# When I get bored I make up dirty lyrics **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 2, 2008, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991 "2008-01-02T15:05:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/1 "2008-01-02T15:05:38Z")
to well-known songs. Ok, not always “_dirty_” but _naughty_. It wouldn’t be a problem, except it seems whenever I do it, I forget the original lyrics. An example: > [@](#): > > Frosty the snowman > Was the biggest dealer in town > He had lots of dope and lots of coke > And a joint for everyone > Frosty the snowman > Is serving twenty years > He was caught with a gram > And his favourite madam > While pimping off some queers > There must have been some cocaine > In that little glass tube he found > For when he shoved it up his nose > He began to dance around… Am I the only person who does this? ---
**Author:** ![ignis\_glaciesque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@ignis\_glaciesque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ignis_glaciesque)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/2 "2008-01-02T15:14:52Z")
No, I do this a lot, especially if other people are singing a song I don’t know (which happens often, since I’m a pretentious ass and stopped listening to any non-NPR radio a long time ago). Just did this at my sister’s New Year’s party. Helped that I was drunk, and I will neither confirm nor deny I was stoned. ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/3 "2008-01-02T15:41:25Z")
[QUOTE=Litoris] Am I the only person who does this? [/QUOTE] No. (Little Drummer Boy) \*Come, they told me parum pum pum pum Across her face and breasts parum pum pum pum Right after the anal scene parum pum pum pum rum pum pum pum rum pum pum pum \* ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/4 "2008-01-02T16:15:03Z")
all the time nothing I could print here. ---
**Author:** ![Will\_Repair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a698b9/32.png) [@Will\_Repair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Will_Repair)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/5 "2008-01-02T16:17:23Z")
You better watch out You better not cry You better not pout I’m telling you why Jesus Christ is coming to town. If I had a hammer I’d hit you over the head (Spoken) And laugh really hard. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/6 "2008-01-02T16:25:30Z")
I do this almost non stop. Every single song has a part that something vulgar can be inserted into it and my brain loves this game. Loves it. ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/7 "2008-01-02T16:35:18Z")
All the time. I love to change a line or two and make a song vulgar. For instance, [Things that never cross a man’s mind](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kelliepickler/thingsthatnevercrossamansmind.html) by Kelly Pickler: > [@](#): > > That joke is too dirty > This steak is too thick > Ain’t no way in the world I have a 10 inch dick Maybe I will do my version of _Before She Cheats_ later. SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/8 "2008-01-02T16:36:26Z")
I do this to music I dislike. My wife listens to country music which I just loathe so I always change the lyrics. A recent one I remember changed the lyrics from: “She left the suds in the bucket and the clothes hanging on the line” to: “She left some crud in the bucket which came out of her behind” ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/9 "2008-01-02T16:39:41Z")
[QUOTE=Will Repair] You better watch out You better not cry You better not pout I’m telling you why Jesus Christ is coming to town. If I had a hammer I’d hit you over the head (Spoken) And laugh really hard. [/QUOTE] The last one made me laugh. It’s not limited to Christmas carols for me either, just with another thread titled about Frosty, that one is stuck in my head. Honestly, I feel badly, because my kids don’t know the lyrics to that song – I cannot remember the real lyrics! Of course, there’s always: > [@](#): > > My vagina has a first name > It’s Y U M M Y > My vagina has a second name > It’s P U S S Y > He likes to eat it every day > And if you ask him why, he’ll say > Cuz my vagina tastes so good > Not like T U N and A! and: > [@](#): > > I wish I were an Oscar Mayer hot dog. > That is what I’d truly like to be. > Cuz if I was an Oscar Mayer hot dog, > Everybody would be eating me! ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/10 "2008-01-02T16:45:27Z")
[QUOTE=Will Repair] If I had a hammer I’d hit you over the head (Spoken) And laugh really hard. [/QUOTE] That reminds me of how me and my brother used to sing a classic: He sees you when your sleeping, He knows when your awake, He knows when you’ve been bad or good (spoken) so be good god-dammit! ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/11 "2008-01-02T16:50:14Z")
I enjoy this game, but even better is using extant lyrics and making them dirty with a nudge and a wink. My favorite Beltaine song\* is “Joy to the World” Joy to the world, the Lord is come! 😉 Let earth receive her King; Let every heart prepare Him room, And heaven and nature sing, And heaven and nature sing, And heaven, and heaven, and nature sing. And, for a close second, “Oh Come, All Ye Faithful”, of course. The only drawback is that it’s really, really hard to sit through Christmas Mass with my mother-in-law and not gigglesnort my way straight to hell. \*Beltaine is a ribald nature “fertility” festival in my neck of the woods, when we celebrate spring and bunnies and fucking your brains out, and suppose that the gods and the goddesses are ruttin’ right along with us ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/12 "2008-01-02T17:42:50Z")
I find your ideas fascinating and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/13 "2008-01-02T17:55:48Z")
Have you noticed that you can’t make AC/DC songs any dirtier? Just more explicit. And I’ve tried. ---
**Author:** ![A\_Priori\_Tea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3bc359/32.png) [@A\_Priori\_Tea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_Priori_Tea)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/14 "2008-01-02T17:56:35Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] I enjoy this game, but even better is using extant lyrics and making them dirty with a nudge and a wink. My favorite Beltaine song\* is “Joy to the World” Joy to the world, the Lord is come! 😉 Let earth receive her King; Let every heart prepare Him room, And heaven and nature sing, And heaven and nature sing, And heaven, and heaven, and nature sing. And, for a close second, “Oh Come, All Ye Faithful”, of course. The only drawback is that it’s really, really hard to sit through Christmas Mass with my mother-in-law and not gigglesnort my way straight to hell. [/QUOTE] Might I suggest for your perusal, the Battle Hymn of the Republic, Tea-style? 😃 (Why yes, the lyrics _are_ changed, but I am proud of the driver’s seat on the bus I’m getting for this one…) Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord! He hath trampled out the vintage in his “grapes of wrath” was stored He hath loosed the fateful lightning of his terrible swift sword The Lord hath come too soon! Premature ejaculation Premature ejaculation Premature ejaculation The Lord hath come too soon! ETA: Just don’t ask me what happens to Jesus Loves Me - 'cause I’m pretty sure you already know. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/15 "2008-01-02T18:06:15Z")
Very often. Sometimes it’s just a line or two, as with the 80s remake of ‘Puttin on the Ritz’, in which that line became: _suckin’ on her tits. Dressed up like a million dollar trouper, hoping he can slip it in her pooper, Super Duper!_ ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/16 "2008-01-02T18:07:14Z")
[QUOTE=Hypno-Toad] Have you noticed that you can’t make AC/DC songs any dirtier? Just more explicit. And I’ve tried. [/QUOTE] Wait, you can _understand_ their lyrics?!? :dubious: > [@](#): > > Mr. Sandman > Bring me a dream > Make him the cutest that I’ve ever seen > Give him a penis the size of Montana > And then I can eat him like a banana… You know, I have noticed that it is mostly songs that I find annoying that I do this to, hmmm. Of course, in our house, it is commonplace to hear “read a book” in the middle of a song – that is the standard “I don’t know the lyrics, so I’ma just make shit up” line at our house. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/17 "2008-01-02T18:11:21Z")
Oh, and for your consideration, Rudolph the Small-Dicked Porn Star: > [@](#): > > Rudolph, the small-dicked porn star > Had a very tiny dick > And if you’d ever licked it > He woulda come too quick > All of the other porn stars > Used to laugh and call him names > They never let poor Rudolph > Join in any pornstar games > Then one smoggy LA day > Savannah came to say > “Rudolph with your dick so small > Won’t ya let me suck yer ball?” > Then how the porn stars loved him > And they shouted out with glee > “Rudolph the small dicked porn star > You’ll GO DOWN in history!” Yes, I have a whole penthouse suite reserved for me, why do you ask? ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/18 "2008-01-02T18:19:51Z")
I do this all the time, but pretty much only for the hook or title lines to songs. For example: Elton John: “Don’t let your son go down on me.” Backstreet Boys: “I want a three way.” Led Zeppelin: “Your wife is gonna come.” ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/19 "2008-01-02T18:38:07Z")
Ho, ho, ho, she wouldn’t blow. Ho, ho, ho, she wouldn’t bloooow, down in the alley lick, lick, lick, but that f_uckin b_tch wouldn’t suck my d\*ck! ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2008, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991/20 "2008-01-02T19:06:13Z")
Am I the only one who thought about [this thread in Cafe Society about America’s sense of cultural inferiority](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=449844) when I read this thread? 😃 Some of these are HI-larious. And AC/DC’s (well, Bon Scott’s) lyrics are simply divine: > [@](#): > > Love me to the limit - achin’ and sore > Enough to stop a freight train - or start the 3rd World War (from Girls Got Rhythm) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-i-get-bored-i-make-up-dirty-lyrics/431991.md?page=2)