# When good ESL goes bad -- but funny **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 29, 2006, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-good-esl-goes-bad-but-funny/362577 "2006-06-29T01:12:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-good-esl-goes-bad-but-funny/362577/21 "2006-06-30T12:20:18Z")
Years ago, I heard the story about a family who had a Spanish _au pair_ who was admirable in every way except that whenever she cooked boiled eggs, she always peeled the shells off before bringing them to the table - whereas the family liked to eat them out of the shell with a teaspoon (doesn’t everyone?). So the man of the family armed himself with a Spanish dictionary and tried to work out how to say “Don’t peel the eggs in the kitchen”. When he tried it out, the _au pair_ turned bright red, slapped his face and ran off. …Later he found out that he had said “Do not undress in the kitchen, you egg!”. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-good-esl-goes-bad-but-funny/362577/22 "2006-06-30T13:01:01Z")
I was talking to an Argentinian man who was sporting a 4-day growth of beard at a party: “Is it fashionable to go without shaving?” “I don’t like to shave because I have sensible skin.” In 1990, I met a German woman on a train in Italy who asked me what Americans think of golf. I don’t play, but I did my best to talk about it. She politely let me go on for a few minutes, then finally said, “I mean the golf war.” Golf is German for gulf, and at the time we were at war over the invasion of Kuwait. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-good-esl-goes-bad-but-funny/362577/23 "2006-06-30T13:04:53Z")
> [@LiveOnAPlane](#): > > Ah, too bad the OP’s topic restricts us to funny things in English. > > There’s this story I could tell of an American friend of ours who went to Japan and…oh, well. Go ahead, tell it. A former teacher of mine was in a Montreal restaurant, and wanted to speak to the waitress in a real 'Merkin accent. In his most cliched Southern drawl, he said “Mercy bow cue.” She looked at him really funny. What he said was “Thank you, beautiful ass.” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-good-esl-goes-bad-but-funny/362577/24 "2006-06-30T13:07:18Z")
> [@RSSchen](#): > > This has lots of opportunities for fun. > > _BUMP_ Thanks you berry welcome, by the weigh. I thought this might be a good topic. ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Machine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Ice\_Machine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Machine)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-good-esl-goes-bad-but-funny/362577/25 "2006-06-30T13:35:40Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > OK, I know what you’re talking about because _hacer_ in Spanish is similar. But how does “I like to make children!” make any more sense? I don’t remember the specifics of why he said it this way but he was saying in a roundabout way that he liked to have sex. ---
**Author:** ![Lama\_Pacos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Lama\_Pacos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lama_Pacos)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-good-esl-goes-bad-but-funny/362577/26 "2006-06-30T14:54:56Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > I dated an Argentinean guy for awhile whose English was perfect, except when angry. He was a chef, having problems with the other chefs at his restaurant, and was planning on quitting and starting his own catering business. He angrily exclaimed, “I’m going to kiss their ass goodbye!” Isn’t this an actual English idiom? ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-good-esl-goes-bad-but-funny/362577/27 "2006-06-30T14:56:00Z")
Uh, I think what he _meant_ to say was, “They can kiss my ass goodbye.” ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-good-esl-goes-bad-but-funny/362577/28 "2006-06-30T15:40:31Z")
My college French professor told us a story about his first trip to France. He mistakenly asked his hosts if he could put his mistress on the floor, when he intended to ask if he could put his mattress on the floor. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-good-esl-goes-bad-but-funny/362577/29 "2006-06-30T15:48:45Z")
Many years ago, I dated a girl whose parents came from Spain. All their kids were born and raised in Canada and spoke perfect English (and, needless to say, perfect Spanish), but the parents’ English wasn’t quite as good as the kids’. Spanish was the language of the home though, so it didn’t really matter. There was one rule however: When any English speaking friend was over, all would speak English. I was once invited to my girlfriend’s home for Christmas dinner. It was a great meal, and the conversation around the table (in English because I was there) was fun and lively. At one point, my girlfriend’s brother, who was home from university for the holidays, told us all about how he and some friends made the rounds of the pubs and bars in his college town. They drank a lot of beers and plenty of shooters too–B-52’s, Slow Comfortable Screws, Blowjobs, and the like. Their bar tab was huge, apparently. Brother’s story ultimately centered around something funny that a friend of his did while drunk, and was pretty good as I recall. A few minutes later, Brother mentioned that after the holidays, he would need some money for books for the next school term, as well as some cash for other needs, and could Mamacita and Papacito possibly give him X dollars for when he returned to school? They agreed, but Mamacita remembered his drinking story and its expensive tab, and added, “You know why you have no money? Because you spend it all on Blowjobs!” Well, we all cracked up. Poor Mamacita had no idea what she had just said to elicit such a response. My girlfriend explained it to her, though, and while Mamacita blushed, she had a pretty good laugh too. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2006, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-good-esl-goes-bad-but-funny/362577/30 "2006-06-30T17:01:10Z")
> [@Lama Pacos](#): > > Isn’t this an actual English idiom? What he did was confuse; kiss my ass, they can kiss their (own) asses goodbye, and general ass kissing which means more or less sucking up to impress someone, or garner favors, etc. We have so many colorful ways an ass can be kissed in English, it’s an understandable, and cute, mistake. AFAIK, you never kiss someone else’s ass goodbye, unless you’re speaking of their donkey, and you were quite fond of it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-good-esl-goes-bad-but-funny/362577.md?page=1)