# When I Am King Of The Earth... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 13, 2016, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898 "2016-03-13T19:46:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stainless_steel_rat/32/5727_2.png) [@The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stainless_Steel_Rat)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2016, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898/42 "2016-03-16T12:44:12Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > ETA: I’d keep an eye on that skinny fella. With the lean and hungry look? Mine are not so grandiose as some, but I think would meet with approval: - All printers/copiers/fax machine/etc. will either be ‘face up’ or ‘face down’. Don’t care how it’s decided (coin flip, negotiations, Thunderdome), but there can be only one. - In the same vein, gas tanks for cars will all be on the same side, so people (e) don’t have to feel dumb when pulling up to the pump. And I don’t want to hear from whining engineers, you fix it. - Women’s Bikini Mud Wrestling would be an Olympic sport…what??? ---
**Author:** ![Stanislaus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stanislaus/32/3391_2.png) [@Stanislaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stanislaus)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2016, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898/43 "2016-03-16T13:41:50Z")
Dog owners who allow their dogs to foul any space that does not exclusively belong to them will be forced to clean it up. With their **tongues**. This will be broadcast live on all media, with free copies distributed to their family, friends, neighbours, colleagues, employers, employees, postman, mechanic etc. etc. This may seem harsh, but I trust that this law will be broken a maximum of once. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2016, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898/44 "2016-03-16T13:46:54Z")
Men’s mud wrestling may also be an Olympic sport. None of that unitard business either. Children shall go to bed on time. Free babysitting shall be provided all weekends. We need a new movie rating scale: it should also include some sort of metric on how bad the movie is, so that “cult movie bad” movies will be recognized in their own time. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2016, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898/45 "2016-03-16T14:40:10Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > Okay, I’ve had more time to consider this. > > I’m going to mess with the calendar. All months will have either 30 or 31 days. No more February has 28 days. I’ll chop the 31st off 2 months and add them to February. And on leap year, Feb will have 31 days. Yes, pre-change birthdays will have to be recalculated. A chart will be printed up and distributed. Deal with it. > … > More to come later. My employer along with many others in the industry does this for worker scheduling purposes. Schedule January is 1Jan-30Jan on the conventional calendar. Schedule February is 31Jan-1Mar; it’s 30 days long in non-leap years and 31 in leap years. Etc. There are similar tweaks all through the year to put the same number of workdays (91) in each schedule quarter. The extra day to total 365 is in Q3. And in leap years the other extra extra day is in Q1. Such fun. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2016, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898/46 "2016-03-16T14:47:20Z")
Late add: The other common pattern in the industry is 13 “months” of 4 weeks each with a bonus day someplace to make 365 in the year. This might be fun to spring on the general public. Rename the days of the week and redefine the “weekend” to happen at the beginning of the week, consist of 3 days on one of which everybody goes to work, and none of which are the day formerly known as Sunday. Progress is a wonderful thing. Oh yeah; don’t forget [Decimal time - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decimal_time). ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2016, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898/47 "2016-03-16T16:53:36Z")
If a business can sell beer on Saturdays, they can sell it on Sundays too. It’s up to the business owner. Florists and bakers can’t refuse sales/services to same sex couples for religious reasons. They can’t, however, be required to take part in the ceremony or forced to marry someone of the same gender. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Shine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr_shine/32/464_2.png) [@Mr\_Shine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Shine)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2016, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898/48 "2016-03-18T16:31:34Z")
It will be illegal for a car dealership to sell a car at less than the price on the sticker. If you want to reduce the price of the car, it needs 24 hours notice otherwise they must price it at the amount they expect to be paid. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2016, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898/49 "2016-03-18T17:59:42Z")
I will immediately commence initiating hardcore, concentrated effort on breeding bears that never grow beyond cub size and have the brains of german shepherds and the hearts of labrador retriever puppies. Then, free bears for everyone! ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2016, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898/50 "2016-03-18T18:12:32Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > It will be illegal for a car dealership to sell a car at less than the price on the sticker. If you want to reduce the price of the car, it needs 24 hours notice otherwise they must price it at the amount they expect to be paid. What’s bad about the price reduction as is? ---
**Author:** ![MacdaddyC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@MacdaddyC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacdaddyC)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2016, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898/51 "2016-03-18T18:50:02Z")
You’ll have to take a 4-week class (for each subject), be subjected to a financial check, and receive a permit to: own animals sire children drive Also, all lawsuits that seem even marginally frivolous will be thrown out by judges who aren’t worried about re-election. We’ll stop wasting everyone’s time and litigating everything. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2016, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898/52 "2016-03-18T19:02:06Z")
All movie times on DVD cases will be described in hours and minutes, not just minutes. Failing to signal a turn? Running what is clearly a red light? Twenty lashes. Cursive will no longer be taught in school, other than for students’ signatures. They will instead be taught to print clearly. YouTube videos will not automatically advance to the next video, and will keep the volume you wish until you change it. The cast and crew of _Firefly_ will be offered very generous financial incentives to make new shows. No Christmas ads or music on the radio before the day after Thanksgiving, on pain of death. All executions will be by carbon monoxide exposure. No more wrangling over drugs. Cecil is sworn in as one of my royal advisors. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2016, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898/53 "2016-03-18T19:04:37Z")
No one will be allowed to have a child unless they have the means to provide for it and can pass a basic parenting skills exam. drrr… Ninja’d by MacdaddyC! ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee7513/32.png) [@Mona\_Lott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lott)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2016, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898/54 "2016-03-19T01:10:05Z")
All railroad freight trains will have a human occupied caboose at the rear of the train. The caboose will be occupied by a brakeman and the conductor. ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2016, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898/55 "2016-03-19T01:26:32Z")
Free WiFi available at ludicrous speeds everywhere in the world, with no disconnections. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2016, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898/56 "2016-03-19T10:17:03Z")
The lifespan of all pets will be extended to the lifespan of the owners. All children on public transportation (especially planes) will sleep for the duration of the trip. All mosquitoes will be eradicated. Child molesters and rapists will be cured. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-am-king-of-the-earth/748898.md?page=2)