# When, in a dating relationship, do you generally start having sex? Be honest. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 9, 2009, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885 "2009-11-09T05:33:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/21 "2009-11-09T14:54:43Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > (Ho’s!) Ho’s what? And I said other. I don’t have enough data for me to establish a pattern. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/22 "2009-11-09T15:07:56Z")
I picked other because it depends on the person. I went on lots of dates with lots of men that I never slept with because it didn’t feel right. I slept with a couple of men without being in a romantic relationship with them at all. In my current relationship we slept together on the second date and we ended up engaged and planning a wedding for late next year. Each person and situation is different and I think you just have to go by what feels right. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/23 "2009-11-09T15:12:28Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > You fail at logic or reading comprehension. The statement is in the form “If you are a sex fiend, then you want to have sex after a few dates,” not “if you want to have sex after a few dates, you are a sex fiend.” > > If you don’t believe me, try replacing the words: > It’s not [drinking water] makes you [dying of thirst]. It’s that [dying of thirst] makes you want to [drink water] > Your modified reply: > Holy shit, I’m [dying of thirst]. Thank god you’ve enlightened me. Imagine if I’d gone through my entire life thinking that [drinking water] was a normal, healthy, fun thing for grownups to do. :dubious: Nope, there’s something judgemental going on here, which is too bad because this is a nice place. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAlx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@SmartAlx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAlx)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/24 "2009-11-09T15:25:42Z")
No there’s not. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/25 "2009-11-09T16:33:29Z")
Define sex. I don’t do anything that’s got a good chance of resulting in pregnancy or transmitting AIDS and STDS before I know the person’s views on unwanted pregnancy and the results of their AIDS and STD tests. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/26 "2009-11-09T17:20:29Z")
> [@SmartAlx](#): > > No there’s not. The term “sex fiend” is inherently judgmental, because the word fiend is inherently negative, and thus comparing certain people to fiends is judgmental of you. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/27 "2009-11-09T17:26:12Z")
There’s all kinds of judgementalism going on at the Dope, but which way it’s swinging depends on the day (and possibly the cycle of the moon). ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/28 "2009-11-09T17:39:19Z")
If women stopped judging me by the way I swing, I’d be having a lot more sex. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/29 "2009-11-09T18:14:48Z")
Where’s the “when she lets me stick it in her” option? ---
**Author:** ![Mrs.Cake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2acd7d/32.png) [@Mrs.Cake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs.Cake)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/30 "2009-11-09T18:46:57Z")
Been a while since my dating days, but generally if I didn’t want to by the second date, I was never going to want to, so usually by the tird date, if sex was going to happen at all. ---
**Author:** ![Algorithm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/algorithm/32/12204_2.png) [@Algorithm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algorithm)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/31 "2009-11-09T18:48:22Z")
> [@SmartAlx](#): > > No there’s not. One only has to look at your posting history to see that this is false. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/32 "2009-11-09T18:50:16Z")
> [@SmartAlx](#): > > When you start dating a new person, when do you generally start having sex? > > Now I can not stress this enough. **BE HONEST**. I’m not wondering when you would LIKE to start to have sex, nor when you feel you SHOULD start to have sex. If you are a sex fiend and can not control your urges and you just have to get laid after a few dates, I don’t want you saying you wait till you fall in love, that is unless you actually do have enough self control to overcome your sexual urges. Tell ya what, why not get back to us after you’ve actually had sex and we’ll all be more than happy to accept your apology for your amazingly naive and judgemental attitude. That work for you? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/33 "2009-11-09T18:55:36Z")
It’s been a long, long time since this was an issue for me, but during the stone age, before I met my wife, I was pretty much trying to get it as soon as possible, starting from the word hello. To quote Alec Baldwin from _Glengary-Glenross_, “ABC – Always Be Closing.” Stuff like compatibility, or whether I liked them were issues to be considered for pursuing a continued relationship, but were irrelevant to whether I’d want to have sex with them. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/34 "2009-11-09T18:56:56Z")
Usually somewhere between the third and fifth date. After the makeout barrier has been broken, the next date will involve some serious heavy petting (usually with some, but not all, clothes removed). By the next date we usually end up having sex. That initial makeout session doesn’t necessarily have to happen on the first date, but usually does. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/35 "2009-11-09T19:06:22Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It’s been a long, long time since this was an issue for me, but during the stone age, before I met my wife, I was pretty much trying to get it as soon as possible, starting from the word hello. To quote Alec Baldwin from _Glengary-Glenross_, “ABC – Always Be Closing.” > > Stuff like compatibility, or whether I liked them were issues to be considered for pursuing a continued relationship, but were irrelevant to whether I’d want to have sex with them. If I am so inclined in the future, may I quote parts or all of this post in my signature? It perfectly encapsulates what being a male is pretty much all about. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/36 "2009-11-09T19:20:09Z")
Hey, **SmartAleq** , it looks like you got a fan! ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/37 "2009-11-09T19:45:36Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Hey, **SmartAleq** , it looks like you got a fan! Oh, go fan it where the sun don’t shine, you! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Mahna\_Mahna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47c2d/32.png) [@Mahna\_Mahna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahna_Mahna)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/38 "2009-11-09T19:46:24Z")
Hopefully I never have to worry about this again, but I picked “Other” because I’ve never really had a defined timeline for jumping in the sack… sometimes it happened on the first date because we hit it off right away, and sometimes it happened a few weeks (or even months) into the relationship because it seemed wiser to take it slow. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that every relationship is going to be slightly different than the ones that came before. Using a set of hard and fast rules is never a good idea, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/39 "2009-11-09T19:52:07Z")
I chose “Other” because there was no option for “stare at them through their bedroom window and masturbate,” which is my preferred method of starting up a new relationship. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/40 "2009-11-09T20:18:14Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > I chose “Other” because there was no option for “stare at them through their bedroom window and masturbate,” which is my preferred method of starting up a new relationship. This is why I moved to a basement bedroom–the windows are tiny and I’ve seen how hard it is for your kind to get your heads down that far. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885.md?page=3)