# When, in a dating relationship, do you generally start having sex? Be honest. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 9, 2009, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885 "2009-11-09T05:33:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/41 "2009-11-09T20:20:22Z")
> [@SmartAleq](#): > > Oh, go fan it where the sun don’t shine, you! 😛 {Checks} - Nope, don’t see that option. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/42 "2009-11-09T20:32:26Z")
> [@SmartAlx](#): > > If you are a sex fiend and can not control your urges and you just have to get laid after a few dates, I don’t want you saying you wait till you fall in love, that is unless you actually do have enough self control to overcome your sexual urges. Or if, like my husband and myself, you meet online, fall in love, then meet in person and have sex that day. So I did vote for till I fall in love. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/43 "2009-11-09T20:38:31Z")
It’s too bad we can’t see how people voted because I’m uncertain who the whores who will need abortions are. The ones who marked “wait until I fall in love” or beyond at least have a reasonable chance of marrying before popping out one of those unwanted kids. Bunch of godless Jezebels in this thread, I tell you. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/44 "2009-11-09T20:41:55Z")
I’m one of those whores who will need an abortion. I selected after a few dates. I was almost going to select the clear chemistry option, but usually happens pretty early, which then leads to the few dates. I don’t have time to be standing around playing coy. We get along, we’ve gone out a few times, I’m fairly confident you’re not a murderer by now, so now let’s make naked fun time! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/45 "2009-11-09T20:53:34Z")
I put in “after we fall in love,” but in fact the answer would depend on what point of my life we were talking about. For a long while it was " “when it was clear the girl had bought enough of my lies to give it up.” I don’t know that I’ll ever date again, but if I do I hope to never fuck a girl I don’t intend to marry. But all of y’all who want to do it on the first date are welcomd to keep at it. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/46 "2009-11-09T20:55:39Z")
As soon as she lets me. You said be honest. ---
**Author:** ![Mahna\_Mahna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47c2d/32.png) [@Mahna\_Mahna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahna_Mahna)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/47 "2009-11-09T21:10:15Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > It’s too bad we can’t see how people voted because I’m uncertain who the whores who will need abortions are. > The ones who marked “wait until I fall in love” or beyond at least have a reasonable chance of marrying before popping out one of those unwanted kids. > > Bunch of godless Jezebels in this thread, I tell you. Perhaps we should introduce a new title for those Dopers. I think “Sex Fiend” would be appropriate. -MM, Godless Jezebel and Sex Fiend ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/48 "2009-11-09T21:27:58Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > I’m a married guy, but when I was dating I had to feel something emotional with my partners. I rember when I was dating there is this pressure for young guys to engage in this macho posturing on sex, but at some point I just realized who I am and how I wanted things to be. Just a big nerd. Not a nerd. Just your preference. I understand, because it’s mine too. I’m compatible with a lot of people, that doesn’t mean I want to have sex with them. I have friends on every part of the spectrum when it comes to when to have sex and that’s great for them because (like you realized) it’s who they are. You can be a well adjusted adult who has sex on the first date and you can be a well adjusted adult who waits until they’re married… and every spot in between. All the judgment is ridiculous. You just need to find out what you are comfortable with. ---
**Author:** ![manila](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@manila](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manila)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/49 "2009-11-09T23:01:11Z")
I voted for wait till am sure of some compatibilty. But really that means only if I am sure that she would be happy with a non exclusive arrangement. If is not determined on the first date then there would likely not be an other one. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/50 "2009-11-09T23:11:56Z")
I like a month or six weeks’ or so of conversation, get to know each other well, see if we’re compatible. After that, I want to see what the person looks like, meet in person, and assuming that goes well, have sex. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/51 "2009-11-09T23:37:50Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > I like a month or six weeks’ or so of conversation, get to know each other well, see if we’re compatible. After that, I want to see what the person looks like, meet in person, and assuming that goes well, have sex. Huh? How can you date somebody for six weeks without meeting them in person? ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/52 "2009-11-09T23:52:14Z")
> [@black\_rabbit](#): > > This is why I always make dinner on the third date. Really? I usually wind up making breakfast. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2009, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/53 "2009-11-09T23:55:10Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Huh? How can you date somebody for six weeks without meeting them in person? I guess in his mind, chatting with a woman on AIM is a date. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/54 "2009-11-10T00:19:57Z")
As soon as possible. The first night if I’m able. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/55 "2009-11-10T01:53:19Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Huh? How can you date somebody for six weeks without meeting them in person? The power of text, dude. I want to assess the contents before I encounter the container. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/56 "2009-11-10T01:54:19Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > The power of text, dude. > > I want to assess the contents before I encounter the container. Please do not take this as a personal insult, but that seems quite mad to me. You learn more about a person in one 3-hour date than you do in 30 hours of IMs. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/57 "2009-11-10T02:04:34Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Please do not take this as a personal insult, but that seems quite mad to me. You learn more about a person in one 3-hour date than you do in 30 hours of IMs. Prefer Email, not IMs, although I’m flexible. Each to their own. I’ve been to dances, have eaten out in fancy restaurants with people, have gone to art exhibits with potential partners. Any way you cut it, sooner or later you really wanna see some text. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/58 "2009-11-10T02:15:01Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > The power of text, dude. > > I want to assess the contents before I encounter the container. That’s not dating. Unless you consider yourself dating every woman you’ve chatted with from [match.com](http://match.com). Do you exclusively meet women online? And you’re dating them when? When you first start e-mailing? After you swap phone numbers? A few texts back and forth equals dating? It only counts as dating once you’ve decided to meet face-to-face? What’s the deal here? I guess I don’t understand how you can be dating someone you’ve never seen. I thought everything up to that was plans to potentially start dating. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/59 "2009-11-10T02:15:17Z")
Right after we wrestle naked in an inflatable pool full of chocolate pudding… ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885/60 "2009-11-10T02:25:09Z")
My hubby and I started off in a chat room, then we moved to talking on the phone. My phone bill - Oi! But it all depends on if you are honest with each other. I feel I learned a lot about him in the month and a half before we met in person: enough to know that I was in love. We consider that period dating, because we were talking exclusively to each other. Next month is our 12th wedding anniversary. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-in-a-dating-relationship-do-you-generally-start-having-sex-be-honest/516885.md?page=4)