# When is sexism okay? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 19, 2009, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037 "2009-03-19T16:27:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/121 "2009-03-19T22:25:55Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Hi!!! > Well played, good sir. Well played indeed! 😃 Thank 'ee. And it’s so nice to see you back I won’t even make the usual request concerning the other one. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/122 "2009-03-19T22:28:52Z")
I’m not seeing the sexism, **Tracy Lord**. You mentioned that the shirt made your boobs look great. It does not take an Einstein to know that once you mention your boobs, others will be interested in them. RE Mentioning It In Other Threads **Hal Briston** had the misfortune to leave himself logged in to the SDMB on a work computer. A cow orker used this opportunity to start a thread ‘Sex With Sheep Is Fun!’. This followed Hal around for at least a year. It would have been much worse if he’d reacted the way you are. If you really don’t want it mentioned. Let it slide. The more dramatic your reaction, the more some posters will feel compelled to mention your boobs. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/123 "2009-03-19T22:31:26Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > Because she’s throwing an accusation of sexism at some people who were pretty clearly trying to be jokey/flirting. Then within a few posts asserts that it’s offensive because it’s boring, not sexist. [(in this post)](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=10893157&postcount=17) > > Frankly, I’m seeing her as thin-skinned at best after finding that doozy. As I said in the other thread, given that at this point less than half a dozen people have actually done thing thing she’s pissed about, she needs to be using the “ignore” button and getting on with her life like the rest of us do when something offends us on these boards. Let me try this again being as clear as I can be: I don’t care about her accusations of sexism. My comment was that the comedians who think it’s funny to continue to tease someone about something that clearly bothers them are morons who should move on. So you can come back and respond with as many fun quotes as you’d like and mine the dope for “doozies” that trip your trigger, I don’t care. Should she just ignore them? Sure. But wouldn’t it be better for the idiots to control themselves and just stop? ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Badger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/848f3c/32.png) [@Dead\_Badger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Badger)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/124 "2009-03-19T22:34:13Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > Because she’s throwing an accusation of sexism at some people who were pretty clearly trying to be jokey/flirting. Then within a few posts asserts that it’s offensive because it’s boring, not sexist. [(in this post)](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=10893157&postcount=17) Honestly, she asked pretty nicely for them to stop the first time. Not a mention of sexism. Then **Koxinga** got all huffy, **Tracy** responded in kind and it all went to shit. I have no idea how **dba Fred** could have read the first thread and still thought it a good idea to raise it in an unrelated topic, but there you go. Fine, some people on the internet act more familiar than other people like. But if someone asks you nicely to stop it (and **Tracy** did), then stop it. Not everyone shares your personal boundaries, and you shouldn’t be offended if this is the case. I do think the old burlap sack desexualisation routine is laying it on a bit thick, but Jesus, it’s hardly a cockslap to the face if someone requests that you not ask for pictures of their boobs. Get over it, move on, ask someone _else_ how they doin’. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/125 "2009-03-19T22:34:59Z")
Here I was, ready to chronicle the dryer accident that ruined the Speedo I employ to beautify my taint, but damn if you people haven’t already sucked the fun out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/126 "2009-03-19T22:35:43Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Let me try this again being as clear as I can be: > > I don’t care about her accusations of sexism. > > My comment was that the comedians who think it’s funny to continue to tease someone about something that clearly bothers them are morons who should move on. > > So you can come back and respond with as many fun quotes as you’d like and mine the dope for “doozies” that trip your trigger, I don’t care. Should she just ignore them? Sure. But wouldn’t it be better for the idiots to control themselves and just stop? You’ll note I’m not one of the people who’s made any comments on her boobs, I am not the droids you’re looking for here. The only difference between your advice and mine is that I’m not under any illusions that the whole less than ten people who’ve taunted her about it will stop doing so based on anything I say or do. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/127 "2009-03-19T22:38:32Z")
> [@Dead\_Badger](#): > > Honestly, she asked pretty nicely for them to stop the first time. Not a mention of sexism. Then **Koxinga** got all huffy, **Tracy** responded in kind and it all went to shit. I have no idea how **dba Fred** could have read the first thread and still thought it a good idea to raise it in an unrelated topic, but there you go. > > Fine, some people on the internet act more familiar than other people like. But if someone asks you nicely to stop it (and **Tracy** did), then stop it. Not everyone shares your personal boundaries, and you shouldn’t be offended if this is the case. > > I do think the old burlap sack desexualisation routine is laying it on a bit thick, but Jesus, it’s hardly a cockslap to the face if someone requests that you not ask for pictures of their boobs. Get over it, move on, ask someone _else_ how they doin’. Honestly, I’m in this thread because I offered well-intentioned advice and got held up as indirect evidence of how sexism is apparently okay. I am perfectly fine with her boundaries and like I said, I respect them, I just think at this point she and many others are being dramabombs about the whole damn situation that didn’t so much need a thread as it needed a few pushes of the ignore button. I mean, seriously–maybe six people have teased about this. Christ, I had more people than that try to beat me up in high school every year, and that community is at least two orders of magnitude smaller than this one. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/128 "2009-03-19T22:39:59Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > You’ll note I’m not one of the people who’s made any comments on her boobs, I am not the droids you’re looking for here. > > The only difference between your advice and mine is that I’m not under any illusions that the whole less than ten people who’ve taunted her about it will stop doing so based on anything I say or do. Did I accuse you of being one of the people? Nope, I didn’t. You’ll find that I addressed my comments to you because you addressed me directly about things that I already stated I didn’t care about. Do we really need to continue this back and forth or are you satisfied now that you got to use your little Star Wars joke? ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Badger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/848f3c/32.png) [@Dead\_Badger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Badger)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/129 "2009-03-19T22:54:46Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > Honestly, I’m in this thread because I offered well-intentioned advice and got held up as indirect evidence of how sexism is apparently okay. Sure, fine - like I say, I don’t really buy the sexism line. I think only one or two people were really out of line at most. I just responded to your post because it was a recent one that said something I thought was relevant. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![bathsheba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9e8a1a/32.png) [@bathsheba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bathsheba)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/130 "2009-03-20T00:02:33Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > You make a point of specifically calling attention to your boobs and how “amazing” they are. Any sane person would construe that as being flirtatious. So naturally a couple posters then make a few good natured references to wanting to see them, but now all of a sudden you are all offended by their comments? I mean did it not occur to you that mentioning your boobs on a message board is pretty much a guarantee to receive a comment to show them? > > If I didn’t know better, I would assume you were intentionally baiting people into an argument. _bing_ > [@Tracy\_Lord](#): > > Here’s what makes me think this is an issue of underlying sexism: I made a reference to my breasts in a thread that was about how to get wine stains out of a white shirt, and nearly everyone is calling that “the thread about your boobs.” You made it about my boobs, not me. Mentioning them is not making the thread “about” them. I smell a rat. Red wine washes straight out. If you really gave a toss about getting stains out of your favourite shirt, you’d have mentioned the fabric it was made of. You know, that being way more important than your boobs… Either that or the drunken rapist pig who jostled your arm while trying to cop a feel of your amazing tits is behind this whole patriarchal plot. ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/131 "2009-03-20T00:26:02Z")
I don’t think the things that are making me uncomfortable and unhappy to be here are going to change, so I’ve decided to stop posting. The benefits aren’t making up for the negatives any more. Thanks to everyone who’s contributed thoughtful responses. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/132 "2009-03-20T00:27:29Z")
> [@Tracy\_Lord](#): > > I don’t think the things that are making me uncomfortable and unhappy to be here are going to change, so I’ve decided to stop posting. The benefits aren’t making up for the negatives any more. Thanks to everyone who’s contributed thoughtful responses. To the thread, or the board as a whole? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/133 "2009-03-20T00:29:37Z")
I think that is probably an accurate assessment of us – hope you find a place that responds better to your gratuitous mentions of your boobs. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/134 "2009-03-20T00:37:01Z")
You know, if you pulled this stuff at snopes boards, the tables would be completely turned. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/135 "2009-03-20T00:45:14Z")
> [@Marienee](#): > > I expect that what she probably does suffer is more ageism than sexism, This rings true to me–she’s apparently young and attractive and female. I am less young and less attractive–but just as female. I’m not going to claim that women posters neccessarily get treated the same as men everywhere on the internets. But I’m prepared to believe that my greater life experience and my lack of conviction of my attractiveness contribute to my percieving many of the comments which have upset her as being stupid rather than sexist. I’m sorry to see her go, but accept that she may be making the wiser choice. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/136 "2009-03-20T00:46:23Z")
> [@Dante](#): > > …tit for tat… tat. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/137 "2009-03-20T00:47:26Z")
Jesus–and I’ve been called uptight about this kind of stuff. **Tracy** –please step away from the computer, take a deep breath and calm down. Come back when you’ve regained some perspective. NONE of these people mean you harm. Truly. I do hope she has a beige bra to wear under that white blouse… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/138 "2009-03-20T01:06:38Z")
> [@Tracy\_Lord](#): > > I don’t think the things that are making me uncomfortable and unhappy to be here are going to change, so I’ve decided to stop posting. The benefits aren’t making up for the negatives any more. I think that’s wise. The Boards are not for everyone, and if they make you uncomfortable or unhappy, leave them behind and good riddance to us. I wish you the best. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/139 "2009-03-20T01:11:44Z")
I think people are being unfair in their characterization of **Tracy Lord** ’s original remark in the red wine thread. She didn’t claim that she had amazing breasts, only that this top made them look amazing, and that this was part of the reason why the top was so important to her. It was perhaps not a really necessary remark, but it didn’t come totally out of left field either. I’ve often heard other women refer casually to a favorite garment that made their boobs or butt look good. It’s not the kind of thing I’d be likely to say myself, but I don’t think it’s a particularly unusual or obnoxious thing to say and I don’t see why people want to give her such a difficult time about a harmless casual remark. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/140 "2009-03-20T01:16:45Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > It’s always funny when people try to be sarcastic and end up saying something that’s true without the sarcasm applied. It’s also funny when people think I can make a valid point, even indirectly. Mostly I’m just sitting in the back, throwing popcorn. **Chase Ransom** : Try reading my post again, but this time, turn your humor/sarcasm detector to the “ON” position. You might have to recalibrate it, because oftentimes my humor is so stupid that it doesn’t register on regular detectors. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037.md?page=8)