# When guy mentions his girlfriend or wife in the conversation ..............? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 3, 2015, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668 "2015-04-03T00:27:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2016, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/41 "2016-07-27T01:15:02Z")
> [@kathysw6](#): > > I’m wondering why older men manage to mention their wives in an initial casual conversation. It makes me feel like they think I’m flirting with them (I’m not). Are they so not used to a female talking to them that they don’t know what to say? I’m older myself and this has happened even in a hardware store when I’ve asked the employee about a metal window lock. I don’t understand why they feel this is necessary. I’ll simply repeat [Post #3.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=18259392&postcount=3) ---
**Author:** ![HeXen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@HeXen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeXen)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2016, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/42 "2016-07-27T01:29:06Z")
If I need to mention my wife as part of the conversation then I do so. If not then I don’t. Why would anyone mention any particular thing if it is not directly in correlation to the conversation? No one just suddenly mentions the apple in their lunchbox while talking about politics or whatever else other than food related right? If you’re worried about someone getting wrong ideas (how conceited of you), then why not just wait and see if they flirt with you and if they do just simply not flirt back or just tell them you are married if their flirtation is more like hitting on you. Plus too many people take everything as flirting…a smile and friendly conversation is not really flirting. Also many people have very social personalities and their intentions can be completely mistaken just by the fact that they enjoy meeting new people and enjoy talking…etc without necessarily being attacted to them. To further, studies have shown that humans are very poor receivers of flirtatiousness.It’s an agreed upon fact among academics that men over perceive women’s sexual intent to make sure they’re not missing out on any mating opportunities. Survival of the fittest sometimes privileges the ego. ---
**Author:** ![LC\_Strawhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2016, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/43 "2016-07-27T02:17:26Z")
Ugh, women do this around me all… the… time… they make repeated unnecessary references to “my HUSBAND” (complete with a glare and slightly raised voice just to make sure I got the message not to bother hitting on them or whatever) when all I’m trying to do is have a professional conversation and then go on my way. It’s damn annoying. ---
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2016, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/44 "2016-07-27T02:19:40Z")
> [@seal\_cleaner](#): > > I wear a wedding ring, should take care of any misunderstanding. My first thought as well. But I would think anyway mentioning one’s spouse depends more on generally chattiness than signalling you don’t (or do, people on the thread don’t seem to be sure what it means in that regard…) want to have some kind of romantic relationship. I don’t really talk to people who I don’t know and don’t need to like me, though I’ll politely go along if they insist, and would answer if they ask about my wife. She’s at the center of my life, but no particular reason to talk about her to strangers. At work I’d talk mainly about work, or anodyne topics like sports or entertainment, not my family, except to people who happened to be actual friends. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2016, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/45 "2016-07-27T03:05:35Z")
> [@LC\_Strawhouse](#): > > Ugh, women do this around me all… the… time… they make repeated unnecessary references to “my HUSBAND” (complete with a glare and slightly raised voice just to make sure I got the message not to bother hitting on them or whatever) when all I’m trying to do is have a professional conversation and then go on my way. It’s damn annoying. I’ve noticed newlywed women do this, since having snagged a mate looms large in their lives. It’s annoying, but I understand it. I, too, find myself saying ‘my husband says this, my husband says that, my husband did this or that.’ Simply because I don’t have a huge network of jolly friends and relatives, it’s just me and the old man now. And if I have to mention ‘my husband’ too often, I’m not trying to deflect flirtation or brag I got me a may-un, or am enamored of him to a ridiculous extent. He’s all I got. ---
**Author:** ![iljitsch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/77aa72/32.png) [@iljitsch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iljitsch)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2016, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/46 "2016-07-27T08:32:17Z")
To summarize: yes, sometimes people mention a significant other as a means to avoid being hit on, but often they do it for different reasons. Which is exactly why it works in situation #1 because there is no implication that the other person was hitting on them, unlike saying “before you continue, please know that I don’t find you attractive”. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2016, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/47 "2016-07-27T14:49:31Z")
> [@iljitsch](#): > > To summarize: yes, sometimes people mention a significant other as a means to avoid being hit on, but often they do it for different reasons. Yes. 90% of the time when I mention my husband it’s because he exists in my life and is important to me. It’s no different than mentioning your children. 10% of the time it’s because I sense some degree of sexual tension (even if it’s just on my side) and don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea. Sometimes in platonic relationships where there’s mutual attraction, talking about your spouse can cut the tension a lot. As far as I know there’s no meaningful difference in my tone or style when I say it for either reason. When someone mention their own spouse I assume it falls into the first category because it’s the most statistically probable with regard to my own behavior. [QUOTE=Aquadementia] And if they talk about the Marvel Cinematic Universe it doesn’t matter. [/QUOTE] Oh, it matters. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2016, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/48 "2016-07-27T15:14:18Z")
For a long time it’s been to say “I’m not some creepy old man hitting on you”. Occasionally I have meant “Stop hitting on me”, I wish I had the need to do that more often, or way back when had the opportunity but not the need. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2016, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/49 "2016-07-27T15:17:37Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > For a long time it’s been to say “I’m not some creepy old man hitting on you”. Occasionally I have meant “Stop hitting on me”, I wish I had the need to do that more often, or way back when had the opportunity but not the need. I have a friend in his 60s that gets hit on by girls on the internet. His response is always invariably, "I’m old, fat and ugly.‘’ ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2016, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/50 "2016-07-27T16:11:12Z")
This is an interesting conversation It reminds me that I was talking with my fiancee the other day… ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2016, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/51 "2016-07-27T16:22:21Z")
Letting people know out relationship status isn’t just to let you know not to flirt. It als lets you know this person is not in the market and will not likley think you are flirting with them. It removes sexual tension on both sides. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2016, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/52 "2016-07-27T16:38:35Z")
I’ll mention my wife, not because I think a woman might flirt with me, but so the woman doesn’t think I’m creeping on her. It’s just a way to be clear that I’m being friendly, not a lech. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2016, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/53 "2016-07-28T08:21:50Z")
I honestly don’t get a lot of flirting, or I don’t recognize it as such. So when I do notice it, it’s pretty blatantly unmistakeable. When the woman starts to say or write stuff like “I never met anyone else who knows about XYZ. Is there anything you don’t know about”, I say, “Truth be told, we’re _all_ like that on the SDMB, but actually it was my wife who first introduced me to XYZ.” ---
**Author:** ![notquitekarpov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@notquitekarpov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notquitekarpov)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2016, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/54 "2016-07-28T09:12:58Z")
> [@48Willys](#): > > I do not know about other folks, but when I mention my wife, it is because she is a large part of my life, she just comes up in conversations. Much of my live revolves around her. > > My wife tells me that other ladies are interested in me. I am so dense in this area, that I never notice this happening. So, no, I do not mention her because I think that you-all want to “hook up”. She & her activities are just some of my favorite subjects. > > The few times it has been brought to my attention that some woman is seriously flirting with me, then I do bring my wife into the conversation. This is very rare. I think this has happened twice in the last 30 years. > > IHTH, 48. This is me. Exactly. She’s a major part of my life so she is going to come up in passing in many personal conversations. I also have no idea who may be flirting with me and who may not - so I would never be able to use it defensively. Men are very straightforward generally and are not very subtle. I think you may be reading too much into this . There may be exceptions of course where you are right to note the syntax and circumstances when it comes up but generally? No. ---
**Author:** ![Hermitian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hermitian/32/470_2.png) [@Hermitian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hermitian)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2016, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/55 "2016-07-28T14:18:20Z")
> [@iljitsch](#): > > To summarize: yes, sometimes people mention a significant other as a means to avoid being hit on, but often they do it for different reasons. > > Which is exactly why it works in situation #1 because there is no implication that the other person was hitting on them, unlike saying “before you continue, please know that I don’t find you attractive”. I am more likely to mention my wife to someone that I find attractive. My base assumption is that they get hit on a lot (because they are attractive). I am letting them know that I am not trying to do that. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2016, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/56 "2016-07-28T16:20:35Z")
I mention my wife frequently in casual conversation because, outside of work, she’s involved with pretty much the rest of my life. I was just talking to a co-worker (we’re both male) about phones and I mentioned that my wife would not approve of me upgrading mine. It’s not because I thought he was going to hit on me, it’s because that’s why I have the crappy phone we were talking about. If it had been a female co-worker I would have said the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2016, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/57 "2016-07-28T16:55:50Z")
> [@kathysw6](#): > > I’m wondering why older men manage to mention their wives in an initial casual conversation. It makes me feel like they think I’m flirting with them (I’m not). Are they so not used to a female talking to them that they don’t know what to say? I’m older myself and this has happened even in a hardware store when I’ve asked the employee about a metal window lock. I don’t understand why they feel this is necessary. As previously stated, they probably “don’t feel it’s necessary” in the overwhelming majority of cases. They just mention her because she’s involved in most of the anecdotes that came to their mind. Plenty of men mention their partners in casual conversation with me too, and I’m a straight male, so presumably they don’t do it because they think I’m hitting on them. And similarly some people are very private and never talk about their families, their personal issues, etc…And again, it’s not because they’re hitting on me and want to keep their marital status a secret. You’re overthinking it. Even though sometimes people slip in a “my wife/gf” in order to clarify that there’s no flirting involved, that would be the exception rather than the norm. And even in this case, I suspect, as the several posters mentioned, that it’s more often a way to say “I’m not hitting on you” than to say “don’t flirt with me, I’m not available”. ---
**Author:** ![48Willys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/db5fbb/32.png) [@48Willys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/48Willys)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2016, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/58 "2016-07-29T22:45:57Z")
> [@seal\_cleaner](#): > > I wear a wedding ring, should take care of any misunderstanding. And I’m quite a catch, according to my wife. > > Edit: I guess she has to say that, otherwise she looks like she settled. Like many folks who work with machinery, I do not wear a ring, as I do not want to literally rip that finger off of my hand. I have three friends that have had that experience & none of them recommend it.🙂 As for the catch comment, my wife also says that, about me, not you! I do not think that she has ever settled for anything. She may be delusional about me, but she does not settle. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2016, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/59 "2016-07-30T09:15:47Z")
Recently on the long distance bus to Taipei, a woman and I hit it off talking about various things. It was a little strange because I’m not that used to making female friends on the bus, so we were both talking about our spouses just to be clear about it all. We’ve gotten together with both families now and it looks like we’ll become good friends. ---
**Author:** ![DrForrester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@DrForrester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrForrester)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2016, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668/60 "2016-07-30T14:03:51Z")
Sometimes, people talk about their children. Sometimes, they don’t. Same with spouses. Same with pets. Some people, I have worked with two, do not start conversations. They’ll sit in the same room with you for 12 hrs. But, if you don’t say anything, nothing will be said. For myself, I rarely talk with coworkers about anything but business unless asked. This might be because of my religious views & how off-putting they can be to some. (I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.) But, mostly, I just don’t see it as anyone’s business how my weekend was or what fun things my children did on their Summer vacation. If asked, I always oblige. But, I won’t ever ask why you look a little down today or why you want next Thursday off work. If you volunteer the information, I always try to be friendly. But, I see it as “your business” until you decide that it’s not. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-guy-mentions-his-girlfriend-or-wife-in-the-conversation/716668.md?page=2)