# When Harry met Sally. Possible in real life? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 30, 2000, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168 "2000-04-30T14:00:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![single\_files](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@single\_files](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/single_files)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2000, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/1 "2000-04-30T14:00:09Z")
About a month ago, I had a blind date with a guy who is very easy to get along with. We have a lot in common and can talk for hours on end. I genuinely like this guy, but there is no physical attraction. (At least on my part) I am trying to turn him into a friend, because if he was female, that would happen naturally. My male friends tell me it can’t be done. They tell me that men will always want more than friendship, although these same male friends have been just that for at least two years and they are still talking to me. So… men out there … do you have female friends? Are they buddies, or is sex always in the back of your head somewhere? I am going fishing with this guy today, and I’ll let you know how it goes. ---
**Author:** ![Dystopos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e79b87/32.png) [@Dystopos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dystopos)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2000, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/2 "2000-04-30T14:16:16Z")
He is undoubtedly hoping for more than friendship, but he can probably get over it. I bet he’s hoping for a multi-million dollar lottery prize too, but he’s not going to sacrifice his whole paycheck to buy tickets. My nature seems to put me in the friend position before I’m comfortable wanting more. In some cases I don’t realize how attractive someone is until the joy of friendship has turned my mind around the subject. This is frustrating on a meta-level of unfortunate recurrences, but I have some truly wonderful friends whom I have been very attracted to. I guess not being the sort for lustful ambition has helped that to happen. Sex is always in the back of the mind of any man, so far as I know. If you can’t be a romantic partner for this great guy, do give him the chance to show you what kind of friend he can be - even if the news takes some time to sink in. He might always have a tingling for you, but I think there’s a good chance he’s wise enough to know that the value of a good friend is much higher than a bitter ex and be able to act accordingly. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2000, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/3 "2000-04-30T17:29:05Z")
I always assumed that was a crock. I seriously doubt any of the guys I’ve had as friends wanted to sleep with me. If they did why didn’t they say so? Maybe I felt the same way! Weird. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2000, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/4 "2000-04-30T17:33:56Z")
I’m going to try to move this thread to MPSIMS. If I fail, I’m going to lock it up and ask **single files** to re-ask the question in the appropriate forum. ---
**Author:** ![Lance\_Turbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lance_turbo/32/6156_2.png) [@Lance\_Turbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lance_Turbo)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2000, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/5 "2000-04-30T17:35:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > We have a lot in common and can talk for hours on end.\*\* I’m cynical, but I think the reason this guy talks to you for hours on end is that he thinks that will get him a little action. The only way a man and woman can be friends is if they both want to be just friends. You are not going to “turn him into a friend.” Be honest with him about your feelings, but don’t be surprized if this causes you to to grow apart. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2000, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/6 "2000-05-02T21:01:39Z")
This September, my friend Alexandra and I have our 20th Anniversary. Never a double entendre betwixt us. The whole schmeg so far, marriages divorces, abortions, affairs, work, play, trips- all that we have had in our separate lives, we bring to the friendship. But, I have zero ZERO interest in her as a lover. Why would I want to fuck up such a cool friendship\>??? I know she feels the same way, we’ve joked about it. ``` You can sleep with a virtual stranger, and move on. You cannot have an enduring close friendship with a virtual stranger. I'd take the friendship in a heartbeat. ``` Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![Osip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4491bb/32.png) [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2000, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/7 "2000-05-02T23:31:04Z")
Yes I have such a friend, with many of the same qualities. Yes I would love to have more than a friendship with her. Yet, sex is not always at the back of my mind. I consider a strong friendship the main thing in a serious realtionship. Sex does come in a close second. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/8 "2000-05-03T00:24:29Z")
When a man meets a woman he is not related to, but who is in the same age/social/interests/[fill in the blank] range, he **always** makes a quick assessment about the likelihood of having sex with that woman. It is the degree of attraction (mostly physical, but also mentally) that determines whether this assessment is even noticable to the man, or whether it is performed on a more subconscious level. It’s only logical. Our main goal, from ancient times, has always been: survival. Procreation is obviously a large part of that. Don’t take my word for it, it is a valued scientific theory as well. Although it’s 2:30 am here and I can’t be bothered to look up a link. ---
**Author:** ![lswote](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lswote/32/5737_2.png) [@lswote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lswote)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/9 "2000-05-03T00:26:09Z")
I think this question was answered in the sequel to “When Harry Met Sally”, “My Best Friend’s Wedding”. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/10 "2000-05-03T00:44:09Z")
This is why the majority of my male friends are gay. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/11 "2000-05-03T03:45:32Z")
Just because one thinks about sex with someone else (or thinks of her sexually) doesn’t mean that it is the core truth of your feelings about her or how you relate to her. Heck, I entertain at least a mild degree of sexual contemplation towards virtually every female betwixt 9 and 90, so the presence of such thoughts hardly defines the relationship as different from a couple zillion others. And in most cases, it in no way implies a real interest in acting out on it. (Probably a good thing, since my Mom and my sister aren’t particularly Appalachian in demeanor). Women make good companions, good friends. Men theoretically could too, and sometimes do, but I’ve generally found women to be better company. That they are also cute and fun to look at, that their appearance stimulates sexual contemplation, can be an added pleasantry, but mainly it is irrelevant. I can’t believe you’re [the OP] actually asking if it is **possible**! “Heterosociality: Social Phenomenon, or Urban Legend?” ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/12 "2000-05-03T12:13:28Z")
I agree with Ahunter3. I’ve had a least 1 sexual fantasy about every attractive woman I have ever met. Nature of the beast, I suppose. But I realize that most fanatsies are best left as fantasies. I do not want to sleep with every woman I meet, even though the thought may occur to me. I’ve had a close friendship with an attractive woman for over 12 years. There has never been anything sexual between us and I haven’t wanted anything like that to develop. All it would do is ruin the friendship. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/13 "2000-05-03T14:27:03Z")
I have several close, delightful, platonic relationships with both heterosexual men, and with gay women. No problems. Of course, it COULD be that I simply have no sex appeal whatsoever . . . ---
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/14 "2000-05-03T14:44:40Z")
One of my best friends is a guy. We’ve been friends for 7 1/2 years and have never been anything more than friends. He was attracted to me when we first met and wanted to have sex with me for the first 3 years we were friends but it never happened. He thinks of me more like a sister now! I think it’s true that a guy will hang out and talk with you and be your buddy because he thinks he’s gonna get some. If you tell him that it’s never gonna happen, he’ll be gone within a week. I like having a guy for my best friend because it gives me a male point of view on things. Terrance and I talk about everything… and I mean **everything**!! Sex, love, relationships, weather, what’s for dinner, t.v., movies, etc., etc. The only bad thing about being close friends with a member of the opposite sex is that sometimes the person you’re dating will be a little jealous because of your relationship with the other person. Hopefully you’ll never be asked to choose… the lover or the friend. Usually it’s the lover that wins and then when the relationship ends, the person goes back to their friend. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/15 "2000-05-03T14:57:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > One of my best friends is a guy. We’ve been friends for 7 1/2 years and have never been anything more than friends. He was attracted to me when we first met and wanted to have sex with me for the first 3 years we were friends but it never happened. He thinks of me more like a sister now! > \*\* I will bet you this shiny quarter I have in my hand that if you flashed that smile at him, and said “let’s go”, he would be on you like white on rice. Men have the ability to throw years of denial out the window at a moment’s notice. ---
**Author:** ![lswote](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lswote/32/5737_2.png) [@lswote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lswote)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/16 "2000-05-03T14:58:01Z")
I value friendship and even in serious relationship I would want it to be based in a large degree on friendship and mutual trust. But quite frankly, if I am friends with a woman and I don’t see the possibility of it growing into a relationship with red-hot passion on a regular basis, with lots of steamy sex, then I will not really want to spend a lot of time with that woman unless there is no one else to hang out with. I think people have very differing degrees of importance attached sex in a relationship, and I am one that puts it at a premium. Perhaps it is men like me where the Harry Met Sally stereotype is true. I have women friends that I am close with, but they are all past girlfriends and only when we are past the sex thing and I am sure that it isn’t going to work as a couple can I really be friends with her without sexual tension affecting the relationship. I couldn’t be close to a women that the sexual side of the relationship has not been explored. The sex thing would always get in the way of the friend thing. Now I am speaking strictly of close friendships. With casual friendships I am able to be friends in a positive way without it being sexual in nature. But on the other hand, it is usually in the back of my mind that I would like to bang the woman. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/17 "2000-05-03T15:03:46Z")
Rachelle, I can only repeat what Mr. Cynical said. However, I’ll bet you my _car_. ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/18 "2000-05-03T15:04:27Z")
One of my best friends here is a guy. He and I can talk about anything, actually he probably knows more about me than a lot of people. If I want to get a male perspective on something regarding males, I go to him. We have on many occasions had marathon phone conversations all through the night and he has the ability to make me feel great about myself without even trying. He is always honest with me and we have no problems sharing things about our relationships with other. Its an awesome feeling… He also gives great hugs!! Now, if I could only find him the perfect woman!! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/19 "2000-05-03T15:06:28Z")
Coldfire, I don’t care what they say about you, you’re allright in my book. ---
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168/20 "2000-05-03T15:30:58Z")
Mr. Cynical & Coldfire, you’re on! I can **guarantee** that he would turn me down! If you’re ever in my neighborhood, let me know and I’ll prove it to you! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-harry-met-sally-possible-in-real-life/18168.md?page=2)