly unclean. Acclimatization. One gets used to smells. Over here among the ‘unwashed masses’ for reasons of water scarcity, bathing is relatively … rarer? I mean by American standards. One gets used to it - of course there is a difference between rankness and … for lack of a better term, bounded cleanliness. ---
**Author:** ![Ooner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/c67d28/32.png) [@Ooner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ooner)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/42 "2003-07-13T10:59:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Morrigoon \* > \*\*[snip] AND doesn’t seem to understand how disgusting it is to watch someone put drops in their eyes in public (which he does frequently due to his contacts drying out). \*\* Um, I put eyedrops in for my contacts all the time, and would do so on a date in a second. **Maybe** I’d excuse myself to a bathroom or something… maybe not. It’s far better than me rubbing my eyes and blinking and squinting like crazy at you all night. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/43 "2003-07-13T13:02:35Z")
Oh, \*\*Collounsbury, \*\* it’s just that it was so disappointing…he seemed so nice on the phone, and I was so looking forward to telling my mom that I was dating a nice Iraqi lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/44 "2003-07-13T13:08:33Z")
The problem with those people is that nobody tells them directly and so, they go on doing the same thing and not knowing why people run away from them. Same thing about bad breath. There ought to be government programs to reinsert people like this into civilised society. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/45 "2003-07-13T13:29:17Z")
I had a coworker years ago who had terrible personal hygiene. The boss had even talked to him about it. Gifts of soap and shampoo on his desk left him perplexed. He did get married a few years later - I wonder if she cleaned him up of just liked funky odors? ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/46 "2003-07-13T14:03:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eva Luna \* > \*\*Oh, \*\*Collounsbury, \*\* it’s just that it was so disappointing…he seemed so nice on the phone, and I was so looking forward to telling my mom that I was dating a nice Iraqi lawyer. \*\* _Iraqi_ lawyer? It is possible that Iraqis have a different idea of hygiene that Americans? I’ve noticed people from other countries have different tolerances for body odors. Perhaps he showered but didn’t put on deodorant? ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/47 "2003-07-13T14:17:54Z")
OK, he was only half-Iraqi, and was raised almost entirely in the U.S., only a few miles away from where I was. This was not a question of differing cultural standards. And besides, even if he showered but didn’t use deodorant, he would not have reeked like that. I’ve lived in places with ummm, differing standards of personal hygiene, and spent most of my career working with immigrants (see above comments re: Leningrad bus), and believe me, this was OLD sweat. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/48 "2003-07-13T14:24:17Z")
Okay, then. You also mentioned he hadn’t shaved and had a dirty shirt. Only Brad Pitt can pull off the stubble look. And even he can’t do it all the time. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/49 "2003-07-13T14:59:27Z")
\>\> And besides, even if he showered but didn’t use deodorant, he would not have reeked like that. Water and soap is all that is needed for good hygiene. Even fresh sweat can be OK and even sexy. It is aged and fermented sweat thriving with bacteria which reeks. ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/50 "2003-07-13T15:26:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Morrigoon \* > \*\*I have a friend who’s guilty of all of the above - and he’s out there on the internet, folks. We, his friends, have to ask him to shower for us. This guy gets REALLY ripe in just a day, AND likes to rewear clothes, AND has nasty teeth, AND forms bubbles at the corners of his mouth when he talks, AND doesn’t seem to understand how disgusting it is to watch someone put drops in their eyes in public (which he does frequently due to his contacts drying out). This thread is cracking me up because, aside from the guy who opened the door in only a towel, you could all be talking about my friend, LOL. Oh wait, it really isn’t that funny, is it? \*\* I had no idea it was disgusting to watch someone put drops in their eyes. While I don’t do it constantly, I’ve never minded rewetting my contacts in front of anyone and I’ve never minded anyone else doing it. I work with a guy who fits this description except for the bubbles at the corner of his mouth. It’s fun, lemme tell ya, and to make things even better he spends huge amounts of time talking close to the communal phone. One day someone finally snapped and cleaned it off with rubbing alcohol. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/51 "2003-07-13T15:39:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Major Kong \* > \*\*Eva Luna, you sound too… What he was dirty? You should have left as soon as you showed up. \*\* Hell, she should have left BEFORE she showed up! That’d show him! ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/52 "2003-07-13T15:50:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eva Luna \* > \*\*5) I’m not attracted to him, to put it mildly; I’m not one of those elitist chicks who only dates GQ-type guys, but I found him physically repulsive. Sorry, but I don’t see the point in dating someone if the thought of him touching me makes me want to puke. > > OK, call me shallow, but 4 of those 5 items were pretty much entirely under his control, so either he is’t well-socialized enough to realize that other people appreciate hygiene in their social interactions, or he didn’t care. > > I thought finding a guy with brains and similar interests was the hard part, but apparently there’s a whole other layer of questions I should be asking first. ICK! \*\* Out of curiosity, I assume #5 is the thing out of his control. Physical appearance often is. Now, if #5 was the only thing wrong with him, would you have walked out? (I’m only asking for curiosity, not as a criticism) And if so, what could’ve changed your mind? You seemed attracted to his ‘brains and similar interrests’, so would appearance have been a deal-breaker for you, assuming all the other qualifications had been ‘cleared up’? ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/53 "2003-07-13T17:04:26Z")
It would be my guess that the physical lack of attraction could certainly be swayed by all the other factors involved. Someone who impresses you in every other way tends to look more attractive to you. Someone who shows up late and reeks to high heaven would, sensically, appear less attractive. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/54 "2003-07-13T17:06:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ArrrMatey \* > \*\*if #5 was the only thing wrong with him, would you have walked out? \*\* I didn’t walk out, even given #1-5, so I’m certainly polite enough not to walk out if #5 had been the only issue. I spent 3 hours with this guy politely conversing, even after he gave me waaaay TMI about his family and a number of other things. But yes, if I’m not physically attracted to a guy, I don’t see the point in continuing to explore the possibility of a romantic relationship with him. And even if is physical apearance had made me drool with unbridled hormonal lust, any one of #1-4 might have been a dealbreaker. The total package is the important thing; I’ve dated guys, for multiple-year periods, who were not my physical ideal because the total package added up (or at least I thought it did at the time). Anyone who’s met both me and my most recent long-term ex is astonished that I wasn’t more demanding in the looks department. But at least he bathed regularly. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/55 "2003-07-13T17:11:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Evil Captor \* > \*\*Hell, she should have left BEFORE she showed up! > > That’d show him! \*\* Back in my dating days, some people actually did that - they would cruise past the meeting place, check out the potential date, and just not show up if they didn’t like what they saw. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/56 "2003-07-14T11:41:56Z")
What the fuck happened to [gentlehints.com](http://gentlehints.com) and [mayisuggest.com](http://mayisuggest.com)? I can’t find either of them! Also wanted to mention that anti-perspirant is the way to go. Not deodorant. What good is it to deodorize after the fact? ---
**Author:** ![Janie\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/13edae/32.png) [@Janie\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Janie_Jones)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/57 "2003-07-14T14:02:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eva Luna \* > \*\*Anyone who’s met both me and my most recent long-term ex is astonished that I wasn’t more demanding in the looks department. But at least he bathed regularly. \*\* You were in a relationship with a _bather_. And you let him go? How does that old song go? “You don’t know what you’ve got 'till it’s gone” ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/58 "2003-07-14T14:28:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Janie Jones \* > \*\*You were in a relationship with a _bather_. And you let him go? > > How does that old song go? > > “You don’t know what you’ve got 'till it’s gone” \*\* Well, I did know what I had (he was a massage therapist, for chrissakes! It wasn’t easy to let that go). Unfortunately, the bather also turned out to be a lying, self-centered, manipulative, cheating, remorseless, emotionally unavailable scumbag, so eventually I drew the line. ---
**Author:** ![lauramarlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a5b964/32.png) [@lauramarlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lauramarlane)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/59 "2003-07-14T14:32:39Z")
Yeah, but were the massages good? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900/60 "2003-07-14T14:37:41Z")
When he deigned to grace me with them, yes, excellent massages. He was a pro with 20 years of experience, and he knew what the hell he was doing. However, it really took the fun out of it when a) I ended up giving him more massages than he gave me, because once he started he would while about how much his elbows hurt (invariably after he’d already had his turn), and b) he treated it like an annoying obligation rather than a joyful and quite even exchange between people who are supposed to care about each other. Have you ever seen the _Seinfeld_ episode where Jerry was dating a massage therapist? It was exactly like that. I was rolling on the floor during that episode! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-going-on-a-date-bathing-is-recommended/187900.md?page=4)