# When is sex the best? In love or just horny? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 10, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241 "2003-08-10T19:34:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Honeydew\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e19b73/32.png) [@Honeydew\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honeydew_1)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/1 "2003-08-10T19:34:39Z")
I was wondering about this lately… I’ve been extremely lucky to find the man of my dreams (yes on here too !!!) and having met up quite a few times now, I know for a fact that making love with him/having sex (whatever you wish to call it) is much better because I am madly, head over heels in love with him. Not only is it physically better (as in the orgasms are huge for us both) but its mentally and emotionally better (as in we get into such a mind set that we are literally so turned on and so loving each other, that its just beyond incredible). I have to say that I’ve **never** experienced this before with any other partners - I thought that I’d had several good sexual experiences with other partners but they pale into insignificance compared to this one. And I believe its because I wasn’t in love with them but I am madly in love with him. So the question I was wondering… is sex/making love better when you’re in love with your partner or not? I would have said before that it didn’t really matter wheter you were in love with the guy or not… but now, having had this fantastic experience, I’d have to say being in love makes it so much better. What do others think? ---
**Author:** ![Reeder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2003, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/2 "2003-08-10T19:54:28Z")
It is much better when love is involved. And even better when love and familiarity is involved. When you and your partner know exactly what each wants and needs it’s great! Beats the hell out of wondering what the other person wants. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2003, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/3 "2003-08-10T20:17:29Z")
WAY WAY WAY better when in love. Not even really a comparison here. That isn’t to say sex isn’t fun even if you’re not in love but the difference is pretty astounding. I still recall the first time I experienced sex when in true-love and remember being floored by the difference. ---
**Author:** ![grettle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@grettle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grettle)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2003, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/4 "2003-08-10T20:36:52Z")
I think they are completely not comparable. Being in love is good in one way, and just fucking is really good in another way. And with that said, I think you can have both kinds of sex with someone you love. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2003, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/5 "2003-08-10T22:09:44Z")
I’ve had two sexual partners and only loved one of them, (still do love him). It’s definitly better when you are in love. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2003, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/6 "2003-08-11T00:33:58Z")
I’ve only had sex when I was in love. And damn do I miss it! I wouldn’t want to have sex with somebody unless there was more than just horniness going on, but the combination of love and horniness is hard to beat. ---
**Author:** ![SnoopyFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d07c76/32.png) [@SnoopyFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnoopyFan)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2003, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/7 "2003-08-11T02:02:12Z")
What **grettle** said. In my experience, anyway. Apples and oranges. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2003, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/8 "2003-08-11T02:41:00Z")
I’ve never had sex with a woman I’ve loved, so I can’t speak to that. But in my last sexual relationship, which basically was sex for … well, for the fuck of it, so to speak, it was frankly lousy. I remember thinking, is this as good as it gets? I’d have just as soon gone to bed with a book. Now, I am 35, and my libido has noticeably declined since my thirtieth birthday, so a 18-year old man might have a very different opinion. But that’s my two cents. ---
**Author:** ![butter\_pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2003, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/9 "2003-08-11T13:10:50Z")
I would venture to say that sex in love is better precisely because you’re more attracted to and emotionally invested in the other party. I can almost (but not quite, there are a couple of exceptions) correlate the experiences with my past partners to how emotionally invested in and physically attracted to them I was. It also got better with experience, and my last two relationships being much more serious than the ones that came before them, I would also see the correlation as a little bit of happy coincidence. ---
**Author:** ![mipiace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb9ed0/32.png) [@mipiace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mipiace)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2003, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/10 "2003-08-11T17:02:27Z")
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!! Hands down, no comparison…sex is great but when you add the added intimacy and deep emotion that comes with truly caring deeply for someone it isn’t just a physical act, it becomes cosmic! ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2003, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/11 "2003-08-11T17:14:20Z")
And let me point out that the **best** sex is when you’re in love and trying to conceive. I speak from both prior and current experience that adding that factor makes the entire shared experience more astonishing than anything. ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/12 "2003-08-11T17:40:00Z")
I find its much better when you love a person. The chemistry that ignites is awesome and can’t be replaced by a mere “date”. I also find it more exciting to share “learning” about one another when you really care deep down inside about the person. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2003, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/13 "2003-08-11T18:15:20Z")
It seems official, then: sex \*con amore \* is the best. ---
**Author:** ![Omnipresent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8c91f0/32.png) [@Omnipresent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omnipresent)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/14 "2003-08-14T13:00:02Z")
Love. Definately. It’s a higher level. Sex without love is good, but, like someone said, it’s like, eh - that’s it? It’s wacking off. Wacking off is great. You can have any women in the world while doing that. After it’s over, it’s like, eh, ok, “what’s for dinner?”. Sex/Love is all emcompassing. At least for me. ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/15 "2003-08-14T13:26:59Z")
In my experience, friendly sex without being in love can be incredibly hot, but at the same time, you’re holding back part of yourself. Sex with someone you truly love is far more satisfying, ultimately. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/16 "2003-08-14T16:30:01Z")
The consumation of True Love is a Higher Level. No question. Nights in White Satin, etc. Yes. But with a person you love, when you’re both feeling Playful is a Very close second… ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/17 "2003-08-14T16:40:27Z")
hhmm… I could try to defend casual sex here… but its a lost cause here. 🙂 Naturally love helps and makes it better. Still you wont eat food because its got no sauce on it and you only want it that way ? ``` Love is sometimes something you build along the way... not just a bubble that bursts at first sight. ``` ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/18 "2003-08-14T16:54:50Z")
Well, my wife and I are in love, and we have both love-sex and just-horny sex. The just-horny-sex tends to be over quicker, regardless of which one of us was the horniest. The love-sex lasts longer and generally leaves us both much more fulfilled than just-horny-sex. I’ve never had sex with anyone else, so I can’t compare it to sex with a person I don’t love… hrh ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/19 "2003-08-14T23:05:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rashak Mani \* > \*\*Love is sometimes something you build along the way… not just a bubble that bursts at first sight. \*\* Absolutely! However, seems to me that love - that is, _emotional_ intimacy - must come before \*physical \* intimacy. Sex is so powerful, and goes so deep into the soul, that a relationship of trust and mutual sharing must precede it and support it. I mean, when you are having sex, you are _naked_. On all levels. I’ve never believed in casual sex, although I’ve practised it, to my regret. But I don’t mean that I don’t believe it is right or moral to have casual sex; I mean I’ve never believed that “casual” sex is _possible_. I never thought I would defend traditional Judeo-Christian morality, but it seems to be correct, in this instance. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241/20 "2003-08-15T00:36:24Z")
Love!!! Definitely when you’re in love. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sex-the-best-in-love-or-just-horny/194241.md?page=2)